The anatomy of addiction

[EvilYeti]

One of my fan's PM'ed me to start a thread about the psychology of addiction.

Addiction is one of the oldest and most vexing problems facing modern medicine. Everyone knows what it is and most have experienced it first hand, yet its remains for the most part an untreatable condition. Modern methodologies do little better than no treatment at all.

I'm not going to quote the literature on the subject, instead I am going to speak of my own journey to overcome addiction and what I discovered in the process. If possible I would like to keep this discussion limited to the mental aspects of addiction, as for now we can do little for the physiological ones.

Ultimately, I feel addiction is a matter of desires. People simply crave things that make them feel good or at least help them avoid feeling bad. And addictive things certainly feel good, at least at first.

The problems that inevitably surface with addiction are also due to desire, albeit a different sort. The desire to quit. Depression is often the result of these conflicting desires. A common theme on my other threads was that no one wants to be obese. Which is mostly true, but not entirely. The real issue is the desire to feed ones cravings is stronger than the desire to lose weight.

Now my story. I used to suffer from addiction to sugar, alcohol, tobacco and marijuanna. I was also addicted to abusive relationships (towards me) with women. In addition I was often severly depressed.

The beginning of my healing process was a simple one. I was sick of it all. I hated feeling sad, all the time, and not enjoying life the way I felt I should. The next critical step was admitting to myself, honestly and as objectively as possible, what was and was not my fault. Third and most important, I made the following promise to myself:

"Whatever path my life may take from this moment, the number one priority will be my own happiness. No person or thing will ever stand in the way of that."

What was important about this promise is that I really, really believed it. What I discovered is that what separates the champions from the rabble is conviction. Look at anyone who is successful for an example of the power of conviction, determination and sheer will.

In short order I got my life back on track. My addictions were conquered, one by one. When the last of them were finished the depression died with it. The last 4 years have been the best of my life and are only getting better. My only regret is not figuring this out sooner.

I'm heading to bed for now, tomorrow I will discuss some of the pitfalls to avoid while overcoming addiction and some tips for managing depression.

 

[Jesse]

Evil Yeti, this is a very well written post. Congradulations on your recovery.

 

[Dymanic]

"Whatever path my life may take from this moment, the number one priority will be my own happiness. No person or thing will ever stand in the way of that."

I'm glad to hear that this philosophy has worked for you.

However, I feel...compelled to challenge the validity of this approach.

In the first place, what is it about this approach that is so much different from what you sought from substances? You didn't use those things because you knew they would make you miserable, did you?

In the second place, what is it about making your own happiness your first priority that is so much different from what so many do whose actions we find reprehensible?

Most importantly, I question the pursuit of happiness as a goal in and of itself. It seems to me like the harder I chase after happiness, the faster it runs away. Even if I do catch it once in a while, it feels a little...contrived.

It seems like when I place higher priority on being considerate of others, keeping the promises I make, and just generally keeping my own side of the street clean, then what happens is that happiness comes along (in its own sweet time) and ambushes me. That's the best kind.

As far as conviction, determination and sheer will, you will never see these things demonstrated with more vigor than in an addict in pursuit of his drug of choice.

I don't mean to trivialize what you have achieved so far; I know all too well how difficult it can be. But I suggest you keep the following things in mind: That each day that passes without a relapse places you in a statistically smaller group of people; in order to stay clean, you must continue to beat ever-increasing odds; and that addiction feeds on self-centeredness.

 

[Dancing David]

Geat post EvilYeti, I am impressed.(My own recovery did not involve a bottom moment but was difficult)

While working in menatl health I came to the conclusion that most addicts were self medicating, either to teat mental illness, or to avoid the consequences of past choices.

My main thing is that most shame based systems don't work, there was a no shame relapse prevention model a coworker of mine developed that we found very effective.

Peace

 

[EvilYeti]

Most importantly, I question the pursuit of happiness as a goal in and of itself. It seems to me like the harder I chase after happiness, the faster it runs away. Even if I do catch it once in a while, it feels a little...contrived.

