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My short story

Doglefox

Student
Joined
Nov 1, 2003
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42
I worte this short story for school. Thought I'd share it!



I see all



Madra did not use cards or crystal balls to see into the future, instead she relied on her dreams. When she would tell fortunes she would fall into a trance, a dream like state, and she believed that she could tell a persons future. Once she told Jibari, the goat herder, to stop herding goats as they were going to trample him, and he sold his heard and became a chicken rancher. He did not enjoy chickens, but they weren't going to trample him to death. “Yes,” thought Madra, “I've done another good deed for this world, I've saved Jibari's life”. People changed their whole lives, “for the better according to what I say” Madra said.

One night when Madra came back from her hard work, she lay down and drifted into a deep trance. The only thing that was different this time was that the vision was about her. In the vision she was walking on the cracked sidewalk she used everyday to go to work.. Suddenly out of the corner of her eye she saw a large green bus charging toward her at an enormous rate of speed. She woke up suddenly with her heart racing. She knew she was going to die, for she could see all.

Madra decided she would never go to work again, then she would never be killed by the bus. The only problem was since she didn't go to work, she wasn't paid. Since she wasn't paid she couldn't buy anything. After three weeks of exile in her home, Madra was tearing apart her kitchen looking for something to eat. Madra decided that if the great Spirit decided the great Madra was going to die, she would accept her fate. So, off to work she went.

Madra started out her day like any other. Strangely enough it ended in the same fashion. After a year, of expecting to be hit by a bus, Madra began to think about her dream. “Perhaps I can't tell the future” Madra thought to herself, “and besides which I have never even seen a green bus! Have I been lying to all these people? Have I been lying to myself? It's time to stop living in my dream world and awaken!” Six years later Madra had moved to New York city and opened her law practice. Unfortunately for Jibara, he is still chicken ranching, even though found out he is allergic to chickens.
 
sorry almost posted under my daughters name

anyway, I'm sure my parenting had nothing to do with this story.

Her teacher said they had to write a short story about "dreams".

Good little junior skeptic!
 
Doglefox...that's a great story, and well written. Can you expand it further and make it a little more detailed? I can see the possibility of some more humourous build-up to the funny bits, especially the ending!


Ummm..."sold his heard"??
 
hey, for a dyslexic that's not bad. The problem with modern spell checkers is they don't check for making sense!

The story is only supposed to be a page...but I see the comic possibilities. Anyway, since writing for her is like pulling teeth, and she goes to the hippy school, this should go down in an interesting way...
 
kittynh said:
hey, for a dyslexic that's not bad. The problem with modern spell checkers is they don't check for making sense!

The story is only supposed to be a page...but I see the comic possibilities. Anyway, since writing for her is like pulling teeth, and she goes to the hippy school, this should go down in an interesting way...
Dyslexic waving back atcha, Doglefox and Kitty!

Yes, MS Word has a grammar checker that is, well, clearly programmed by some young geek from Seattle, so it would seem. It needs someone like jj to REALLY get it straightened out.

Doglefox, your story-telling ability is good and you have demonstrated you can write well. Keep working on it - sometimes it seems difficult to get your thoughts down in black-and-white, but the nice thing about a word-processor is that you put them all down first, then you can arrange them and polish them until they say what you really meant. Don't be afraid of writing too much or too little - that is unimportant. Just make sure you get your whole story down first!

And the other half of good writing is practice! All good writers started out writing lots of rubbish and only little bits of gem-quality stuff (heck, some still do this!). With practice, they produced more good stuff. Just like riding a bike, practice makes perfect. Keep it up, OK?
 
kittynh said:
*snip*
Anyway, since writing for her is like pulling teeth,
*snip*

There´s a nice quote about writing from David Eddings:

"When it works, it´s better than any dope you can buy. If it doesn´t, it´s like giving birth to a baby elephant." :D

Anyway...well done, Doglefox!

I started writing at school, too. It was in a test, we had to write a (very) short story including a number of magic elements - one magic item, three magical creatures, and so on. It was in English classes, a foreign language for me.
I don´t think I have that story any more, but from what I remember, yours is much better. And you started out a lot younger than I did, too!

Keep it up!
 
Hey, after Chaos' post, would this be a good time and place to brag about my English exam back in highschool? The one where the teacher ran into me a couple of days later to congratulate me on having the best written exam of the entire grade. And that grade included some students who specifically studied languages.

At times I think I'm better at writing in English than in my native language ...

[/End Ego Boost]
 

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