Open Letter to Anyone You Want Thread

Bottle or the Gun

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Dear Sen. Kerry,
Thanks for being so busy campaigning you couldn't vote on the unemployment extension bill, which lost by one vote.

Seeya in November,
America


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Dear George,
Quit screwing around and distracting us with gay marriage issues. Stop kissing up to wealthy nations that have resources we need but also help and harbor terrorists. Please stop being nice to primitive screwheads who think beheading non-combatants is the proper response to the beatings from a couple of idiots to detained prisoners of war. Please stop campaining for a few weeks and get to work. I look forward to your response.

Yours truly,
Not Drafted Yet
New York, NY
 
Dear Congress,

Please stop making federal laws for issues that are better resolved at the state level. We don't really need to fill the federal court system with cases about people taking pictures in the locker room.
Please stop making federal laws that duplicate existing state laws.
Please stop overstepping your authority while hiding behind the commerce clause. Just because the atoms that compose the machines that made something crossed a state line at somepoint in the last 200 years doesn't mean that you have to make laws about it or are even entitled to.
Please stop trying to codify every single human interaction into law. Just because it's icky doesn't mean it should be illegal.
Please stop taking my money before hand to pay for stuff (food, airlines, large businesses in general) and then tell me how lucky I am to get it so cheap. It ain't so cheap once you figure in the cost of the subsidies.
Please try to remember that you're there to work for the betterment of the whole US, and not to rape the other 49 states and shop the money to your own.
Please remember that not everything unpleasant needs to be made illegal. As a matter of fact, at least a one year delay should be imposed between when an issue comes to your attention and when you start to make laws on it. If it's still there in a year then maybe it's something worth legislating. Most of the crap you vote on would disappear in a month if you'd just let it lie.
Please stop being a bunch of wusses and wilting away everytime the executive branch glares at you. You're supposed to be a check on the E's power - a position that is argueably more important than your lawmaking role.
Please stop voting for laws that you haven't read. Especially stop complaining when provisions of that law come to bite you on the arse - you didn't pay attention in the first place so you'll have to deal with McCain-Feingold as is.
Please stop accepting a paycheck and healthy perks if you're not going to do the job properly. I ain't paying you guys near $200,000 yearly to play poker and chase interns.

Sincerely
Agammamon
 
Dear Bill,

If you could have exercised a little discression about who/where/when you got your monicas, Gore would be president and we might not be in this mess in Iraq.


Dear Al Franken,

When I sent you that explanation of what a polynoidal cyst is, explaining how it is a vestige of a prehensile tail, and how it would be funny to make jokes about Rush and his monkey tail, I was dissappointed not to get back a t-shirt, coffee mug, or other token of appreciation. Hrumph.


Dear John Coltrane,

Please come back from the dead so I can hear you play live, just once.
 
To all loud, uninformed liberals:

I love you dearly, but please shut up. You're not helping our cause.
 
Dear Pres. Bush,

Would you kindly do us little people a huge favor and call a few of your oil company cronies and get these dam* gasoline prices to a more reasonable level? These trumped up prices are BS and you know it.

And, what the h*ll is Cheney doing behind the scenes?

Yours kindly,
A Concerned and Poorer American
 
Dear Mr. Sharon
That land does not belong to you. You're helping to insure that the Arab world, at least, will continue to hate and persecute Jewish people for another 6,000 years.
Read that f***ing book of yours. "Thou shalt not steal."

Regards,
Brian
 
Sirs:
Doubt you guys would still be mad if it had been six million Arabs. Right?
A. Hitler
No Relation
Quasiguay, South America
National Lampoon

--Making a point. This one isn't original, but it makes me wonder how long it would take to meet that number, especially if things get bad enough for a few countries to consider the nuke option. I'm more worried about the mid-east nukes than I was the old cold-war USSR. Then again, that might be why the US is over there, to provide an island of stability. It's like the reason we are in South Korea. If the North attacks then they are also attacking the US, and if the South decides to go above the parallel, the US will put the brakes on it.

Ok, now lighten up.
 
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