Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

[Mr Manifesto]

Warning: This is a language wankers' thread. If you're the sort person who can't stand seeing people tiredly whinge about how the English language is being "raped", you'll hate this thread.

Here are some minor language abuses that really hack me off. If you're really bored, you can search my previous posts and see how many of the below I use.

Using 'Alternate' Instead of 'Alternative'
This one goes first, because it's the least offense in the language world. The reason being, it's a confusing rule. You usually use 'alternate' only when you refer something going to a state from x to y then back to x again.

eg, "The light flashed alternately red and green."

When most people use 'alternate', they actually mean 'alternative'. How many times have you heard 'alternate strategy'?

The kicker, though, is that there is an exception to this rule. When you talk about an alternative universe (like one where JFK didn't get assassinated and yada yada yada), you actually say 'alternate universe'. This is because so many American authors have used the term, it'd be more confusing to use the proper word than to keep going with what we have.

So, even though these words were just made to be mixed up with one another, I still get hacked off when people do it.

'Ongoing' Instead of 'Continuing'
The main reason I hate this is because usually the only people who use the word 'ongoing' are tossers of the highest order. But really, why use an awkword contraction when there's a perfectly good verb all ready to use?

Putting Something in French to Make Yourelf Sound Cool
This is becoming de rigueur among journos, sadly the left-leaning ones are more guilty of this than the right. Usually involves using a French phrase that you don't know the meaning of. Fortunately, not so many people are using a mauled version of the 'Plus ca change...' quote as used to be.

Yada, Yada, Yada
Look, if you can't be bothered to write a decent sentence, don't write it, okay? I hate this one used in everyday speech as well. Office workers most guilty of using it.

Memory Hole
This sets my teeth on edge. In fact, I think I just snapped a molar.

Ramp Up
This phrase conjures up many images, all of them homosexual. That's why so many journos and newsreaders use this term, to indulge their suppressed homoerotic impulses. That's my theory, I don't care if you think I'm projecting.

'-gate' Suffix
I hope I don't need to explain this one.

One Sentence Paragraphs
Usually used by sh!t thick journos who managed to suck-@$$ their way to their own opinon columns.
It's great for two reasons.
It makes every sentence heavy with depth and meaning.
And, it uses up more column inches with less words.
Lucky, because the journos who use this style usually can't sustain an idea for a whole 500 words.

 

[LuxFerum]

The ongoing rape of the english is a memory hole that contain exactly the alternate yada, yada, yada that Bill-gates is doing to ramp up microsoft, comprenez-vous ?

 

[bug_girl]

the thing that drives me nuts is random use of appostrophes.
i.e, "Potatoe's"

 

[Morwen]

Mr. Manifesto, I don't know if you did this on purpose, but... That word you created, "awkword", to denote a clumsy or ill-conceived use of the language, is a gem. I love it. I intend to start using it from now on. And it can be a verb, and a noun too!

 

[LucyR]

"Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off" - that's pretty appalling for a start.

"Ramp up"? Slang term of electrical engineers and their ilk.

"This is this kicker...." I hate this expression.

 

[Monketi Ghost]

the thing that drives me nuts is random use of appostrophes.
i.e, "Potatoe's"

Lessee... started a sentence with a lower case t... one too many pee's in apostrophe... one too many e's in potatos...

My English is perfect, however.

 

[Monketi Ghost]

...(like one where JFK didn't get assassinated and yada yada yada...

...Yada, Yada, Yada
Look, if you can't be bothered to write a decent sentence, don't write it, okay?

This was en purposse, oui? (and, oui, I don't know French and just made up my own. I call it "Better French than real French")

 

[asthmatic camel]

Microsoft did fairly well in the piss-poor language stakes with "Based on NT technology". Based on new technology technology ? WTF ?

 

[Gregory]

'Ongoing' Instead of 'Continuing'
The main reason I hate this is because usually the only people who use the word 'ongoing' are tossers of the highest order. But really, why use an awkword contraction when there's a perfectly good verb all ready to use?

Because "ongoing" rolls off the tongue more smoothly than "continuing." At least I think it does. What's a tosser, anyway?

