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Only children

Luciana

Skeptical Carioca
Luciana
Joined
Aug 5, 2001
Messages
10,984
Location
Rio de Janeiro - RJ
I'm an only child. The main reason being that my parent's could barely afford one child, let alone two or more. Also, my mother was intent to give me an excellent education, something she herself was denied. So it had to be one, at most.

Speculations abounded. Some said she had become infertile. That my parent's marriage was doomed. That one day I'd die and they wouldn't have a "spare" child. That I'd be an spoiled and egotistic b*tch, prone to emotional instability. Some even said that only children have more chances of being psychotic.

Only children have access to better education than kids with siblings. If there's a direct link between income and educational level, it stands to reason that not dividing resources between two or more kids will allow for a beter education of one. Again, speaking for myself, maybe I wouldn't have had access to going to a language school to learn English. Knowing English increases my chances in the marketplace, to say the least.

Generosity. Everything was mine, I didn't have to share it with anyone. It's common to see siblings throwing tamtruns over who is eating the last cookie. I never had to. It would be mine. I was 100% sure that my parents would give me anything, as long as they could afford (sometimes they couldn't, and I understood that). I wasn't competing with anyone, and the last cookie wasn't about the love of my parents. So it follows that I found it very easy to share what I had with others. Things were just things, objects, not necessarily a struggle for attention.

I never wanted a sibling, although I felt lonely sometimes. However, I'm very good company to myself, and loneliness is a friend, not an enemy. I know I can do well on my own. That's very reassuring.

I wouldn't hesitate having only one child. It has its downsides, though. When my parents grow old, worse if senile, I'll be alone in taking care of them. It worriess me in this regard.

Having a sibling is a lottery - it can be someone you admire and a great friend, it can also be a total leech ready to exploit you.

Any more only children here? I know Lisa is one. How do you guys feel about being only children? If you are or are not, would you consider having only one kid?
 
I am an only child also. Mine was a very tricky delivery that could have easily killed both my mother and I, so my parents decided to wait, and the wait went for too long. They say that they never regretted having only me, though, phew! ;)

Being an only child, the default position was that I was a spoiled brat. That was my first contact with other kids at school, mostly, when they learned I had no siblings. "Oh, so you must be very spoiled, right?" Wrong. My parents never pampered me, and they had to fight against enormous odds to keep me more or less human, since I had three grandmothers (long story). Yet I think I came out quite all right, all things considered.

I agree with Luciana in that loneliness is a factor. For me it was never undesirable. It got me playing the most bizarre and absorbing games, and it made me very used to the company of adults; even today I feel very at ease with older people and I have no problem finding common ground with them.

There are drawbacks, of course. There's no one else to blame for the broken lamp (well, er, I never actually broke one, um, you know, being as good as I was and all), and no way to divert attention from the fact that I hadn't done my homework or my grades were below straight As. There's also a component of selfishness; I never learned to share properly until I was quite old, 10 or 11, maybe, when I started going on school trip and summer English schools. And I was, and still am, uncomfortable among lots of people and noisy environments. I'm not saying that this is a direct result of being an only child. But the loneliness and introspection associated with no siblings are certainly a factor, by my own estimation.

All in all, I don't mind at all being an only child. I certainly wouldn't worry about having only one child myself, but that depends largely on what the provider of the other half of the genome would think, if there ever is such person.
 
If you want a sibling, you can have my stupid sister. I'm talking about the one who got us lost in the mountains and dropped a rock on my head.
 
Only child here

I'm an only child as well. I wasn't spoiled when I was younger (my parents made too much money by $10 to get food stamps), I slept on a mattress and wore all hand me down clothes from my older cousins. I was quite sickly when I was younger (I was anaphylactically allergic to 5 of the 8 major food groups I was tested for plus environmental allergies) and asthma to boot, so I couldn't be around children as much as other kids my age because there was danger of me having a deadly allergic reaction. As a result, my mother and I became and are still very close. Some of my peers saw me as spoiled, and I'm still not sure if I was when I got older or not. Loneliness was a downside, but there aren't many sibling relationships I've come across that I really felt would be better than being an only child. I was quite content to amuse myself and make up all sorts of games and do lots of arts and crafts projects (as well as my own "scientific experiments"). I do have somewhat of a problem relating to people my own age and feel more comfortable around those much older or younger children. All of my parents' adult friends and many of my teachers would say I'm ____ going on 30. All in all I wouldn't mind having only one child.
 
arcticpenguin said:
If you want a sibling, you can have my stupid sister. I'm talking about the one who got us lost in the mountains and dropped a rock on my head.
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Explains a great deal.
 
I myself am an only child. But at the same time my family was poor and military. Loneliness was never much a problem. Education was. I spent my entire youth educating myself on my own... and look where its landed me: My English is at best "ok" (I envy Luciana's mastery of the English language :biggrin: ) and now I am the one who teaches the children. I was never spoiled, I had to work to get everything I've ever owned.

My wife on the other hand, she has 3 older sisters (four women, ever seen what theyre like in one room).
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Some even said that only children have more chances of being psychotic.
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All 4 of those women are completely insane.

