As a personal narrative of a 23 year old, it's articulate enough. Maybe it's just my age showing, or even my own biases, but it doesn't strike a whole lot of chords with me. He admits a weak teaching of religion. He doesn't see himself or his family as "belonging". I don't see the Catholic Church as anti-science. I was taught evolution in a Catholic High School and have godchildren that are learning the same. The science fairs at these schools have equalled or bettered those at secular or public schools. Most Catholics, from the Pope to the laity, don't look to the Bible for science.
I don't hang my beliefs about having a soul on how a brain functions, especially since I've had several courses in neuroanatomy. If I had to guess a science "department" for finding the soul - I'd guess physics, but I enjoy the mystery, so I'm not going out of my way to see it proven or not. I'm going to assume that humanity will use its gifts to explore the unexplainable, and will have an imperfect journey along the way to whatever lies ahead.
The scientists-are-atheists-and-agnostics section didn't really do much for me either...it struck me as groupthink, which also has its place as a criticism of religion.
Many of my beliefs have been tested over time, which has influenced where my faith is, in humanity, and in people within the context of religion. I don't expect either to be perfect, but that's me.
I'd find the story more compelling if he had elaborated more personal life experience. I don't wish misfortune for him, and I realize he has years ahead to develop the depth of his beliefs - he just comes across as more in-his-head than experienced.
I would have the same issue with a 23 year old born-again Xian.