Reiki friend

[bumlet5]

One of my best friends is a firm believer in woo, and I have been ok with it so far. She doesn't spend a ton of money on woo-related products, and if something goes seriously wrong she does what needs to be done.

My current issue is that she is considered a Reiki Master (from way before knew her), and wants to open a 'practice'. I am usually supportive of my friends beliefs so long as they don't effect themselves or others detrimentally and they know where I stand on those topics, but I am torn here. I don't like the idea of her taking money and trying to 'heal' people who could potentially be very sick, but I want to be supportive of her life choices as a friend. This is a fine line I'm treading and am wondering if anyone else has had problems like this. I would appreciate any thoughts.

Thanks.

 

[Maia]

I'm a licensed massage therapist, and there's unfortunately a lot of this silliness mixed in with useful, evidence-based, therapeutic massage. (Has your friend told you yet about how Reiki Masters can go back in time and heal sicknesses from past lives? Well, she probably will, given any encouragement...) There's also light therapy, craniosacral massage, polarity therapy, therapeutic touch (the body isn't actually touched, just the "energy fields", you see,), and on and on and on and on. But there are also a number of modalities that are very helpful, like sports massage, neuromuscular therapy, myotherapy, postural integration, and the Alexander method, and lots that are just plain relaxing, like Swedish massage.


I've had Reiki done by friends who were in training (and I've been very nice about it and NOT made snide comments) and it's amazing how relaxing it is. Something tells me that this isn't because

A Reiki Energy practitioner channels energy from the infinite reservoir around himself and and directs it into the recipient's energy field.

It's just really nice to lie down on a comfortable massage table and relax, and listen to soothing music, and smell burning incense with one person paying lots of attention to you and speaking in a pleasant soft voice... the stresses of the day just seem to melt away... so if Reiki was being promoted for entertainment/relaxation purposes, then that would be fine. Of course, the problem is that it often isn't. The ideal would be if these modalities were more strictly regulated, but as it is, about all that people can't do is to make strict medical claims for them. Anyone who is actually an LMT does have to take at least one to two thousand hours of classes, pass an exam, and be licensed through the state. That's what I had to do. I also have to take continuing ed, and I had to take more classes to get certification in neuromuscular therapy at a very basic level. If I wanted anything higher, I would have to take a LOT more classes, because that's a much more serious modality and is definitely evidence-based. (It particularly can make a huge difference with back pain.) I'm not sure, though, if someone can set themselves up as a Reiki practitioner without going through all of this. My guess is that yes, they probably can do it.

 

[Nursedan]

Well I'm not in a position to tell you what to do, but I will say that you can't have it both ways. You can't desire to support her and also desire for her to not bilk people out if money. That would be a contradiction.

 

[Resume]

Doesn't Dr. Oz's wife claim to be a "reiki master?"

Explains a lot, don't you think?

 

[Baby Nemesis]

If she herself goes to the doctor when she's ill rather than getting someone to do reiki on her, how likely is it really that she'll be irresponsible towards others?

Perhaps you could have a conversation with her where you seek reassurance from her that though she might be providing therapy in that people will become relaxed in the sessions so they'll leave feeling uplifted, she would in fact advise them to go to a doctor if they were ill. You can perhaps be supportive of her wish to pamper and de-stress people, while seeking reassurance that if they tell her there's something medically wrong with them, she will advise them to go to a doctor.
I know someone who trained in Reiki, but I can't imagine them doing anything irresponsible like thinking it could ever be a substitute for medical treatment or psychological therapy. Maybe others are different though.

 

[MarkCorrigan]

I find it odd that you would even consider supporting her in this. She's conning people out of money and possibly having them come to her instead of a real doctor.

 

[Baby Nemesis]

How much is she planning to charge, Bumlet5? Is it more than the price of a relaxation session is worth?

It seems there are plus points to Reiki, in that some people might feel it's valuable as a de-stressing/relaxation tool. You could maybe emphasise Its value as one of those in your conversation with her. However, if she's planning to take it further and make people think it's more powerful than it is, concerns about those particular aspects can be expressed, and she should understand them if she herself goes to the doctor when she's ill. I might be totally wrong, but I don't see why this disagreement should lead to a conflict. Why would she promote something she wouldn't do herself, i.e. Reiki as a means of healing something she'd seek medical treatment for if it happened to her?

