My Howell Heflin Story

[Brown]

As reported by CNN, among others, former Sen. Howell Heflin has died. Although I was ambivalent about his career in the Senate, there is one incident involving Howell Heflin that sticks in my memory.

In the early 1990s, I was in Washington DC to look for work. (On my first night in Washington, I had dinner at the hotel's restaurant. Sitting almost directly in front of me was Senator Howell Heflin. I said to myself, "Holy crap, that's Howell Heflin!" (Heflin had received some publicity during the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings.) I thought that seeing a real-life senator "in the wild" was something of a treat.

In the days that followed, however, I came to realize that spotting a senator in Washington, or other movers and shakers, was not that much of a big deal. I eventually saw 92 of the senators, about a dozen representatives that I could identify, all nine members of the Supreme Court, and the president (elder Bush, on his way to the Kennedy Center honors). I rode on the subway next to Clark Clifford, adviser to presidents Kennedy and Johnson. All this within a matter of about five days.

I later felt kind of silly about thinking that spotting Howell Heflin was somehow special.

 

[toddjh]

I eventually saw 92 of the senators, about a dozen representatives that I could identify, all nine members of the Supreme Court

I'm impressed that you could recognize that many.

I often get embarrassed because I mostly know about politicians from print alone, and have no clue what most of them look like.

Jeremy

 

[aerocontrols]

I'm impressed that you could recognize that many.

I often get embarrassed because I mostly know about politicians from print alone, and have no clue what most of them look like.

Jeremy

That's nothing to be embarrassed about, in my opinion.

I think the electorate would make much better choices if none of us had any idea what the candidates look like.

I wouldn't be too impressed though. I bet he just went and sat in the Senate gallery while it was in session and counted heads

 

[headscratcher4]

My Howell Heflin story:

I was once visiting a college friend in Alabama back in the early 90s. I subsequently have learned that the Senate was on recess at that time. So, the odds seem pretty good that Howell and I were both in Alabama at the same time -- though I can't say so for sure.

Needless to say, this is riviting.

 

[varwoche]

I vaguely recall that Heflin was on the Watergate committee. I was captivated by those hearings as a kid -- I remember rushing home from school to watch. This event was my gateway drug to becoming a political junkie.

 

[Suddenly]

I wouldn't be too impressed though. I bet he just went and sat in the Senate gallery while it was in session and counted heads

Nah. No way he sees 92 if he does that...

 

[Ladewig]

When it comes to Howell Heflin impersonations, no one will ever top Chris Farley's. I still remeber the SNL sketch about the Thomas confirmation hearings. Farley stole the show admonishing Thomas about the kinds of p0rnography that women prefer.

 

[Charlie Monoxide]

Was he the guy who allegdedly picked up Howard Hughes hitch-hiking in the desert and ended up in his will?

Charlie (Howard and the Melvins) Monoxide

 

[Brown]

I was surprised at how many senators I was able to recognize. In addition to spotting senators on the street, in the Senate office buildings and while the Seante was in session (during which the Senate chamber was virtually empty), I also observed a roll call vote. For the first time in history (according to Senator John Warner, who wished it entered in the record), the roll was taken by a lady. As each senator "checked in," she announced the senator's name. I was able to name nearly all of them before she said what their names were.

I was very impressed with the way some senators conducted themselves on the Senate floor: Jake Garn of Utah, for one. Donald Riegel of Michigan for another. But there was also Alphone D'Amato, whose conduct on the Senate floor was disgraceful. (He had recently been called a "wacko," and he was doing what he could to live down to that label.)

I didn't recognize as many Representatives. I did get a chuckle from Barney Frank, who was shepherding some non-controversial matters through the house. He made a polite joke about a zoning matter, in which a certain building had been incorrectly zoned. He said "we decided" it was easier to rezone the property correctly than to move the building to a proper zone.

As for spotting President Bush... well, that's for another post.

 

[aerocontrols]

Nah. No way he sees 92 if he does that...

Maybe he went lots of times...?

 

[rikzilla]

My Howell Heflin story:

I was once visiting a college friend in Alabama back in the early 90s. I subsequently have learned that the Senate was on recess at that time. So, the odds seem pretty good that Howell and I were both in Alabama at the same time -- though I can't say so for sure.

Needless to say, this is riviting.