 

[Melissa Johnson]

I've ranted about this word before:

impact

fer example:

..."It still remains to be seen how the new tax will impact those of us in certain income brackets..."



AIGGGH!

If it ain't about a meteorite or a wisdom tooth, I don't want to hear anything about impact ...

Not that anyone really seems to care. I've heard it cropping up all over in such context lately but I still refuse to use it, and I'll keep whining every time I hear it used that way...

 

[Melissa Johnson]

Re: Re: Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

Because "ongoing" rolls off the tongue more smoothly than "continuing." At least I think it does. What's a tosser, anyway?

I think the term continuing on should be erased from the lexicon as well...it's icky.

 

[sorgoth]

Re: Re: Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

Because "ongoing" rolls off the tongue more smoothly than "continuing." At least I think it does. What's a tosser, anyway?

I agree. I use ongoing, just because it sounds nicer.

 

[scribble]

"Disconnect"

As in "There was a disconnect between the marketing people and the programming staff."

IF you're going to use a word like that, then the word you are looking for is "disconnection." Disconnect is a verb. Don't nounify it, you bastiges!

Better yet, why not just say what you're trying to say?

 

[Peter Jenkins]

Teen girl 1: "And I was like 'What?', and he was like 'Yeah' and I was like 'no way' and he was like 'Yeah!' and I was like" {holds hand up as if to indicate a 'halt' signal}
Teen girl 2: "No! I'd be like '**** off'"

Actual conversation heard on public transport recently.
Peter

 

[Mr Manifesto]

WTF can you say about this passage?:

Beonic also provides unique, industrial-strength digital video technology for in-store security surveillance and monitoring. It effectively delivers twice the value to stores.

Beonic Media Press Release

Well, I suppose they could have used the phrase, 'very unique', but otherwise still a good example of language-mauling. "Industrial-strength digitial video technology"? And what's up with their use of 'effectively'?

 

[epepke]

Putting Something in French to Make Yourelf Sound Cool
This is becoming de rigueur among journos, sadly the left-leaning ones are more guilty of this than the right.[/B]

I like to use French to make things sound sarcastic.

My pet peeve is when people, nearly all of them, pronounce "short-lived" with a short I. "Short-lived" is like "big-nosed" or "fat-assed." The hyphen tells you it's a compound adjective, and the second word is a noun. People who are short-lived don't have a short live; they have a short life, with a long "i." The only reason that it isn't "short-lifed" is that there's a morphophonemic transformation from "f" to "v" when some suffixes are added.

 

[mummymonkey]

I can't get worked up about short-lived rhyming with tort-ribbed.
There are worse crimes; such as speaking every sentence as if it where a question? I think the Australians started that? People who speak like that also sprinkle their sentences with like, lots of extra words? I don't like, like that.

 

[Brown]

Re: Re: Uses of the Language that Hack Me Off

My pet peeve is when people, nearly all of them, pronounce "short-lived" with a short I. "Short-lived" is like "big-nosed" or "fat-assed." The hyphen tells you it's a compound adjective, and the second word is a noun. People who are short-lived don't have a short live; they have a short life, with a long "i." The only reason that it isn't "short-lifed" is that there's a morphophonemic transformation from "f" to "v" when some suffixes are added.

I'm with you on this.

 

[bug_girl]

Lessee... started a sentence with a lower case t... one too many pee's in apostrophe... one too many e's in potatos...

the first two are correct, but the "potatoe's" was an example of the sort of thing that makes me nuts.
not only is it not posessive (potatoes' what??) but the apostrophe is in the wrong place. i see this a lot in groceries: "Tomatoe's $1.00"
everything seems to be posessive if it has an S.

(and i reserve the right to randomly capitalize when not at work. )

 

[Mercutio]

Warning: This is a language wankers' thread. If you're the sort person who can't stand seeing people tiredly whinge about how the English language is being "raped", you'll hate this thread.
.....

One Sentence Paragraphs
Usually used by sh!t thick journos who managed to suck-@$$ their way to their own opinon columns.
It's great for two reasons.
It makes every sentence heavy with depth and meaning.
And, it uses up more column inches with less words.
Lucky, because the journos who use this style usually can't sustain an idea for a whole 500 words.

Please..."fewer" words.