If we were planning on having children, we'd probably have only one.
 
i was an only child, and my mother and i nearly died when i was born because my mother was extremely sick. while my parents were rather affluent, i was never spoiled in the same way that others in our economical position were. my mother is neurotic and my father is anti-social. it boggles the mind how they managed to have me, let alone get married. you would know what i mean if you met them. in terms of education, my mother taught me to read and do basic mathematics well before i entered any kind of public school situation. i have been happy as an only child, and don't feel that i have been "let down" as a social creature.
 
Only child here too. Lonliness was really not a problem since I always read alot, did science projects and experiments, learned to play games by myself. etc. I too never wanted a sibling since I guess I never wanted to share.

I find many only children who are not spoiled but are generally more well educated and socially adept.
 
Only child here too. I'm not sure why, but I suspect my mother felt she had her hands full with me. In some ways, I was spoiled, in other ways not. Grew up to be rather introvert, but that needs no be because of that. Did not learn so much about social behaviour, that took another ten years or so, afterwards, heheh. Never missed siblings.

Hans
 
OK all - lets admit it.

In all our posts there has been couched veiled inferences to our better education. Lets face it - we all feel superior to the unwashed because we really are.

:wink:
 
Morwen said:
Being an only child, the default position was that I was a spoiled brat. That was my first contact with other kids at school, mostly, when they learned I had no siblings. "Oh, so you must be very spoiled, right?" Wrong.
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Exactly! This is so common. It has been used against me many many times. Actually, I had to have two medium-sized ulcers before a famous doctor agreed to request an exam. In his opinion, I only wanted to be pampered, being an only child and all. :rolleyes:

I agree with Luciana in that loneliness is a factor. For me it was never undesirable. It got me playing the most bizarre and absorbing games, and it made me very used to the company of adults; even today I feel very at ease with older people and I have no problem finding common ground with them.
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Absolutely. I've always felt comfortable around adults, in a way that my teenage friends were not.

. And I was, and still am, uncomfortable among lots of people and noisy environments. I'm not saying that this is a direct result of being an only child. But the loneliness and introspection associated with no siblings are certainly a factor, by my own estimation.
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Same here. I'm a very sociable person. But it tells a story that I make a point of having lunch on my own everyday.

Competition. I never got any thrill at it. Maybe that's something that comes with siblings? To this day, I don't like competing. It does nothing for. I don't care about winning, I care even less if I lose. Do you only children feel like that, too?
 
Luciana Nery said:

Competition. I never got any thrill at it. Maybe that's something that comes with siblings? To this day, I don't like competing. It does nothing for. I don't care about winning, I care even less if I lose. Do you only children feel like that, too?
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I'm an only child, and I hate competition, but I'm not sure there's any correlation. I'm the kind of person who will only agree to play a competitave game if no one keeps score, or if the rulles are modified to make the game "cooperative." I don't like games with "winners" and "losers."

I'm glad my parents didn't have other kids; they had enough problems paying private school tuition as it was. I think my quality of life would have suffered if I had had siblings. The downside was that I spent an awful lot of time playing Monopoly all by myself. :( And even weirder, chess. (We didn't have a computer back then, so I didn't have anyone to play against, until I taught my friend Alison how in junior high. And then I learned that I really sucked at chess, because she started beating me every time...maybe I don't like competition because it's bad for my ego. :))
 
The abhorrence of competition must be inherited. I was one of 4 siblings and cringe at any competitive challenge.

I was also glad QuarkChild was our only quark. The quality of life deterioration works both ways.

I was always there to play Chutes and Ladders, I guess QuarkChild out grew it!
 
QuarkDad said:
The abhorrence of competition must be inherited. I was one of 4 siblings and cringe at any competitive challenge.

I was also glad QuarkChild was our only quark. The quality of life deterioration works both ways.

I was always there to play Chutes and Ladders, I guess QuarkChild out grew it!
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Dad, we didn't have Chutes and Ladders. :) You were always there for a nice cooperative game of Legos, though.

Welcome to the forum....finally!
 
QuarkDad said:
The abhorrence of competition must be inherited. I was one of 4 siblings and cringe at any competitive challenge.

I was also glad QuarkChild was our only quark. The quality of life deterioration works both ways.

I was always there to play Chutes and Ladders, I guess QuarkChild out grew it!
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Welcome to the forum, QuarkDad!

But I thought quarks usually came in threes?
 
I'm not an only child myself but I have always been curious as to what it would be like. When someone mentions 'only child' to me, I automatically imagine a small child playing alone in a spacious room with his/her toy truck/barbie and I can't help but feel sorry for this lonely figment of my imagination. It's pretty far fetched I know :D, but that's how my mind seems to work. I was wondering, for all you only children out there, have you ever at one point in time (or more) felt lonely? Have you ever envied other children that had siblings? I'm just curious in what you see as an advantage and disadvantage of being an only child..

Missy
 
Missy said:
I was wondering, for all you only children out there, have you ever at one point in time (or more) felt lonely? Have you ever envied other children that had siblings?
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In a way, only children have the best of both worlds. We can invite our friends over to play if we want to play Barbies with someone, and when we want peace and quiet, we can have that too. I think envy works the other way: My friends who had siblings used to envy me sometimes because I didn't have a pesky little brother or sister to deal with. I don't think I ever envied them.
 
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