It seems like when I place higher priority on being considerate of others, keeping the promises I make, and just generally keeping my own side of the street clean, then what happens is that happiness comes along (in its own sweet time) and ambushes me. That's the best kind.

Its funny, until now I have never verbalized the promise I made to myself four years ago. It was surprising difficult and the results were not entirely correct.

In retrospect I don't think happiness was really my primary goal. What I wanted was to live life on my own terms and not be dictated by other people or things. Happiness was a fortunate side effect of taking control of my life.

I was going to post more on the subject, but since the response has been fairly light (and I'm tired) I'm going to leave the thread as is.

I thank everyone for their responses and words of encouragement.

 

[Dymanic]

Originally posted by EvilYeti

In retrospect I don't think happiness was really my primary goal. What I wanted was to live life on my own terms and not be dictated by other people or things. Happiness was a fortunate side effect of taking control of my life.

Now you're talkin.

 

[jj]

Now you're talkin.

So far, so good. Now, when will you develop some empathy and stop abusing others when they disagree with you?

As far as the psychology and chemistry of addiction, I think (no, this is not to say you did wrong, of course!) it's obvious from some basic biochemestry that some people have much higher succeptability to particular kinds of chemical (at least, the evidence is still grinding away for emotional) addictions.

This is what makes (at least in my mind) drugs dangerous. You have no idea which one, if any, will get you, and which, if any, will just bounce.

 

[Dymanic]

Originally posted by jj

So far, so good. Now, when will you develop some empathy and stop abusing others when they disagree with you?

You have a point. Reviewing my response, I realize that I did come off harsher than I intended to (though hopefully not quite up to the standard for 'abuse' as that term applies here--unless you consider disagreement, in and of itself, to be abuse).

The mention of 'the pursuit of happiness' as a goal always gets me spinning. We are conditioned to think this way. (Erma Bombeck once said, "Life will probably never be as good as it looks in a soft drink commercial".) I feel that this can be especially dangerous for a recovering addict.

My opinion is that addiction is largely a disease (if you like that word) of self-centeredness, and most addicts have made long careers out of seeking their own happiness, however misguided their methods.

However, it sounds like some of the problems EvilYeti is describing are in a slightly different category, often referred to as co-dependancy. For a person whose biggest problems are of this nature, allowing oneself to be happy--without having to ask anyone else's permission--is major progress.

You're right, though--I pretty much jumped right down the poor guy's throat, and I owe an apology.

Sorry, EvilYeti. You're doing good. I hope you aren't subject to having the wind taken out of your sails by something some clod on a message board says.

 

[EvilYeti]

So far, so good. Now, when will you develop some empathy and stop abusing others when they disagree with you?

As far as the psychology and chemistry of addiction, I think (no, this is not to say you did wrong, of course!) it's obvious from some basic biochemestry that some people have much higher succeptability to particular kinds of chemical (at least, the evidence is still grinding away for emotional) addictions.

This is what makes (at least in my mind) drugs dangerous. You have no idea which one, if any, will get you, and which, if any, will just bounce.

Glad you brought this up as I was going to discuss these issues in a future post about the downsides of my "recovery".

One, I've become somewhat apathetic. Very little bothers me anymore. I have no interest in the opinions others (except loved ones) have of me. This has been detrimental at times in business environments. It also makes it difficult to enter into a relationship, as I won't make concessions until there is some real emotional involvement.

Two, I lack the capacity to epathize with those who have not, for whatever reason, beaten an addiction. As I stated in my original post, addiction to me is a matter of choice and desires. If the desire to end the addiction is greater than the desire to feed it, no more addiction. People are obese because they would rather satisfy their cravings than be thin. I just can't empathize with people that make such choices in life. All my empathy is spent on those that don't have the luxury of choice.

Regarding abusive behavior, pleast read the thread that started this whole mess. A forum member, RandFand (who is morbidly obese), was abusive to me when I, politely, disagreed with him. Others joined in. Thats when I went on the offensive, not before. They have plenty of empathy for themselves, go look around at all the support they recieved. Where's mine? (Not that I expect or want any) Why have you not chastised RandFand? Why the double standard?

