Alice Shortcake
Graduate Poster
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2007
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I’ve just finished reading “UFOs and Alien Contact – Two Centuries of Mystery” by Robert E Bartholomew and George S Howard. The book closes with a compilation of over 200 examples of so-called alien contacts, some of which are so hilarious I couldn’t resist sharing them with you:
1924, Denver, Colorado
Mrs H C Hutchinson claims to have received psychic messages from Elder Brothers on Mars…She was told that Martians don’t make love, but healthy, intelligent females have babies via parthenogenesis, which is frustrating to Martian men and one of the reasons they are visiting the earth…
1936, near Port Colborne, Ontario, Canada
At age fifteen, Johann Purchalski observed “a saucer type object” pass over Port Colborne and land in a nearby field…He was given a metal badge which “states that the ship was owned by a member of the Planet Mars Police Force in the main city, Marsopolis”.
1952, near Mormon Mesa, Nevada
Falling asleep in his truck in the Nevada desert, Truman Bethurum awoke surrounded by “eight to ten small men”. All were neatly dressed in uniforms similar to those “worn by Greyhound bus drivers.”
1957, Everittstown, New Jersey
John Trasco walked outside to feed his dog and saw a brilliant egg-shaped object hovering in front of his barn. Confronted by a three-foot-tall being with large froglike eyes, Tresco thought the “little man” said, in broken English, “We are peaceful people, we only want your dog.” Frightened, he replied “Get the hell out of here.”
1965, Venezuela
A UFO landed and two occupants seven to eight feet tall with long hair and big eyes…communicated telepathically. When asked if any aliens live amongst us, they replied “Yes, two million, four hundred and seventeen thousand, eight hundred and five.”
1975, Fargo, North Dakota
After being returned home by aliens who took her on a trip to another planet, Sandra Larson was asked by one of her abductors what soap was. At this, she gave him a cup of laundry detergent.
1977, near Pelham, Georgia
Five aliens take a Mr Dawson aboard their spaceship and give him a medical examination. Near the end of the exam, Dawson says a voice from inside the craft shouted, “I am Jimmy Hoffa! I am Jimmy Hoffa! I am-“
1978, near Belden, Nebraska
A prominent businessman watched a bright object, which closely resembled an army tank, land on the road ahead. A door in the craft opened and a man, wearing white duck pants and a white shirt, stepped out. He then spoke, addressing the witness by his first name: “Well, Bob – what do you think of this?” The man then re-entered the object, which left the same way as it came. A high-pitched whine was heard as the object left.
1979, near La Palma, Mexico
Manuel Fidel Cruz Lopez was approached by eight armed aliens who emerged from a hovering saucer-shaped object. They ordered him to cut off his penis, which he did with his machete. He got medical aid the next day after wandering that night in shock.
Lopez, who has a wife and three kids, said: “I am not ashamed of being castrated. That was fate and it could happen to anyone.”
And finally, my personal favourite:
1979, Rowley Regis, West Midlands
Jean Hingley was at her Bluestone Walk home when a flying saucer landed on the lawn. “I opened the back door and there was a blinding light. Then these three men bombed past me and went into the lounge. The little green men had wings and horrible waxy faces, like corpses.” She offered them coffee, but they asked for a glass of water. Upon leaving, they took her mince pies and said they would return some other time.
1924, Denver, Colorado
Mrs H C Hutchinson claims to have received psychic messages from Elder Brothers on Mars…She was told that Martians don’t make love, but healthy, intelligent females have babies via parthenogenesis, which is frustrating to Martian men and one of the reasons they are visiting the earth…
1936, near Port Colborne, Ontario, Canada
At age fifteen, Johann Purchalski observed “a saucer type object” pass over Port Colborne and land in a nearby field…He was given a metal badge which “states that the ship was owned by a member of the Planet Mars Police Force in the main city, Marsopolis”.
1952, near Mormon Mesa, Nevada
Falling asleep in his truck in the Nevada desert, Truman Bethurum awoke surrounded by “eight to ten small men”. All were neatly dressed in uniforms similar to those “worn by Greyhound bus drivers.”
1957, Everittstown, New Jersey
John Trasco walked outside to feed his dog and saw a brilliant egg-shaped object hovering in front of his barn. Confronted by a three-foot-tall being with large froglike eyes, Tresco thought the “little man” said, in broken English, “We are peaceful people, we only want your dog.” Frightened, he replied “Get the hell out of here.”
1965, Venezuela
A UFO landed and two occupants seven to eight feet tall with long hair and big eyes…communicated telepathically. When asked if any aliens live amongst us, they replied “Yes, two million, four hundred and seventeen thousand, eight hundred and five.”
1975, Fargo, North Dakota
After being returned home by aliens who took her on a trip to another planet, Sandra Larson was asked by one of her abductors what soap was. At this, she gave him a cup of laundry detergent.
1977, near Pelham, Georgia
Five aliens take a Mr Dawson aboard their spaceship and give him a medical examination. Near the end of the exam, Dawson says a voice from inside the craft shouted, “I am Jimmy Hoffa! I am Jimmy Hoffa! I am-“
1978, near Belden, Nebraska
A prominent businessman watched a bright object, which closely resembled an army tank, land on the road ahead. A door in the craft opened and a man, wearing white duck pants and a white shirt, stepped out. He then spoke, addressing the witness by his first name: “Well, Bob – what do you think of this?” The man then re-entered the object, which left the same way as it came. A high-pitched whine was heard as the object left.
1979, near La Palma, Mexico
Manuel Fidel Cruz Lopez was approached by eight armed aliens who emerged from a hovering saucer-shaped object. They ordered him to cut off his penis, which he did with his machete. He got medical aid the next day after wandering that night in shock.
Lopez, who has a wife and three kids, said: “I am not ashamed of being castrated. That was fate and it could happen to anyone.”
And finally, my personal favourite:
1979, Rowley Regis, West Midlands
Jean Hingley was at her Bluestone Walk home when a flying saucer landed on the lawn. “I opened the back door and there was a blinding light. Then these three men bombed past me and went into the lounge. The little green men had wings and horrible waxy faces, like corpses.” She offered them coffee, but they asked for a glass of water. Upon leaving, they took her mince pies and said they would return some other time.