 

[gerg]

One of my best friends is a firm believer in woo, and I have been ok with it so far. She doesn't spend a ton of money on woo-related products, and if something goes seriously wrong she does what needs to be done.

My current issue is that she is considered a Reiki Master (from way before knew her), and wants to open a 'practice'. I am usually supportive of my friends beliefs so long as they don't effect themselves or others detrimentally and they know where I stand on those topics, but I am torn here. I don't like the idea of her taking money and trying to 'heal' people who could potentially be very sick, but I want to be supportive of her life choices as a friend. This is a fine line I'm treading and am wondering if anyone else has had problems like this. I would appreciate any thoughts.

Thanks.

So you'll be changing from a supportive friend to an interfering skeptical friend. I can see how that works...not

 

[Resume]

So you'll be changing from a supportive friend to an interfering skeptical friend. I can see how that works...not

Yes yes, what friend wouldn't support a friend in fraud?

 

[bumlet5]

So you'll be changing from a supportive friend to an interfering skeptical friend. I can see how that works...not

So you see my dilemma.

 

[gerg]

So you see my dilemma.

No but I can see how you've made it a dilemma. It's all your own making. What you are doing is imagining things that are not there like "taking money" and "very sick" and forcing this onto your "friend". No different than say a catholic priest scolding a sinner for perceived "wrongdoings". Remember Skepticism is merely the attitude of doubt. If you feel that nobody can be trusted, then keep your allegiance to skepticism, and enjoy its attitude of self-reinforced doubt.

 

[Apathia]

I know someone who trained in Reiki, but I can't imagine them doing anything irresponsible like thinking it could ever be a substitute for medical treatment or psychological therapy. Maybe others are different though.

I'd like to add to what Baby Nemesis says here.
I know Reiki people and masters who as a a matter of what they consider good Reiki practice and ethics, do not offer Reiki sessions as a substitute for medical attention or tell people that with Reiki they can throw away their meds.

But then I also know Reiki practitioners who claim Reiki is better than any doctor's attention.

And then those in between who want you to seek medical attention but mean by that some Naturopathic doctor.

Reiki carries a lot of woo baggage and people buy into wild claims of it's efficacy because a typical session of it relives a lot of stress and pain, and for some is an almost mystical experience.

Anyway, here's your opportunity to explore with your friend just how far and what she buys into it.
And I feel you should be honest with her about your misgivings around it.

Apart from the claims, it's mostly harmless, except many people find it transgresses their personal boundaries. It involves an intensity of touch contact or intimate proximity that our species has downplayed with verbal/audio language as our mode of interaction.

Or at least that's what I found practicing it as a Reiki master. I was very good and people were both impressed and spooked.

I do nothing with it now.
Good walls make good neighbors.
Intimate touch, even though not sexual, is for the context of one's family and intimates.

 

[Senex]

I'm a licensed massage therapist, and there's unfortunately a lot of this silliness mixed in with useful, evidence-based, therapeutic massage. (Has your friend told you yet about how Reiki Masters can go back in time and heal sicknesses from past lives? Well, she probably will, given any encouragement...)

It's a dilemma. Personally, I'm an out skeptic to everyone and with some people we avoid certain topics. I can't say I've lost of friend but I've pushed people to say ridiculous things in the heat of a discussion and ended it there. No one has changed their beliefs because of me. I've been accused of talking like a lawyer but I see no shame in that.

I truly am suffering lower back pain today? Any legitimate means of relief

 

[Senex]

Doesn't Dr. Oz's wife claim to be a "reiki master?"

Explains a lot, don't you think?

This clip is clear demonstration he is a woo.

He can claim the million prize if he can sit behind a sheet and tell after dozens of people walk by which one was his wife. He says he can feel her reiki energy "heat" when she walks by. Let's see the woo prove it.

It should be easy enough to prove. He sits with his back to a sheet and people who don't no anything about reiki walk bt except his wife and he states when his wife and her "heat" walk by.

Simple.

 

[Resume]

This clip is clear demonstration he is a woo.

He can claim the million prize if he can sit behind a sheet and tell after dozens of people walk by which one was his wife. He says he can feel her reiki energy "heat" when she walks by. Let's see the woo prove it.

