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Books Not to Read

Shut your mouth you anti-Thomas Hardy troglodites!!!!!

I have only one of his novels left and I will have read them all.
Big fan of his poetry too.
 
Dr. Keith said:
I told my kid that Candide was one of the funniest books I had ever read. When he realized that the biggest joke was on him, he really started hating me in earnest. The one redeeming fact is that when I refer to an annoyingly cheerful relative as Pangloss my kid finds it funny.
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What? I loved it! I like the bit about the woman who was “very ugly”. Oh wait, that’s the kind of casual misogyny you would find in a Heller novel.
 
The Sparrow said:
Shut your mouth you anti-Thomas Hardy troglodites!!!!!

I have only one of his novels left and I will have read them all.
Big fan of his poetry too.
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I loved it in the Mayor of Casterbridge when Farfrae built a machine to do agricultural work and “the crowd gazed in astonishment at Farfrae’s glorious erection.”
 
Don't bother with To Kill a Mockingbird. The supposed hero defends a rapist in court by attacking the credibility of the victim. He proves that she really wanted it. Fortunately there is a happy ending--the rapist guy is convicted anyway.
 
Brainster said:
Don't bother with To Kill a Mockingbird. The supposed hero defends a rapist in court by attacking the credibility of the victim. He proves that she really wanted it. Fortunately there is a happy ending--the rapist guy is convicted anyway.
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WHAT!!! That is not the story at all.

Oh, wait... This is a Poe, right?
 
I'm surprised that no one has mentioned Galaxy 666, by Pel Torro.

Although I struggle to imagine anyone recommending it to anyone...

I bought it in a supermarket for $0.20 and felt genuinely ripped off.
 
re: Anne Rice, listening to her drivel might be interesting (damn near anything beats reading it), but if you want REAL vampire stories: Chelsea Quinn Yarbro's Stain Germain is what you want. It goes from Ancient Egypt to the mid-70's, novels and short stories and the historical accuracy makes it believable. "Hotel Transylvania" is the first one in the series (but not in time sequence).

The Great Zaganza said:
The Bible

but everyone knows this, since no one has ever read anything but a few choice bits.
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You're wrong. I've read the entire book, from Genesis to Revelation - in order, and it actually makes sense if you do it that way and don't just pick out random out of context verses and pervert them to mean what you want them to mean. (Those "choice bits" you reference.)
 
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Armitage72 said:
That reminds me ... The Once and Future King.

For people who haven't read the novel that the movie "The Princess Bride" is based on, the premise is that it's an abridged version of a several centuries old novel that the author's father read to him as a child. When he found a copy as an adult, he discovered that his father had only been reading the good parts, while the actual book is incredibly dry, slow, and boring. The novel is the author's attempt to recreate what his father read to him.

For me, the Once and Future King is a real life version of the original unabridged book. I've never been able to get more than a quarter of the way through it.
A several page description of the leatherworking tools on a bench.
Merlin and Arthur shrink to explore an anthill, which sounds exciting, except it quickly becomes an allegorical essay on the inherent flaws of Communism.
The shapeshifting duel between Merlin and Mim, which was in the original "Sword in the Stone" novella and the Disney movie adaptation, was completely removed from "The Once and Future King", probably for being too exciting.
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There's a BBC Radio dramatisation of the novel that's available to listen to for the next few days. That does include the shapeshifting duel. Worth a listen; I can't honestly remember if I ever read the book or not.
 
TragicMonkey said:
I reluctantly have to add Bram Stoker's Dracula. Astonishing considering what a huge impact it had on our culture, but the book itself is rather dry, dull, and underwritten. The story is great, it's the execution that is lacking. It's a disappointing read because one expects so much more.
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Agree - a good story, badly told
 
Greebo said:
Agree - a good story, badly told
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Well, it is told in an epistolary style (as a series of letters, etc., the 19th century equivalent of ‘found footage’ movies), which is not to everyone’s taste, and can take a bit of getting used to.
 
TragicMonkey said:
The problem with Dickens isn't the large number of words, it's the appallingly small number of sentences (snip)
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The average length of a Charles Dickens sentence is shorter than the averages for Jane Austen, Mark Twain, and Lewis Carroll (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland).

Dickens's sentences average about half a word shorter than those of a US college graduate with a bachelor's degree. Henry James's sentences average about 35 words, twice as long as Dickens's.
 
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jadebox said:
It took me about 30 years to read Catch 22. Over that period of time, I tried to read it at least five or six times. I was never able to make it through the first chapter or two. But, I kept the novel on my bookshelf and I kept coming back to it because it seemed like a book I should enjoy.

Finally, I saw it for sale at Audible.com and I bought the audiobook. I listened to it in the car driving to and from work and I found it quite enjoyable.
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Did any of the female characters strike you as people with their own thoughts and desires rather than movable objects of male sexual desire?

Did Yossarian's grab em by the pussy approach to dating Nurse Duckett seem at all off-putting?
 
Spektator said:
The average length of a Charles Dickens sentence is shorter than the averages for Jane Austen, Mark Twain, and Lewis Carroll (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland).

Dickens's sentences average about half a word shorter than those of a US college graduate with a bachelor's degree. Henry James's sentences average about 35 words, twice as long as Dickens's.
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I didn't say the problem was unique to Dickens. He did come from an era of breathless exposition. With Dickens though his sentences just feel like they take forever, much moreso than his contemporaries. I don't get that same impression from Twain, or even Poe, even if they are equally long sentences. And certainly not with Carroll, because his tone is so much lighter. One can take long streams of pleasant nonsense far better than long streams of, well, Dickens.

There's a middle ground between Dickens and Hemingway.
 
d4m10n said:
Did any of the female characters strike you as people with their own thoughts and desires rather than movable objects of male sexual desire?

Did Yossarian's grab em by the pussy approach to dating Nurse Duckett seem at all off-putting?
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This thread is intended to be a more light-hearted break from the socio-political wrangling we often get caught up in. Please don't turn it into a Heller-SJW slapfight. You've said your piece. Please let other people say theirs. If you want to have a more in depth discussion of the problematic nature of Heller's work, please start your own own thread.
 
The Great Zaganza said:
The problem with this thread is lack of alternatives: if all you got to read is a crappy book, it's still better than nothing.
But I would suggest Rick Riordan over J.K. Rowling, as something comparable.
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Pratchett would also be a perfect alternative. With the added bonus of having plot, a consistent universe (with a nod to the trousers) and fantastic prose.
 
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