Healing Crystals

[bagtaggar]

My step-uncle has a friend of his, lives in mexico, that carries out a yearly scam against the misguided and ignorant masses.

There is a local harvest fair in his town once a year that lasts about three days. He orders 10 bags of impure quartz crystals of various colors from China, which he buys at $10 a bag (or the mexican equivilant). Each bag contains approximately 500 crystals.

He sets up a booth at the fair, and lures customers in with slight variations of the same line: "You! Oh goodness, your negative energy is very strong. Come! Come and let me find you a unique spiritual partner!" He sifts through the pile of rocks on his table, as if 'searching' for the right one. He picks one, palms it, places it in the hand of the customer, and holds their hand closed over it. He asks them if they feel the good energy, the release of tension and negativity. They vigourosly nod "yes" of course. He then tells them that happiness can be their's for only $10.

He goes through roughly three bags a day.

Every year he buys himself a new motorboat and goes fishing.

 

[Bronze Dog]

You know, I might...

No, the quick and easy path leads to the Dark Side.

 

[Tyltyl]

I have one of those magical healing crystals, I bought it in a street market 10 years ago or so. They told me it was good for my eyesight as long ad I kept cleansing it.

Less than 1 year after I had to make a nice pair of glasses

Now it lies on my monitor...at least it's a beautiful crystal.

 

[Belz...]

You know, I might...

No, the quick and easy path leads to the Dark Side.

BronzeDog, "if one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects, not just the dogmatic, narrow view of the Jedi. If you wish to become a complete and wise leader, you must embrace a larger view of the Force."

 

[Amapola]

BronzeDog, "if one is to understand the great mystery, one must study all its aspects, not just the dogmatic, narrow view of the Jedi. If you wish to become a complete and wise leader, you must embrace a larger view of the Force."

Besides - I hear the Dark Side has cookies!

I sometimes sell crystals too, as part of my work....... Some people will listen when you tell them they are just nice rocks, and others can't really hear that and insist they have "healing powers". Hey. I gotta pay bills, and the money is green, so I take it. I don't make any claims - they have to make those up on their own.

It'd be nice to sell enough to buy a boat though......

 

[Tyltyl]

Besides - I hear the Dark Side has cookies!

I sometimes sell crystals too, as part of my work....... Some people will listen when you tell them they are just nice rocks, and others can't really hear that and insist they have "healing powers". Hey. I gotta pay bills, and the money is green, so I take it. I don't make any claims - they have to make those up on their own.

It'd be nice to sell enough to buy a boat though......

If you tell them they can be eaten I bet they will...

 

[PatKelley]

If you tell them they can be eaten I bet they will...

The crystals or the customers?

 

[AnotherSillyAlias]

The other night, as I was sitting under my correctly aligned pyramid, surrounded by the best power crystals and examining my crystal balls, I just knew you were all going to write this stuff.

 

[Luke T.]

If you tell them they can be eaten I bet they will...

You mean they can't?

Sounds like a great new marketing ploy. I mean, if people go for enemas to clean out their toxins, why not run a crystal through the system?

And it's recyclable! You can do it once a week!

People really would do it, you know. They would.

Accessories! Feces-crystal separators. Specially ionized fluids to drink the crystals down with to maximize their effects. Fecal color charts to analyze which crystal you need to swallow.

Oh, yeah. I could be a really bad boy on the Dark Side. But then, I have to sleep at night, so...

 

[Mojo]

"Healing crystals" have recently been stomped on by the UK's Advertising Standards Authority:

Objection to a magazine advertisement for a crystal healing pack. The headline stated "discover the healing power of crystals". Text in the second of five bullet points on the left of the ad stated "The Crystal Healing Pack includes a paperback book and 12 high quality, polished crystals that heal, protect, energize and soothe". The complainant challenged the efficacy of crystals.

...

Complaint upheld

...