Regarding biochemistry, no one can change their genetic makeup. You do, however, have the power to make choices. Biochemistry is going to drive your cravings, but its you who decides whether to act on them or not.

Also, if biochemistry is the root of all addictions, why am I not addicted to sugar or nicotine anymore? As I stated in another thread, I get sick if I eat more than a little bit. Tobacco smoke makes me leave the room. Did my brain chemistry spontaneously change when I decided to kick the habit? I doubt I'm that lucky. The fact of the matter is that while the physical mind affects the concious mind, the inverse is also true.

The reason I am so vehemently opposed to the argument that addictions are genetic in nature is that is provides an easy rationalization for deviant behavior, which all addiction is a form of. As I mentioned in my previous post, a critical first step in overcoming an addiction is acknowledging that it is primarily of your own doing. Convincing oneself that your problems are due to immutable biological processes is a surefire way to stay an addict for life.

Want an example? Look at RandFan. He's morbidly obese and always will be, for no reason other than he thinks that he has no control over the matter. Sooner or later this attitude is going to kill him. Confusing psychology for biology can be a deadly business.

 

[Soubrette]

EvilYeti

Thanks for the post

I think first though, we need to define what you mean by addiction. It is a word bandied about a lot and means many different things to many different people.

Is it the inability to give things up? Many people define it thus - giving a nice easy analogy for an addict to compare it to air

Is it a craving for something? I think sometimes we all crave things but we aren't addicted to them. Sometimes I'd love a marmite sandwich (mmm might have one for lunch now I think ) but I wouldn't say I was addicted to marmite.

Is it a preference for something - I'd rather drink coffee than tea? I'd say that at the fuzzy end of use and abuse, it's hard to tell a preference from an addiction but I think the distinction is there.

For me and addiction is losing control over an aspect of your life. It becomes overly important, whether it be food, gambling or whatever. I feel it is often used to mask other problems too.

However I'm happy to go with your definition EvilYeti, whatever that may be

Also, if you are able - do you think you could share with us the whole process of your addiction - how you started using then abusing these substances and when it dawned on you that you were addicted?

And finally - do you think because you managed to pull yourself up by your bootstraps that has made you less sympathetic to those who seem unable to?

Thanks

Sou

 

[EvilYeti]

Sorry, EvilYeti. You're doing good. I hope you aren't subject to having the wind taken out of your sails by something some clod on a message board says.

Uh, I really pretty sure jj was talking about me, though to be honest I don't know for sure. He really should address people by name. I've been abusive when other people have disagreed with me in the past, usually only when provoked though.

So no apology necessary, in fact I would prefer if you retracted it!

 

[Dancing David]

Addistion: against speech, addicts would like to give up thier behaviors but can't (or can't without a struggle).

The last time I had substance abuse training is was another biopschosovial thing.
A. There are varying level of endorphins and other neurotansmitters in our bodies.
B. There is strong evidence that some people have a biological predisposition to addiction.
C. There is strong evidence that you learn some behaviors in addiction from your family.
D. Some people have a strong belief that many addicts are self medicating a mental illness.
E. Its seems to some that many addicts are psychologicaly running from something.

Addiction is a serious condition where the substance use becomes the primary relationship in the addicts life. Addicts frequently use to cope with the tresses of everyday life.

EvilYeti: There is this great phrase in the substance abuse field , 'mood altering behaviors'.

Peace

 

[Dymanic]

Uh, I really pretty sure jj was talking about me...

You ever hear the joke where this huge tough guy walks into a bar and yells, "I want every one of you sonsabitches outta here right now!", and they all hit the door--except for this one guy, who just keeps sitting there. When the toughguy looks at him, he says, "Sure was a lot of them, wasn't there?"

I guess us non-empathetic types know who we are. (And, us addict types always think it's about us).

Seriously, though, this is something that has been an issue for me. I'm working on it. It's different here than IRL. People often identify strongly with their opinions, and if you attack the opinion, it may feel to them like you are attacking them personally. Delivering an opposing view in a gentle way is a skill I admire, but have not yet honed to the fine edge some here have.

