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Your favorite bible quotes

Dredred

Critical Thinker
Dredred
Joined
May 16, 2005
Messages
465
Here's mine:
Exodus

35:2 Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the LORD: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death.
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Dredred said:
"He whose testicles are crushed or whose male member is cut off shall not enter the assembly of the Lord."
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Oh, damn, that was going to be mine. Okay, here's another classic, Judges 1:19

The LORD was with the men of Judah. They took possession of the hill country, but they were unable to drive the people from the plains, because they had iron chariots.
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35:2 Six days shall work be done, but on the seventh day there shall be to you an holy day, a sabbath of rest to the LORD: whosoever doeth work therein shall be put to death.
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I would ask that God very carefully define work.

~~ Paul
 
So what would happen if I stood at the door of a church and asked each male to display his genitals so I could check that his penis and testicles were intact? Would that be okay?

~~ Paul
 
1 Samuel 5:9 And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.
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Paul C. Anagnostopoulos said:
So what would happen if I stood at the door of a church and asked each male to display his genitals so I could check that his penis and testicles were intact? Would that be okay?

~~ Paul
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I think that would be okay. If you could do the same with women, I might just convert :)
ETA: Just to avoid mistakes: That smiting their heads part (see below) is not for me though, that's more God's cup of tea..

JIsaiah 3:17

"..the Lord will smite with a scab the heads of the daughters of Zion, and the Lord will lay bare their secret parts."

Exodus 21:20

"When a man strikes his slave, male or female, with a rod and the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished. But if the slave survives a day or two, he is not to be punished; for the slave is his money."

Deuteronomy 22:20

"But if the thing is true, that the tokens of virginity were not found in the young woman, then you shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones..."
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Samuel 18:27

"David arose and went, along with his men, and killed two hundred of the Philistines; and David brought their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king, that he might become the king's son-in-law."

Genesis 38:9

"...so when he went into his brother"s wife he spilled the semen on the ground...And what he did (spilling his semen) was displeasing in the sight of the Lord and He slew him also."

Psalms 119:158

"I look at the faithless with disgust..."

Ephesians 6:5

"Slaves, obey your earthly masters with respect and fear, and with sincerity of heart, just as you would obey Christ."

I Corinthians 14:34-35

"Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church."

Leviticus 15:1-6

"The LORD gave Moses and Aaron the following regulations for the people of Israel. When any man has a discharge from his penis the discharge is unclean, whether the penis runs with it or is stopped up by it. Any bed on which he sits or lies is unclean. Anyone who touches his bed or sits on anything the man has sat on must wash his clothes and take a bath, and he remains unclean until evening. Anyone who touches the man with the discharge must wash his clothes,and take a bath, and he remains unclean until evening."

Genesis 19:31-38

"One day the older daughter said to the younger, 'Our father is old, and there is no man around here to lie with us, as is the custom all over the earth. Let's get our father to drink wine and then lie with him and preserve our family line through our father.'"
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For the ladies:

Ephesians 5:22-24

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Deuteronomy 22:28-29

If a man [meets] a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her ... He must marry the girl ... He can never divorce her as long as he lives.
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For the kids:

Deuteronomy 21:18-21

If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son ... Then shall his father and his mother ... bring him out unto the elders of his city ... And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die.
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And this one is just plain gross:

Song of Solomon 5:4

My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.
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All in all we can see God is a wonderful guy that gives us wonderful advice.
More interesting bible quotes at http://www.positiveatheism.org/crt/nbwposath.htm
 
This is my favourite bit;

Exodus:

4:22 And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh, Thus saith the LORD, Israel is my son, even my firstborn:

4:23 And I say unto thee, Let my son go, that he may serve me: and if thou refuse to let him go, behold, I will slay thy son, even thy firstborn.

4:24 And it came to pass by the way in the inn, that the LORD met him, and sought to kill him.

4:25 Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.

4:26 So he let him go: then she said, A bloody husband thou art, because of the circumcision.

4:27 And the LORD said to Aaron, Go into the wilderness to meet Moses. And he went, and met him in the mount of God, and kissed him....
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Yes indeed, God jumps from instructing Moses on what the LORD demands of Egypt, that most famous of Mosiacal stories, to suddenly hunting Moses down to try and kill him. But a quick bit of literally stone age surgery, some jolly japing around with the dismembered member bit, and God is apparently mollified.

And then it's straight on to arranging some sort of homosexual union between Moses and Aaron. Or... maybe not... it's all very confusing, and I'm not sure what to believe any more. God moves in very mysterious ways, doesn't he?
 
Luke 10:25-37 might be my favorite.

25 And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

26 He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?

27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

28 And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.

29 But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?

30 And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

31 And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

32 And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.

33 But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,

34 And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.

35 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

36 Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?

37 And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.
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Malachi 2:3 Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.
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Revelation 3:15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot. 16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.
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Sounds a bit like "How to Serve Man". Do we want to be eaten by God?
 
These are all great, of course. But have any of you ever confronted a xtian with any of these "quotable quotes" to get their comments on just how absurd and immoral these quotes are? I mean do most of them say not to take these quotes literally? Or do they really believe in them?
 
ceo_esq said:
Luke 10:25-37 might be my favorite.
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Funny you should pick that one..

One might read that Jesus was just as disdainfull of Samaritans as anyone; he was just making a point, that even a lowly, disgusting & etc. Samaritan could be compassionate, while someone from a more acceptable class of people could behave despicably...


( Sorry ceo, it's my job to be cynical .. ;) )



Can't remember the verse, but I always liked the one about ' plucking out your eye if it offends you '..

Seems there ought to be a lot more one-eyed Christians than there are...
 
pinecone said:
These are all great, of course. But have any of you ever confronted a xtian with any of these "quotable quotes" to get their comments on just how absurd and immoral these quotes are? I mean do most of them say not to take these quotes literally? Or do they really believe in them?
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If christians take some parts of the bible literally, and claim it's true because "it is said", they should do so with every part, even the insanely stupid ones quoted in this thread. After all, It's all God's word, right?
Fortunately I hardly ever meet any fanatic christians, and I don't search them out. I saw an example though of someone confronting one of them with curious parts of the bible, in the thread "The Gospel", and she did what you would expect: She ignored the question.
Somewhere on a website I read the defense that all those laws only applied before Christ sacrificed himself for our sins, so that would mean God used to be a real *sshole, but when we killed his son, he lightened up a bit.
 
Genesis

32:24 And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.

32:25 And when he saw that he prevailed not against him, he touched the hollow of his thigh; and the hollow of Jacob's thigh was out of joint, as he wrestled with him.

32:26 And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.


Jacob slaps the ankle lock on god and makes him tap!
 
Genesis

19:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.

19:31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:

19:32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

19:36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

19:37 And the first born bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.

19:38 And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.
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It's such a goodly tale...full of xian morals. Lot plays 'hide the salami' with his daughters. (sniff) Praise the Lord.

[Bonus side story! - the Moabites and Ammonites were the enemies of the Israelites. So this story shows they are all the despicable offspring of an incestual relationship]
 
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