Parents, your li'l athiest

[joesixpack]

My son (turns 5 tomorrow) has a best friend, let's call him "Johnny". Johnny is in the care of his grandparents who are real church-people. Much of the childrens liturature around their household is bible related in one way or another. Johnny's a really sweet kid, and he and my son get along great. They can play together for 8 hrs straight without a single argument.

The other day, Johnny was over at our house for a play-date. They were upstairs in my kids room playing and I was cleaning the kitchen downstairs. Johnny walked into the kitchen very agitated and said "JoeSixPack Jr. said that God doesn't exist!" The only thing I could think of as a response was "Well, if you believe in God, nothing JoeSixPack Jr. says about it should make any difference"

Now, My wife and I are both pretty much athiests, but we've never told Joe Jr. that god doesn't exist. He has come home from playing at Johnnys house and told us "Johnny says that God is the boss of everyone. Who's God?" to which my wife responded "God is a person who a lot of people believe in, but many people don't"

Sadly, Since Joe Jr. told his friend that god doesn't exist, his grandmother seems a bit cooler with us. I'm not sure if that's why or if she's got other troubles on her mind which are totally unrelated to our kid.

Anyone else here run into friction with their kids fundamentalist friends or parents of friends?

 

[SimonD]

When I was about 5 or 6 I went to play with the kid next door. After a while his big sister asked me if I would like to watch a puppet show. I didn't know it at the time but they were SDA's (Seveth Day Adventist).

By the end of the show I was concived I was going to hell because I was not part of the 144, 000 (and I grow up in an Irish Catholic household). I ran home in tears and told my parents what had happened. My mother said that we were Catholic and that we were garanteed a place in heaven (my father wanted to "teach him to fear god" their father, now - not the kid!).

It was all very confusing - I had been told that god was always right - which made me think how come there was different religions saying different things about this same "all knowing" god who never gets it wrong - that's when the rot set in

 

[Miss Anthrope]

Since my kids are homeschooled, we run into a lot of fundies. My 9yo daughter's closest friend comes from a very, very religious family. I guess the difference in this case is we met through a group of folks who are all incredibly tolerant. That and my daughter never said anything like that.

Mostly I have taught my daughter to be very respectful, provided that she is in a friendship where the respect is mutual. No preaching in either direction. What I typically do is go into these relationships with the parent involved very openly. I show respect for their value system and make sure that my daughter is operating within the rules there (which really just adds up to no ridiculing religion and no fart jokes).

I think perhaps a short talk with the grandmother might be useful. If she is a big hearted Christian, she will decide to pray for your lost souls and set a good example of Christ-like behavior. If she isn't, well, the end of this situation is likely--and sadly--near.

I think as my kids age it will be more likely that they will gravitate more toward liberal kids. In the case of my older daughter, she likes going to the Ren Faire and the whole Harry Potter thing, which is tantamount to marrying Satan himself with a lot of these folks. But I let her pick and choose, and I myself have some very rewarding and great friendships with very religious parents. Even with the ones who know my last creative project was a gay cabaret musical!

The moral, and I guess the point is, if both sides decide not to be judgmental, friendship can exist--even despite huge polar differences in worldview.

 

[ranson]

Not so much myself, but a friend had issues when he was asked to help with the homeschooling of a youngster he was pretty close with. He was originally homeschooled for various reasons having nothing to do with religion, but the parents went ultra-fundy along the way and it became the largest part of it.

So, to help with the science end of the curriculum, they asked my friend to help. Now, my friend M___ is an atheist, but he doesn't shove it down the throat of anyone not reciprocating with their own brand of belief. The trouble came in on some basic earth science. Age of the Grand Canyon, anyone? Now, this kid had been fed a pretty heavy line from his church, parents, Awanas, and Scouts, so when his Uncle M__ comes up with a completely different story, along with a lot of references and science to back it up, he's obviously confused. M___ didn't profess that what the kid had been told was "wrong" . . . he just gave him the evidence. As we all know, the science doesn't exactly point to a great flood carving out the canyon.

Relations between the kid's parents and M___ and his wife became strained rather quickly after that. Haven't seen the kid for a long time.

 

[TragicMonkey]

When I was five I got into a fight with my next door neighbors' kid, also five. He said there was no such thing as Santa Claus, and I took that as a slur upon my parents' honesty. "They'd never lie to me!" I shrieked, and commenced to whuppin' in the name of truth. Whoops!

(In my defense, those kids were taught all sorts of crazy things. He told me that the planet Earth was God's "ankle-bone", and that he couldn't see "Star Wars" because "space didn't exist". I just assumed his "no such thing as Santa Claus" was the same vein of nonsense.)

 

[joesixpack]

The story gets better (or worse, actually). My wife and I have been looking to gain a few foster children so that JoeJr. doesn't have to be an only child, and so that he still has some family when his parents are dead and gone.

Johnny and his three sisters (ages 9, 6, &2) as I've said, live with grandma and grandpa in a VERY small house. Grandma is actually their step grandma, as she has only been married to grandpa for about 5 years or so. She's a very sweet woman who honestly cares about these children who she isn't biologicly related to in any way. Grandpa, on the other hand, is what my wife refers to as a "church bully", someone who is religious because they feel that it justifies their being authoritarian and dictatorial. He has a bumpersticker that reads "Got Jesus? It's HELL without him". I can't help thinking that his personality had something to do with his daughter running away from home at 16 to start having all these kids in the first place. Grandpa has flatly stated to my wife and I that he didn't want to raise his grandchildren (which made grandma wince whenever he said it). Even grandma has admitted that they need to help the kids find a real home to grow up in. These kids are all very sweet and well behaved. My wife and I have a very large house which could accomodate all of them. Grandma really likes my wife because she frequently workes with her at my son's school (grandma is a teacher there in the pre-school, and my wife and I volunteer there once a week). So, there was a very real possibility that Johnny and his three sisters would come and live with us.

I guess we always knew that this would be an issue, but we held out some hope that we would be able to work around it, and I honestly think that if it were up to grandma, we could have. But I think it all boils down to one simple fact. We don't believe in grandpas imaginary friend.

 

[Jeff Corey]

We had an atheist friend who's 5 year old daughter asked her, "What's god?" after hearing about it from her friends. "It's a Santa Claus that some big people believe in."
We didn't go quite that far but would point out that there were a lot of different religions and we just didn't happen to believe in any of them. Sort of the "One less god than most people" approach.One day my six yo daughter surprised me with, "Dad, are there really devils in the ground?" One of the neighbors' kids had told her that when you tripped and fell, it was because the devils in the ground tripped you. That lead to a sort of Socratic dialogue about the existence of devils and other spirits.

 

[JQH]

My partner and step-daughter are South Africans and were both brought up as unquestioning christians. Most of Mrs H's ffriends have problems with the fat that I don't go to church, never mind me being an atheist.

Little H went very quiet when she discovered that I'm an atheist.