Upchurch
Papa Funkosophy
Caution: This thread is presented in Tongue-In-Cheek Vision (tm). The views presented here are not necessarily those of its author. People on medication or those lacking a sense of irony are advised to avoid this thread.
Brothers and Sisters,
As many of you know, I have recently become a member of the Unitarian Universalists Church here in St. Louis. In talking about it here on these boards, I've discovered that I have a knack for Unitarianism Evangelism. Without consciously trying, I've convinced at least three of our fellow posters to give Unitarianism a chance. I've decided to embrace my calling and evangelize.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Unitarian Universalism, I would summarize the UU position as this: All religions are basically valid but describe only an aspect of the whole story. UU's have no creedal requirements and don't even require that you have faith in God. (That is, "God" in whatever sense you care to define the word.)
To start my ministry, I performed the sacred Unitarian prayer/meditation which is commonly known in the vernacular as “daydreaming”. And lo! In my prayer/meditation, I was struck with the inspiration of a Universal(ist) Truth! And that Truth is this:
Unitarianism is the ultimate answer to Pascal’s Wager!
As many of you know, Pascal’s Wager goes something like this: We don’t know for sure whether God exists or not, therefore there are four possibilities. (1) If God exists and we don’t have faith in God, we’re frelled. (2) If God exists and we do have faith in God, we’re saved. (3) If God doesn’t exist and we don’t have faith in God, it doesn’t matter. (4) If God doesn’t exist and we have faith in God, no harm done. The safest option, it is argued, is to have faith in God which guarantees no bad consequences.
It’s pretty sound logic until you account for the fact that there is more than one religion with more than one God. Even if you have faith in God there is still a chance of being frelled if it turns out that we have faith in the wrong God.
So, what is the answer? That’s right! Unitarianism! Assuming you ignore that tiny little thing where they don’t require you to have faith in God.
That’s right, Unitarianism. Unitarianism believes that all religions are basically valid so when Unitarians have faith in God, they basically have faith in the “one God(s)” that all Gods really represent.
“But wait,” I hear you say, “you can’t be faithful to all Gods. Almost every religion has restrictions to the effect of ‘You shall have no other god before [our God]’.” That’s true and a good point, however, this phrase is often seen as a commandment when it is really a statement of fact. See, from the Unitarian perspective, God isn’t requesting that we not worship other Gods. Instead, God is tell us that we don’t have the option. When we worship “another” God, we’re still worshiping the same overall God, just a different aspect of Him/Her/It/Them.
So, you see, Unitarianism is the one sure fire way to avoid getting frelled for all eternity. Unless, of course, that is your idea of Heaven, then I’m sure we can arrange something for you.
You can join the Unitarian Universalists at a UU Church near you. You just may be frelled if you don’t.
Brother Upchurch
Brothers and Sisters,
As many of you know, I have recently become a member of the Unitarian Universalists Church here in St. Louis. In talking about it here on these boards, I've discovered that I have a knack for Unitarianism Evangelism. Without consciously trying, I've convinced at least three of our fellow posters to give Unitarianism a chance. I've decided to embrace my calling and evangelize.
For those of you who are unfamiliar with Unitarian Universalism, I would summarize the UU position as this: All religions are basically valid but describe only an aspect of the whole story. UU's have no creedal requirements and don't even require that you have faith in God. (That is, "God" in whatever sense you care to define the word.)
To start my ministry, I performed the sacred Unitarian prayer/meditation which is commonly known in the vernacular as “daydreaming”. And lo! In my prayer/meditation, I was struck with the inspiration of a Universal(ist) Truth! And that Truth is this:
Unitarianism is the ultimate answer to Pascal’s Wager!
As many of you know, Pascal’s Wager goes something like this: We don’t know for sure whether God exists or not, therefore there are four possibilities. (1) If God exists and we don’t have faith in God, we’re frelled. (2) If God exists and we do have faith in God, we’re saved. (3) If God doesn’t exist and we don’t have faith in God, it doesn’t matter. (4) If God doesn’t exist and we have faith in God, no harm done. The safest option, it is argued, is to have faith in God which guarantees no bad consequences.
It’s pretty sound logic until you account for the fact that there is more than one religion with more than one God. Even if you have faith in God there is still a chance of being frelled if it turns out that we have faith in the wrong God.
So, what is the answer? That’s right! Unitarianism! Assuming you ignore that tiny little thing where they don’t require you to have faith in God.
That’s right, Unitarianism. Unitarianism believes that all religions are basically valid so when Unitarians have faith in God, they basically have faith in the “one God(s)” that all Gods really represent.
“But wait,” I hear you say, “you can’t be faithful to all Gods. Almost every religion has restrictions to the effect of ‘You shall have no other god before [our God]’.” That’s true and a good point, however, this phrase is often seen as a commandment when it is really a statement of fact. See, from the Unitarian perspective, God isn’t requesting that we not worship other Gods. Instead, God is tell us that we don’t have the option. When we worship “another” God, we’re still worshiping the same overall God, just a different aspect of Him/Her/It/Them.
So, you see, Unitarianism is the one sure fire way to avoid getting frelled for all eternity. Unless, of course, that is your idea of Heaven, then I’m sure we can arrange something for you.
You can join the Unitarian Universalists at a UU Church near you. You just may be frelled if you don’t.
Brother Upchurch
