Part The One - Getting TO TAM
You know what's nice about QANTAS Business Class? You get to sleep in the plane lying down in your own little beddikins. EXCELLENT! Mrs Zep had to be upgraded because of poor circulation in her legs, and I had to be there to "support" her. All it took was a few months of begging favours from other QANTAS line employees, the calling in of numerous favours in management, and the good graces of the aircraft captain. Nothing much at all, really.
So we get to Los Angeles reasonably sane and rested...and then United Airlines throws a bucketload of spanners and other assorted tools into the works. Having arrived at 0700, we were supposed to have a few hours in-transit before we caught a 1230 flight to Vegas, and Hutch's tender mercies. So we have a morning coffee, and then sit in the gate lounge. And wait. And wait. 1200 and no plane on the ramp. No sign of check-in staff either. Other people are waiting too. 1230, no plane, no staff, and no announcements about anything. Bored customers, and we are all getting rather frustrated.
1300, no change, so I ask what's happened at the Information counter.
Seems the one aircraft on this route to Las Vegas has suffered a technical fault in San Francisco, and has been delayed. How long?
Oh, about 2 hours. WHAT??! Any chance of an announcement to the rest of the passengers over in the Gate 41A gate lounge, perchance??
You mean there hasn't been anything?? No, there hasn't.
OK, I'll check that.
1430, and the boarding gate sign is changed to "Flight Delayed". No more details, no announcement over the loudspeakers either. Mr Jiminy's Free Shoe Shine stall opens up in the gate lounge, presumably as "compensation" for the delay. A few people take up his offer of entertainment on their footwear (he's actually quite professional), but others look like they want Mr Jiminy to shine someone's head in UA's scheduling section... Other people are now trying to sleep in the gate lounge chairs - not easy or pretty. We are thinking that a marquee may be in order. A few Aussies from UCLA (on the way to Vegas to supplement their student income over the weekend, presumably) start playing cricket in the lounge with a tennis ball. Childish but momentarily diverging fun.
1500, and at last! the plane turns up at the gate with a big "TED" on the tail. Some obviously rattled people trail out, and one or two disinterested cabin cleaning staff saunter down the airbridge, to rearrange the trash on board. All the sleepy UA folks rouse themselves, and organise boarding. We are now on board the aircraft...
1515, and the captain makes an announcement:
"There will be a delay of a few minutes while we get our flightplan registered and have the details sent down to us in the flight deck. We will be under way soon."
1530, no change, and we are still strapped in the seats. No drinks, and the aircon is poor while the engines are not started. Lots of thumping noises come from under the aircraft...are they trying to fix "the problem" with sledgehammers?? Captain again:
"Well, we have our flightplan, but there has been a bit of a problem during baggage loading. Looks like someone has bumped the aircraft door and damaged it slightly. So we have to wait while it is inspected and documented, all the usual stuff - someone seems to have misplaced the camera... But we will be airborne very soon!"
1600 - we have been sitting in the motionless aircraft for 45 minutes, going stark raving mad. We suspect Hutch has given us Zeps up for lost. It's nearly time for the armed revolution in there... A giant clunk underneath, and lo and behold, the engines start! We're away! Our captain is trying to make up time here - we seem to be on full throttle even while we taxi, and as we take off, and all the way to Vegas in what appears to be record time (40 mins versus the normal 55). Did we go supersonic? I expect so at some point...
1700 and we are at McCarran at last! So where's our checked-in bag? At baggage collection obviously...all we have to do is trek a few kilometres across one terminal without signage, catch some fancy tram thingy to another equally signless terminal, find baggage collection, and recover our bag. Luckily a very helpful airport employee, a former bodybuilder no less!, assists us with a wheelchair for Mrs Zep. We get there at last, and the bag is not there on the carousel, and we are all alone watching it spin around. ◊◊◊◊!
◊◊◊◊! But what's that? There's a pile of baggage stacked
outside the UA baggage office where anyone at all can take them, and among them is ours - we just take it and run. I think: UA, you can kiss my arse.
A quick search round the airport proves what I thought - Hutch has had to leave us to our own devices. So we get the shuttle bus to Stardust - at least that goes as planned - and make it approximately alive to our room. Which is about forty kilometres from the elevator and requires a packed lunch to get there each way. Mrs Zep nearly expires from exhaustion just getting there, so I go down to the foyer - have they got a room closer to the elevator please, and preferably with plumbing that still works, unlike our current room? Yes, they do. More lifting and dragging our baggage and selves...and we arrive in Vegas at last.
Mrs Zep decides to collapse on the bed for a few hours, while I go downstairs to register at TAM.
"Hi, I'm Dave and I do hope you have a registration for me!" And the lovely people on the TAM desk do indeed have it all sorted! Bliss! It can only get better from here...
One more mishap and I would have had to kill someone...
