South Park is such sweet irony

[DangerousBeliefs]

I just can't seem to get bored with it.

Stan: Hey Chef.

Chef: How's it goin'?

Stan: Bad.

Chef: Yeah. Things have been better.

Stan: Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny's my fr-f-f-friend. Why can't God take someone else's f-f-friend?

Chef: [sighs] Stan, sometimes God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it, so he doesn't care who he takes.Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand.

Stan: But then, why does God give us anything to start with?

Chef: Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then it would have nothin' to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and help just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power. [pause]

Stan: I thnk I understand.

 

[Stimpson J. Cat]

I love that bit.

Seeing it written out doesn't do it justice, though. The soothing, reassuring voice Chef uses, as though he were explaining to Stan why it is all OK, and everything is as it should be, is what makes it so perfect.


Dr. Stupid

 

[Jas]

South Park is one of the smartest shows on television. The way that they've approached subjects like John Edwards, healthfood stores, Mormonism, etc. They bring a lot of skepticism to the mainstream.

And it's always funny.

 

[c4ts]

I liked the one with Thomas Payne flying around with Deism powers. The David Blaine cult episode.

 

[Bruce]

Chef: Oh, welll, hello there, children.
Stan: Chef, we did something kind of bad.
Kyle: We don't know who else to talk to.
Chef: Ohh, I'm sure your little cracker problems ain't all that bad. Come on in. [the boys enter and Chef leads them to the sofa] Now, just sit down and take a deep breath and tell ol' Chef what's goin' on.
Stan: [pause] We need you to promise not to tell anybody.
Chef: Nowww, children, every problem can be worked out. What was it?
Stan: We... killed our teacher and they found our seamen in her stomach
Chef: ...Oh, children, that's a problem we all have to face at one time or another. Here: let me sing you a little song that might cheer you up. Sometimes you kill your teacher and they find your semen in her stomach, and uh Wait! What the what?!
Stan: [beat] So what should we do? [Chef thinks, then goes and pushes the sofa towards the door and onto the entry path]
Kyle: Wow, I guess this really is a big deal.

Later.....

Chef: Alright, children, I got you four tickets to Thailand [in his right hand, with a sports bag] and three hundred dollars cash [inside the suitcase in his left hand]. It's gonna be tough living for a while. You might have to do things for money you never thought of doin' before.
Cartman: [stopping Chef] It's alright, Chef! We got our sea people out of the teacher's stomach.and we put them back in their aquarium!
Chef: [confused] ...Wait, what? Sea people?
Stan: The sea people that we put in the teacher's coffee.
Chef: Uhh, maybe you'd better start from the beginning.

 

[Bruce]

Oops. Perhaps I should stay relevant to the forum section...

Bush: Saddam Hussein? But... we killed him! We secretly took him out months ago!

General:Yes sir. And now we believe he's building weapons of mass destruction... in heaven.

Bush: Dear Christ, that sonofabitch just doesn't stop!

General:[flips a page on an easel, showing another page with three identical photos] These surveillance photos were taken atop the ladder of what appears to be heaven. [points out an encircled object in the center photo] Here we see what we believe to be a missile silo. And here [points out an encircled object in the lower photo] we see what looks like a laboratory of some sort for making chemical weapons.

Karl Rove: That... kinda looks like a seagull.

General: Yes. It could be a laboratory disguised as a seagull.

Bush: That tricky bastard!

General:Sir, you must understand our fears. We must take out those facilities. We must... [close-up] bomb heaven!

[SNN newsroom, new poll]
SNN Reporter: SNN Question of the Day: Now that Americans believe in heaven, should we bomb it? The polls right now show that 51% of Americans think Saddam has to be dealt with, while 49% are wimpy tree-hugging pussies.

.....Later

Bush: Our intelligence tells us that when Saddam was originally killed, his soul actually went to hell. But while in hell he began a homosexual relationship with Satan, the Prince of Darkness. Satan, however, decided he didn't want to be with Hussein anymore and broke up with him about August. [the French Ambassador has tuned out] When Saddam became jealous and tried to kill Satan's new lover, Chris, Satan had Saddam sent to heaven to live with Mormons as a punishment.