I have had this discussion a number of times before and there are always a number of elements and possibilities that often get ignored.
1. Communications.
We have been looking for radio waves mostly as a sign of civilization. However, even our own civilization is starting to use other means of communication rather than sending powerful radio waves into space. Efficient communication means that only the intended recipient receives the message and only enough energy to get that message to the recipient is used. For example, early tv shows were broadcast by radio waves that went into space but now most are transmitted via cable. For us, there will be a period of about 60 years or so that you could detect us via radio waves. After that, you could not.
2. Spreading through the galaxy.
The assumption is that a civilization would spread throughout the galaxy. Again, efficiency would tend to dictate that such a process would be done with an eye to minimizing the cost. Planets would be observed first, likely remotely as we do now, and then scouted. The biggest argument I see on that subject concerns the use of Von Neumann probes. In my opinion, there is not enough discussion on the vast technological problems involved in creating Von Neumann probes. Even if it were possible to do so, Von Neumann probes would not be more efficient than living organisms since they would have to find materials to reproduce, which would be difficult, time consuming and energy intensive. I think the time scale involved in settling the galaxy is likely enormous, even if faster than light drives were possible.
Lastly, I don't think arguments such as "It is the nature of intelligent life to destroy itself", "It is the nature of intelligent life to destroy others" or "Life is periodically destroyed by naturally occurring events" are likely solutions. A galaxy is a huge place. To make the assumption that every potential civilization is going to follow a similar path seems unlikely.
The biggest problem in this is that we don't know exactly what is required for life to arise. Once we solve that, we can make an better estimate of the chances of life in the universe.