What Is There To Do In Heaven?

LostAngeles

Penultimate Amazing
L
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May 22, 2004
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Hell is supposed to be a place of blinding torment where demons pick at your innards forever, lash the skin from flesh, and other painful things.

So what happens in Heaven? Is it doing plays about how much stealing hurts you deep inside, singing the Lord's praises, existing in a state of calm bliss and nothing more? We hear so damn much about what happens in Hell, I'd like to know what happens in Heaven aside from the wings.
 
Great avatar, LA. :)

I'm reminded of a certain skit by a certain british comedy group...

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
 
Well, you get to watch the people in Hell being tormented, if I recall my theology correctly. That's supposed to be fun.
 
Revelation 4:8 And the four beasts had each of them six wings about [him]; and [they were] full of eyes within: and they rest not day and night, saying, Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was, and is, and is to come.


Heaven sounds like hell to me.:eek: Can you imagine putting up with that vain crap forever?
 
I've always told my mormon relatives that if heaven is anything like the mormon life style here on earth, I don't want to go!;)
 
Read Mark Twains' "Letters from the Earth", it has a section on Christians idea of heaven, and as satire it is unsurpassed.
In man's heaven everybody sings! The man who did not sing on earth sings there; the man who could not sing on earth is able to do it there. The universal singing is not casual, not occasional, not relieved by intervals of quiet; it goes on, all day long, and every day, during a stretch of twelve hours. And everybody stays; whereas in the earth the place would be empty in two hours. The singing is of hymns alone. Nay, it is of one hymn alone. The words are always the same, in number they are only about a dozen, there is no rhyme, there is no poetry: "Hosannah, hosannah, hosannah, Lord God of Sabaoth, 'rah! 'rah! 'rah! siss! -- boom! ... a-a-ah!"
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You sit around with God all day feeling smug because you deserve it. I bet no Christian is there to actually enjoy it, just to sit there and look sophisticated, like stupid rich people at an opera who only come to follow the plot.
 
what happens in Heaven
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every Thursday is bingo night, and you will attend, other than that you can devote your time to learning, as there is so much to learn. Starting with science, history etc (that the easy stuff) once you have mastered all there is to know you can explore that knowledge and do some painting, poetry and stuff like that. Then there is getting to know everyone, personally, intimately until there is nothing more to discuss. Then… er … then ..you can um, you can do it all over again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again …………
 
wittgenst3in said:
Read Mark Twains' "Letters from the Earth", it has a section on Christians idea of heaven, and as satire it is unsurpassed.
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Letters From The Earth is one of my favorite pieces of Twainicana. i wanted to mention it as soon as i saw this thread, but you beat me to it. congratulations on good taste.
 
LostAngeles said:
So what happens in Heaven?
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I'm not sure ... but if I should ever end up there (HA!) I'm going to go around and start telling everyone that there's this place called SUPER HEAVEN ruled by SUPER GOD where only select followers (who obey me) will enter and ....

Go ahead everyone -- prove me wrong !! :D
 
Re: Re: What Is There To Do In Heaven?

Just thinking said:
I'm not sure ... but if I should ever end up there (HA!) I'm going to go around and start telling everyone that there's this place called SUPER HEAVEN ruled by SUPER GOD where only select followers (who obey me) will enter and ....

Go ahead everyone -- prove me wrong !! :D
Click to expand...

Super Heaven is a dump compared to the glories of Monkey Heaven, where everyone indulges in free lovin', fruit-and-feces-throwing fights, and sitting around in tree tops shrieking as loudly as possible. And if it's possible to get bored with those activities, Monkey Heaven has a hidden entrance into Regular Stupid Heaven, so you can slip in and play subtle practical jokes, like throwing fruit and feces at God and his angels. Ain't nobody going to sing a hymn once they get a holy faceful of what they hope is just fruit!

So give Regular Stupid Heaven a miss, and choose Monkey Heaven as your preferred post-terrestrial destination. Unleash your inner monkey, and have the time of your afterlife!


Offer may be void in some locations. Employees of Monkey Heaven and their families may not be eligible for entry. See your local Monkey Heaven Tourist Board for details. Offer expires 12/31/2004.
 
For the big, important questions, I think it is imperative that we go directly to the source. That's right...Monty Python.

It's Christmas in Heaven,
All the children sing,
It's Christmas in Heaven,
Hark hark those church bells ring.
It's Christmas in Heaven,
The snow falls from the sky...
But it's nice and warm and everyone
looks smart and wears a tie.
It's Christmas in Heaven,
There's great films on TV...
`The Sound of Music' twice an hour
And `Jaws' I, II, and III.
There's gifts for all the family,
There's toiletries and trains...
There's Sony Walkman Headphone sets
And the latest video games.
It's Christmas it's Christmas in Heaven!
Hip hip hip hip hip hooray!
Every single day,
Is Christmas day.
 
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