It should be easy enough to prove. He sits with his back to a sheet and people who don't no anything about reiki walk bt except his wife and he states when his wife and her "heat" walk by.

Simple.

Yes, he can prove it and give the mildo to any medical charity of his choice.

 

[Soapy Sam]

What Maia said, basically. I have known at least one Reiki "master" capable of recognising the more common musculoskeletal problems - fallen arches, plantar fascitis, arthritis - who will send patients to physios or doctors, but it's far too easy for anyone (at least in the UK) to set up as a Reiki "therapist". Some don't even bother taking the Reiki courses. I'm unsure if that makes them less dishonest, or more.
There are certainly many who genuinely believe they are doing good- but beyond a little destressing, it's hard to see what.

 

[bumlet5]

No but I can see how you've made it a dilemma. It's all your own making. What you are doing is imagining things that are not there like "taking money" and "very sick" and forcing this onto your "friend". No different than say a catholic priest scolding a sinner for perceived "wrongdoings". Remember Skepticism is merely the attitude of doubt. If you feel that nobody can be trusted, then keep your allegiance to skepticism, and enjoy its attitude of self-reinforced doubt.

That's not exactly fair, is it?

Part of a business is "taking money" in exchange for a service, is it not? How is that imagined? If she gets a client who has arthritis and doesn't know it, but keeps coming in to her to get their knee healed in exchange for being paid, how can I (as a moral person) support that?

Like I said, I don't care if she believes she can do it in her own mind, regardless of the evidence or lack thereof. I will be a friend and be supportive of her personal beliefs, so long as she understands my stance on it. Its when she starts using that belief to exploit people out of their money that I begin to have an issue with it.

 

[Sledge]

Ignore gerg. He's just a bitter woo.

 

[Jekyll's Guest]

You either follow your morals and lose a friend, or keep your mouth shut and die a little inside every time she opens her mouth about woo.

As someone who married in to a very religious family (several of whom are big in to lots of unrelated woo also), I have to do the latter regularly.

That's family though, I don't have a friend I want to keep enough to swallow such garbage.

There's the added benefit of you not needing to end the friendship, I'm pretty sure you just voicing your criticism of her hobby will be enough to have her storm off.

 

[Baby Nemesis]

That's not exactly fair, is it?

Part of a business is "taking money" in exchange for a service, is it not? How is that imagined? If she gets a client who has arthritis and doesn't know it, but keeps coming in to her to get their knee healed in exchange for being paid, how can I (as a moral person) support that?

Like I said, I don't care if she believes she can do it in her own mind, regardless of the evidence or lack thereof. I will be a friend and be supportive of her personal beliefs, so long as she understands my stance on it. Its when she starts using that belief to exploit people out of their money that I begin to have an issue with it.

What exactly does being supportive of a person's beliefs as long as they understand your stance on it mean? Not showing them any evidence that contradicts their beliefs? Not expressing any reservations at all? Showing them evidence their beliefs are wrong but at the end of the day wishing to uphold their right to believe what they want in the face of evidence if they choose to do so? Or what?

If either of the former two things, how can you be supportive of a belief you're convinced is wrong? If she believes it's right, why should she believe it's fraud or exploitation to take money from others? Naturally you won't convince her while at the same time giving the impression you think her belief is justified. How can it be logical to support someone in a belief you know to be wrong but then object when they only do what is one of the logical outworkings of that belief? This is a self-made dilemma. It's because your stances are contradictory. Or at least that's the way it seems from what you just said, if you did mean you're hesitant to show her evidence that conflicts with her beliefs or give her any reason to doubt them. Perhaps you could clarify if that isn't correct. But if it is, no wonder you don't know how to object to her practising on others if you take a stance of supporting the belief that prompts her to do that, even though you're quietly sure it's wrong.

If she thinks she's going to be healing people of physical ailments, then you could try to sow a few seeds of doubt in her mind by showing her some evidence that Reiki isn't effective in doing that. You don't have to be combative; you could surely simply put it to her as a "What if" dilemma, this kind of thing: "What if it turns out that some people who come to you really need medical treatment? Would you advise they see a doctor as well as coming to you?" "What if Raiki doesn't do everything you think it does? I found something on the Internet the other day ...". That kind of thing.