Cause there’s really WAY more than one school of thought on all this stuff, and the one you’re describing is only one of them. There’s a lot of trans folks who are NOT about conforming to current society gender roles. People born female-bodied who just want to go on hormone therapy, quit having female breasts, and get called Frank, but keep their personality and presentation pretty much how it was the whole time.
Like the ‘isn’t queer just gay’ question, the school of thought with people who like queer as an umbrella identifier is that they want a community that includes absolutely everyone who is not just plain “straight, and happy with the gender they came with” because there’s so much shared experience and empathy across everyone who just didn’t/doesn’t feel included in any of the mainstream, gendered, heterosexual common experiences that most people can relate to.
It’s fine if you were different and you didn’t care, but a lot of people feel bad about that stuff and want to belong somewhere and a lot of people want to belong to just the big club of ‘everybody else,’ and yes it gets awkward when you’re trying to name each segment of everybody else. And it gets awkward again when a lot of people wants to gatekeep exactly what kind of ‘everybody else’ counts and whether this particular person over here counts or not.
