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Steverino's Solution to Middle East Peace

steverino

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steverino
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Jul 20, 2006
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Ok. Here's what we do. We make Rana Raslan, an Arab and former Miss Israel, the "Queen of the Two States." We find a "King," a Jewish guy, to mate with her. (Could be me, or anybody else. Not the point.) Anyway, so then they mate and in 18 years their child rules both Israel, and Palestine. Then Mom and Dad are like the advisors. Well?

http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/1999/421/re2.htm
 

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A great idea! Let's add on to it though.

I propose we airdrop into the Middle East all the back issues of Penthouse and Hustler that America can spare. We need to ease all that repression somehow. We could make the Berlin Airlift look like the amateur hour.
 
For the sake of peace, and for the future of the Jewish people, I would like to selflessly volunteer to be the one to mate with Ms. Raslan. I know, I know, this is a bold, courageous act, and to cope with the stress of it I would suggest that she and I practice as often as possible.
 
Shame on you, BPSCG. You know very well that there will be no peace without a Palestinian state being completely and utterly Jew-free. Stop being such an extremist.

P.S.

Finding a Jewish guy to marry her wouldn't be that hard, if you ask me...
 
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fuelair said:
So, he would have to be Jewish?
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If I understand Steverino's OP correctly, I think so. She's an Arab Israeli, so he'd have to be a Jewish Palestinian. Or at least a non-Arab Palestinian.

Frankly, I think the idea is a nonstarter, since they'd probably both be assassinated inside of a week.
 
If I understand fuelair's question correctly, he is currently thinking about converting...
 
Clarence was with me as concerned the revolution, but in a modified way. His idea was a republic, without privileged orders, but with a hereditary royal family at the head of it instead of an elective chief magistrate. He believed that no nation that had ever known the joy of worshiping a royal family could ever be robbed of it and not fade away and die of melancholy. I urged that kings were dangerous. He said, then have cats. He was sure that a royal family of cats would answer every purpose. They would be as useful as any other royal family, they would know as much, they would have the same virtues and the same treacheries, the same disposition to get up shindies with other royal cats they would be laughably vain and absurd and never know it, they would be wholly inexpensive; finally, they would have as sound a divine right as any other royal house, and "Tom VII, or Tom XI, or Tom XIV by the grace of God King," would sound as well as it would when applied to the ordinary royal tomcat with tights on.

"And as a rule," said he, in his neat modern English, "the character of these cats would be considerably above the character of the average king, and this would be an immense moral advantage to the nation, for the reason that a nation always models its morals after its monarch's. The worship of royalty being founded in unreason, these graceful and harmless cats would easily become as sacred as any other royalties, and indeed more so, because it would presently be noticed that they hanged nobody, beheaded nobody, imprisoned nobody, inflicted no cruelties or injustices of any sort, and so must be worthy of a deeper love and reverence than the customary human king, and would certainly get it. The eyes of the whole harried world would soon be fixed upon this humane and gentle system, and royal butchers would presently begin to disappear; their subjects would fill the vacancies with catlings from our own royal house; we should become a factory; we should supply the thrones of the world; within forty years all Europe would be governed by cats and we should furnish the cats The reign of universal peace would begin then, to end no more forever."
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Mark Twain - A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
 
Skeptic said:
If I understand fuelair's question correctly, he is currently thinking about converting...
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Who didn't, but how many considered the fact that the mating might be curtailed at least until "the operation" has healed up. ;)

P.S. For the record, she looks Mexican.
 
steverino said:
Ok. Here's what we do. We make Rana Raslan, an Arab and former Miss Israel, the "Queen of the Two States." We find a "King," a Jewish guy, to mate with her. (Could be me, or anybody else. Not the point.) Anyway, so then they mate and in 18 years their child rules both Israel, and Palestine. Then Mom and Dad are like the advisors. Well?

http://weekly.ahram.org.eg/1999/421/re2.htm
Click to expand...
I suggest that you have only part of the answer. For Jew/Arab reconcilliation to really take fruit among the royalty, I'd suggest you find a neutral sire, revert to old school norms, and focus on sectarian brides. Yes, multiple brides. I suggest an Arab Christian Palestinian King, wed to the above Ranal Raslan, a beautiful Jewish lady, a beautiful Druse lady, and if the Bedouins want in, a lovely daughter of the desert.

The dowry to come with each bride is the treaty of non violence and adherence to rule of law. This crossover use of polygamy, an old school pattern of ancient peoples of the land, reminds the people that "Hey, we are all Semites here!" :p The Knesset is to function as the Electors did for the HRE when a succession for the King/Queen comes open.

The Royal Children are to be fostered out to the Royal families of Europe, Asia, and Africa in rotation. The Parliament of Israel chooses, based on merit rather than order of birth, the heir. The rest serve as regents, counsellors, and ambassadors. Every five years, the Knesset is allowed to replace one with another if malfeasance or incompetence can be shown.

That should keep the tabloids, assassins, and lobbyists busy enough to allow the violence in the streets to subside, and to keep Paris Hilton off of the front page.

DR
 
Darth Rotor said:
No, she would not. With paparazzi in Israel to cover the melting pot of intrigue and drama over royal succession, they'd not cover her sorry butt.
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Shame. I thought we finally had a way to get her out of the country.

Now then, back to the point at hand. As we are resurrecting old methods, I think we need to discuss the idea of "testers" for the potentate.

As I am not much of a gourmet, I will allow food-taster to go to someone else.

As I am quite the gourmet in other, more pertinent, matters, I shall lend my assistance as the tester of wives and concubines.

And to show my dedication, I will lend such assistance regardless if Paris Hilton is part of the entourage or not.
 
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