I'd really like to know in which countries the law is as you state it is. I only know about the local situation, where people have been able to change their sex legally for quite a while. This involves getting a new name, new identity documents, probably even a new number in the national population register, although I'm not sure about that last bit (that register, for some reason, assigns even numbers to women and odd numbers to men, so it seems one should get a different one). But that change can only be made if a person has really gone all the way, so to speak, IOW has had all the operations, and doctors certify to that. You also can't get those operations, and all the therapy leading up to them, until psychologists and psychiatrists have agreed that it is justified. It's definitely not just a matter of self-identification, and involves a long medico-legal process. From what little I know about it, I thought similar arrangements existed in other countries. So where are these "many countries" where science and anatomy doesn't matter, and one's legal sex is based solely on self-identification?
I used to think as you do and believed that, in order to change your gender, you had to have an operation. I thought that having genitals conferred gender. Vagina = woman and penis = man. However, I realized that there are several problems with this. For example: What happens if you lose your genitals somehow? Are you no longer a man or a woman? What if a man woke up one morning with a vagina instead of a penis, and nothing else had changed? Would "he" suddenly become a "she"? If a man is attracted to a trans woman, does that make him gay?
Additionally, people don't judge gender based upon what's between your legs in day-to-day life, usually because it's impossible. When you meet somebody, you make a judgment as to whether they're a man or a woman without asking them to drop their pants or lift their skirt. (At least, I hope so!) You can't ask for a DNA test before going to bed with somebody. You make the judgment based upon things like dress, vocal tones, mannerisms, general appearance, etc.
Traditionally, society has conferred gender based upon sex, i.e. what's between your legs. However, many argue that it makes more sense to consider sex and gender separate things. So, it's possible (albeit rarely) to be born with female parts and be a man, and vice versa. There is some science to back this up, as well. Transgender brains are different from cisgender ones. There are
similarities between a the brain of a trans-woman and a woman that don't exist between a trans-woman and a man.
If you were to show people photos of trans-women and cisgendered women, they wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Sure, some trans-women look like men in drag, but many do not. Some cisgender women, born with a vagina, look like men in drag. Some of the most beautiful women I've ever seen are trans. Does that make me bisexual now? No, clearly that's ridiculous, because the traits I'm attracted to aren't masculine ones. I have to conclude that sex and gender should be different things.
How is this different from stating: "The personal reality is that which any person is entitled to feel - for instance, that they're transgender. It's fine for them to feel like that - they just need to keep it to themselves."
It seems that to you, some personal realities should be expressed publicly, and treated with the utmost respect by everyone else, including the law, but other personal realities should be kept as a dirty little secret.
There's a large (and growing) body of evidence that transgender people are born that way. You don't make a conscious decision whether to be a man or a woman. You
do make a conscious decision about what you believe, though. So, if you decide that trans people are "not normal", that's an opinion (NOT something you were born with). Of course, you're entitled to your opinion, but don't be surprised when other people treat you differently for it. If someone walked around telling people that Jews or gays were "not normal", do you think it should be treated with the "utmost respect"?