The ad breached CAP Code clauses 3.1 (Substantiation), 6.1 (Honesty), 7.1 (Truthfulness) ...

 

[Luke T.]

"Healing crystals" have recently been stomped on by the UK's Advertising Standards Authority:

That's just the sort of thing Randi likes to hear about. Send him an e-mail. Might make it into a commentary.

 

[Iamme]

You mean they can't?

Sounds like a great new marketing ploy. I mean, if people go for enemas to clean out their toxins, why not run a crystal through the system?

And it's recyclable! You can do it once a week!

People really would do it, you know. They would.

Accessories! Feces-crystal separators. Specially ionized fluids to drink the crystals down with to maximize their effects. Fecal color charts to analyze which crystal you need to swallow.

Oh, yeah. I could be a really bad boy on the Dark Side. But then, I have to sleep at night, so...

I know ONE guy who'd be capable. And that be the guy featured on tv., who eats light bulbs for snacks. I watched him actually eat..and swallow one. He eats all kinds of stuff, and doesn't get hurt. It's stuff like this that I see, where I can't believe what I am seeing, and wonder if the world is some figment of my imagination. (Don't get me started on the people who skewer hooks through there skin and hang from ceilings, either.)

 

[AnotherSillyAlias]

I know ONE guy who'd be capable. And that be the guy featured on tv., who eats light bulbs for snacks. I watched him actually eat..and swallow one. He eats all kinds of stuff, and doesn't get hurt. It's stuff like this that I see, where I can't believe what I am seeing, and wonder if the world is some figment of my imagination. (Don't get me started on the people who skewer hooks through there skin and hang from ceilings, either.)

It's accomplished with little difficulty if you develop your mystic powers by standing in crop circles made by the psychic inhabitants of UFOs.

 

[God]

My step-uncle has a friend of his, lives in mexico, that carries out a yearly scam against the misguided and ignorant masses.

It's a shame really... Hopefully one day a potential customer while having the crystal in his hand will punch your uncles friend in the face as hard as he possibly can, shattering bone and breaking teeth to put him in the hospital long enough to recognize he should get off his sorry ass and earn money like the rest of us, find some dignity and be a man instead of a cowardly swindling puss!

 

[Mojo]

It's accomplished with little difficulty if you develop your mystic powers by standing in crop circles made by the psychic inhabitants of UFOs.

Don't try doing it while you're on jury duty though. Doesn't go down too well with the judge.

 

[luchog]

It's a shame really... Hopefully one day a potential customer while having the crystal in his hand will punch your uncles friend in the face as hard as he possibly can, shattering bone and breaking teeth to put him in the hospital long enough to recognize he should get off his sorry ass and earn money like the rest of us, find some dignity and be a man instead of a cowardly swindling puss!

"Never give a sucker an even break."

 

[Starthinker]

My step-uncle has a friend of his, lives in mexico, that carries out a yearly scam against the misguided and ignorant masses.

There is a local harvest fair in his town once a year that lasts about three days. He orders 10 bags of impure quartz crystals of various colors from China, which he buys at $10 a bag (or the mexican equivilant). Each bag contains approximately 500 crystals.

He sets up a booth at the fair, and lures customers in with slight variations of the same line: "You! Oh goodness, your negative energy is very strong. Come! Come and let me find you a unique spiritual partner!" He sifts through the pile of rocks on his table, as if 'searching' for the right one. He picks one, palms it, places it in the hand of the customer, and holds their hand closed over it. He asks them if they feel the good energy, the release of tension and negativity. They vigourosly nod "yes" of course. He then tells them that happiness can be their's for only $10.

He goes through roughly three bags a day.

Every year he buys himself a new motorboat and goes fishing.

Where do you get these $10 bags of crystals?

 

[Amapola]

Starthinker - do a search on "Fire Mountain Gems and Beads". There are dozens of supply places, this is simply one of them.

I like Luke T's idea, it is positively evil. What would you call that? "Whole Body Cleansing"?