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The Ten Commandments: How many have you broken?

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shemp

a flimsy character...perfidious and despised
shemp
Joined
Nov 5, 2002
Messages
69,562
Location
The U.S., a wretched hive of scum and villainy.
I'll reproduce them here, as given by Mr. Randi in this week's commentary:

1. I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
Here we have this blatant threat again: Do this or I'll kill you.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

8. Thou shalt not steal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.
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So how many of us have coveted our neighbor's ass, or worse?

I've broken all but number 6. I'm on the Highway to Hell!
 
I switched from Catholicism to atheism. Since no other god was involved, I really haven't broken the first one, have I?

This version is very specifically worded that the sabbath should be on the 7th day, i.e. Saturday. I have worked on Saturdays before.

I "take the name of the lord in vain", once in a while, not too often.

I'd say I'm in pretty good compliance for someone who doesn't give a hoot.
 
1. Whatever. I didn't count this one.

2. Not sure, but I want to up my count.

3. Duh.

4. Hey, weekends are short as it is.

5. I like my 'rents.

6. My windshield is a slaughterhouse.

7. Ain't fooled around on the wife.

8. No comment...

9. Not this one, even for the creepy neighbors.

10. Not currently, but, damn, we've had some highly covetable neighbors!

6/10. I'll keep trying...
 
arcticpenguin said:

I'd say I'm in pretty good compliance for someone who doesn't give a hoot.
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As well we might expect from any Penguin worth his salt...

What do you call that noise you make anyway? I keep hearing that anoying sound made by the Penguin in the T.V. " Bat Man " series....
 
Sundog said:
Point of order. Is it still adultery if she helps?
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I don't know if this helps, but Adultry in the Old testament had to do with with knowing where the kid came from and nothing to do with cheating on your spouse, as is commonly inferred today.

Might be a good topic for a new discussion..
 
Diogenes said:


I don't know if this helps, but Adultry in the Old testament had to do with with knowing where the kid came from and nothing to do with cheating on your spouse, as is commonly inferred today.

Might be a good topic for a new discussion..
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Thanks! Whew, do I feel better. Wouldn't want to be an adulterer.

Why don't they call child molesters childerers?
 
I aspire to break them all.

That's gotta count for something.
 
Sundog said:


Thanks! Whew, do I feel better. Wouldn't want to be an adulterer.
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Don't get too excited.. I haven't cleared you yet.. I can't do that without knowing the exact circumstances..


It is possible ( in the context of my statement above, regarding what adultry meant in the OT ) for a married man to have sex outside of his marriage, and not be committing adultry...
 
Diogenes said:


Don't get too excited.. I haven't cleared you yet.. I can't do that without knowing the exact circumstances..
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No can do. I am in Texas, after all, and most of the circumstances probably have a law about them somewhere.




It is possible ( in the context of my statement above, regarding what adultry meant in the OT ) for a married man to have sex outside of his marriage, and not be committing adultry...
Click to expand...

Well, I know that all the little Sundogs and Sundoggettes in the world are under my own roof, so I think I'm OK.

So technically, I can sleep with my neighbor's wife as long as I don't want to. This religion stuff is confusing.
 
1. I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

As Mr. Randi stated in his commentary, wouldnt this be imposing a restriction on the practice of free religion? Oh wait, I'm an atheist, I have no gods therefore I cannot logically have any gods before the God.

2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth: Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.

Uh-oh... My very religious sister-in-law has a crucifix hanging in her car where a pair of fuzzy dice should be. But fortunately, I havent broken this law myself so I'm all good... wait, what about my Buddy Christ doll. Commandment 2 broken.

3. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

GOD DAMMIT! JESUS F*NKING CHRIST! Command 3 just broken.

4. Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

My Sundays are very busy. I have to grade papers, eat food, kill the environment... yeah, I've broken that one.

5. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.
Here we have this blatant threat again: Do this or I'll kill you.

◊◊◊◊ you mom! ◊◊◊◊ you dad! Burn in HELL! I've never honored/gave into my parents... Command 5 broken.

6. Thou shalt not kill.

I refuse to bow down to any God who denies me my right to hoboes at the bus station. I bought the pipewrench, I intendeths to use it. Command 6 is broken.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery.

Not only do I love my wife too much to do such a thing, I fear for my life. If she ever suspected I committed adultery... I'd be no more than limbless torso in the dumpster (sorry for the grotesque imagery, its necessary to get my point across).

8. Thou shalt not steal.

◊◊◊◊ that. Command 8 broken.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour.

I've gossipped, everybody has gossiped. Commandment 9 broken.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

Are you schvitzing me? Really, my neighbors crap pales in comparison to mine... cant say they dont have really nice "roll-a-hose" device. Command 10 broken.
 
I've broken all of them except 5 and 7.

Commandment 5: I like my mother and father. I try to do right by them. It's good enough for me, even if it isn't good enough for the Invisible Buddy in the Sky

Commandment 7: I love my husband and see no real reason to cheat on him. Of course, if the pretty girl at the bookstore was available...I'd be thinking about it :D Or maybe not...

Oh yeah, if you're wondering about #6, if you eat meat, you've broken it. Should have been more specific :D
 
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