Personally, I like having my ideas challenged; it's one of the reasons I expose them here. It isn't always an entirely pleasant experience. But many times, as a result of something pointed out by someone in a place like this, I have found a place where I needed to consider another angle or do a little more research. I may sometimes be just a little bit too eager to return the favor.

I have found that getting lost in analysis of the biochemistry involved in addiction is not only irrelevant, but often detrimental to the process of recovery.

Addiction isn't hard to define (just hard to define in a way that everyone agrees on). I'd say it's when you have your whole life wrapped around some drug (alcohol is a drug, btw) and you can't get it unwrapped no matter how you try.

 

[Soubrette]

Dymanic

What about gambling or even food - neither of them are drugs yet people have destructive behaviours regarding them.

I struggle with my attitude to food myself

Addictive personalities, chemical dependance etc - I agree all give an easy way out for the addict (or substance abuser) I can't tell you how many years I spent telling myself that I just like the taste of food - for me, it's far more complicated than that - and realising it isn't a cure in itself, unfortunately

And realising it is hard enough I feel the mind plays curious tricks on someone who is dependent on certain behaviours, habits or drugs. I know for sure mine does. What I'd like to know is why? Why does it take years to even admit to myself that I abuse food and why doesn't seeing that make it easy to change?

Sou

 

[Dymanic]

What about gambling or even food - neither of them are drugs yet people have destructive behaviours regarding them.

I agree. But I'm not sure that the term 'addictions' has quite the same meaning when used to refer to these. 'Obsessive-compulsive disorder' fits better. Substance abuse certainly includes that element, but there, you also have the direct effects on brain chemistry produced by the drug. There is an OCD component of chemical addiction--the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more; fiddling around with the dope and the equipment connected with using it--this is, in a strange way, part of the buzz.

The twisted thinking that affects all the areas of the addict's life is certainly the characteristic element.

 

[Skeptical Greg]

What I'd like to know is why? Why does it take years to even admit to myself that I abuse food and why doesn't seeing that make it easy to change?

Sou

At the expense of sounding simplistic, and not having a real answer, you have to have a 'reason' to change.. You might replace 'reason with ' excuse '..

When I quit smoking about 20 years ago; I had fallen asleep on the couch with my head very close to an ash tray.. It was the first thing I saw and smelled the next morning, and I found myself unusually disgusted. Bringing up that image for the next few weeks, was all I needed to get past the bad cravings and was able to give it up.

I have been struggling with a weight problem for most of my adult life, and while I feel I have learned some things, and know better, I still fall into bad eating habits.

The Atkins plan has got my attention, but I know the pitfalls of trying to follow a strict set of rules and not changing behaviour patterns that result in bad choices. The other part, that I alluded to above, is finding a good reason for doing things different, and that is what I am exploring now in an effort to get control of my weight.

 

[Soubrette]

Dymanic

If you don't mind me asking and please feel free not to answer - would you mind sharing what you were addicted to?

And certainly things like gambling do affect your brain chemistry - you get a rush of adrenaline when you win

Diogenes - good luck - I'm still on my journey

Addiction fascinates me partly because finding out about it gives me an insight into my own tricky mind

Here's an (in my opinion) unscientific study on the atkins diet compared to some other popular ones in the UK

diet trials - a comparison of 4 diets

Sou

 

[Hellcat]

Soubrette, do you comfort eat or just enjoy food, do you ever feel hungry/full.

Feel free to not answer, it just sparked my curiosity.

 

[Skeptical Greg]

Here's an (in my opinion) unscientific study on the atkins diet compared to some other popular ones in the UK

diet trials - a comparison of 4 diets

Sou

Is this on going? I do not see any information about the results so far...

 

[Soubrette]

Soubrette, do you comfort eat or just enjoy food, do you ever feel hungry/full.

Feel free to not answer, it just sparked my curiosity.

Food is a very complex issue for me, linked to many other factors - it's not something I feel totally comfortable with discussing except with my very closest friends. Sorry

I don't mind discussing addiction and my use of food in a more general way though - it's effects on me etc. The objective realisations of overweight being not very healthy as opposed to the subjective desire to continue to overeat.

Sou