Okay, here's what we know thus far:
They (conspirators) put a Mauser on the sixth floor, apparently by mistake. They forgot to put a paper bag there with Oswald's prints on it. So they had to swap out the Mauser for the Mannlicher Carcano. And of course, there was no clip in the rifle... whichever one it was they are complaining about. So they had to scrounge up one that fit the MC and pretend it was found with the rifle. And then, since it wasn't Oswald's rifle, they had to forge the order form linking him to the rifle. And the money order linking him to paying for the rifle. And the shipment form showing the MC bearing serial number C2766 was shipped to his PO box. And then they had to forge those backyard photos showing him in possession of the rifle. And then they had to plant three shells from the MC C2766 on the sixth floor so it would look like shots came from there. And then they had to get Oswald to deny having a long paper bag that morning and bringing it to the Depository, or get both Wes Frazier and his sister to lie about seeing him that morning with a rifle. And they had to plant a paper bag with his prints on it, made of Depository paper, in the sniper's nest corner as well. And then they had to plant his fingerprints on the rifle's trigger guard, and his palm print under the stock.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
Not satisfied with all that, they planted a bullet on a gurney in Parkland (or swapped out the legit one that was found, or both planted and swapped out a bullet). But they didn't mangle it enough. And wait, they are not done.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
And they altered the Zapruder film to conceal evidence of a limo stop, and to conceal evidence that JFK's head had a large exit wound in the back of the head. And Zapruder himself must have been part of the conspiracy because he said on TV shortly after the assassination that the President had damage to the right-top of the head, over the ear.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
And the x-rays and autopsy photos were faked or altered.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
They somehow got the President's body and altered his wounds to retrieve bullets (and / or to reverse the bullet tracks), and altered the films and photos.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
A news photographer inadvertently took a photo supposedly showing Oswald in the doorway and those dastardly (and oh, so clever!) conspirators somehow got their hands on it and altered it to show someone who looked almost just like Oswald in the doorway! How brilliant is that? They thought of everything!
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
When the police showed up at the Paine residence, they somehow got Marina (or her double) to admit to the police that yes, Lee owned a rifle, and it was stored in the Paine garage. She led them there and pointed out the blanket she had previously seen it wrapped it. But when a policeman lifted the blanket, the blanket was empty, proving the conspirators had somehow figured out how to manipulate space-time, and could teleport the rifle away (or they hypnotized Marina into believing there was a rifle there that wasn't, or she lied about her husband owning a rifle. Or she was really part of the conspiracy, and although there was no rifle in the garage ever, she claimed there was solely to make her husband look guilty).
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
Wait, there's more! They went around and tried to intimidate witnesses into lying about what they saw. If that didn't work, they killed off hundreds of 'key' witnesses in bizarre ways, like having the cab driver who took him near his rooming house bumped off by a kamikaze driver who drove head long into him, killing both. Or killing off not the witness himself, but a relative of the witness.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
Wait, there's still more! They got the Warren Commissioners themselves to lie up and down about almost everything. And the FBI and the Secret Service and the Dallas Police were all involved somehow, either in the planting of evidence or in the coverup.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
And let's not forget the autopsy doctors! They lied left and right as well, and in fact at least one of them may have been part of the pre-autopsy alteration team that altered the President's wounds.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
Or maybe they altered Tippit's body, not JFK's, because it was Tippit who was shot riding in the Presidential limo. Or maybe Tppit was shot because he resembled JFK, and they needed a body to make it look like JFK was shot from behind so they could have autopsy x-rays and photos to show that.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
And those dastardly conspirators framed Oswald for shooting the President (or Tippit) from behind by putting anywhere from three to eight shooters all around Dealey Plaza, and they fired anywhere from four to sixteen shots in the assassination. All to frame a lone nut. They thought they were one step ahead of everyone with THAT brilliant plan.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
And they put Oswald in the company of anti-Castro Cubans (or someone pretending to be Oswald) to create the image of Oswald as a pro-Castro lone nut. How brilliant these guys were!
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
But wait, there's more!
They had multiple Oswalds roaming Dallas, doing totally innocuous things like getting a haircut or cashing a check, all to frame the real Oswald for the assassination somehow.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
And they actually had TWO different dedicated Oswalds, one 'Lee' and one 'Harvey', each with his own mother(!), co-existing in the 1950's as part of some elaborate plot to kill Kennedy although he wasn't even a junior senator from Massachusetts when these two Oswald's were put into action. But the Lee who defected wasn't the Lee who came back, as he was substituted by the KGB, so there's actually three Oswalds (if not more).
These conspirators are brilliant!
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
And conspirators framed Oswald for shooting Tippit, planting a bus transfer on him that links him to a bus ride, and faking a cab ride to past the rooming house. Those conspirators got Oswald to admit those things (or they got the interrogators to lie about those things, instead of getting the interrogators to lie about Oswald admitting Oswald owned a rifle, for instance). Brilliant! So the record reflects Oswald's denials, even though the interrogators could have lied and made up admissions! Brilliant!
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
And they also planted shells from Oswald's revolver (or swapped the actual shells for Oswald's shells later) to frame Oswald, because the police didn't really want to capture a cop killer, and were content to let the real murderer of one of their own roam free while they just picked up some schmuck who snuck into a theatre. And although Oswald discarded a jacket somewhere between the rooming house and the shoe store on Jefferson, the conspirators must have picked up his jacket and swapped it out for another one that couldn't be traced to Oswald and was a size too large in any case!
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
And somehow this massive plot grew out of David Ferrie, Lee Oswald, and Clay Shaw having what was called a 'BS' session in the trial of Shaw by the supposed witness to this initial plot. And somehow Oswald was involved as a co-conspirator (named as such) in this plot in New Orleans, according to Jim Garrison, although he was actually a patsy and trying to stop the assassination, and might even have been a hero.
But the Conspiracy Theorists figured all that out.
Did I miss anything?
I'm sure I missed plenty!
Conspiracy theorists don't have to make sense. And they don't.
Hank