C'mon man! Blow the OP away and tell your Monica Lewinsky story!



-z

PS: Better yet, make with the picture!

 

[headscratcher4]

C'mon man! Blow the OP away and tell your Monica Lewinsky story!



-z

PS: Better yet, make with the picture!

Ah, that ol' borin' tale?

 

[Ladewig]

But there was also Alphone D'Amato, whose conduct on the Senate floor was disgraceful.

What counts as disgraceful conduct on the floor of the Senate?

 

[Brown]

What counts as disgraceful conduct on the floor of the Senate?

Disgraceful conduct includes: unprofessional conduct; show-boating; poorly reasoned (if not outright absurd) arguments; and name-calling. D'Amato did them all. (The Congressional Record, as I later checked, cleaned up some but not all of his remarks.)

At issue was the interest rates being charged by credit card companies. D'Amato came to the Senate floor to make a show of his opposition to the high rates, using visual aids that either made no sense (e.g., a "MasterCard" logo with a red circle-dash through it), or that did not contribute to the discussion. After all, it was generally agreed that the issue was not all that pressing and was in the process of working itself out without Senate involvement. (Which is eventually what did happen.)

D'Amato devoted a portion of his "presentation" to the recent characterization of himself as a "wacko." He then proceeded to speak in a way that he himself acknowledged would result in other "wacko" charges being leveled. He was very animated. He was putting on a show, and reminded me of Mel Brooks's blustery (but do-nothing) speech in "Blazing Saddles": "We've got to protect our phony baloney jobs, gentlemen! Harumph!"

After D'Amato was through, Jake Garn spoke, and the contrast between the two men could not have been more stark. Garn spoke evenly and reasonably. He also bemoaned the fact that so many senators (he didn't name names) seem to run around with their fingers in the air, following the short-lived political winds. "Is that all that moves this body anymore?" Garn asked. It was a great moment.

 

[Brown]

As for spotting President George H. W. Bush (the elder):

The Kennedy Center honors were scheduled for an evening while I was in Washington, and I decided to see what that was all about. There were quite a few folks milling around the Kennedy Center, and it was too crowded for my taste. So I decided to find another spot.

In Washington DC, the possible routes from the White House to the Kennedy Center were rather limited. Basically, the presidential motorcade would proceed straight west to the Watergate complex, then make a very sharp left turn. This particular turn was unavoidable. There was no way for the motorcade to get to the Kennedy Center without making this sharp turn.

And that is where I decided to wait. A police officer actually directed me to wait in a particular spot, which turned out to be a much better spot than the one I had chosen. I was all by myself, standing on a traffic island at the place where the motorcade would make the sharp turn.

There were helicopters overhead, with lots of searchlights. It would not surprise me at all to learn that one or more sharpshooters on the roofs had targeted me through their scopes, wondering whether I was a bad guy.

It was clear that this particular intersection was a sort of bottleneck. Any person who was up to no good would know that the president would have to pass through and make this sharp turn. The need for security was obvious.

Just as the time for the Honors arrived, there was a sudden flurry of activity. Police cars, parked all around the area, turned on their flashing lights. Many of them moved to block all traffic on G Street, giving me an excellent view of an empty street all the way to the White House.

The motorcade, escorted by multitudes of flashing red and blue lights, pulled onto the street and came right toward me. It moved fairly slowly, until it approached the sharp turn. The lead escort vehicles negotiated the turn first. Then came the presidential limousine.

Three presidential limousines, actually. All decked with flags, the whole bit. Although I didn’t realize it at first, it was the old shell game: hide the Big Guy in one of the limousines.

As the first limousine approached the turn, it accelerated. It took the turn at a very high speed. This immediately made sense to me. The turn was a bottleneck, and it was best to get through it quickly.

As the first limousine passed, I saw there was no one in the back seat.

The second limousine approached. It too accelerated and took the turn at a higher than reasonable speed. And it too was without passengers.

Then the third limousine approached. It accelerated and hit the turn at high speed.

And suddenly, I was face-to-face with the President of the United States, who had been thrown, Garfield-like, against the window of his limo. The Leader of the Free World looked like he was about to puke.

And a moment later, he was gone.

 

[Ladewig]

Disgraceful conduct includes: unprofessional conduct; show-boating; poorly reasoned (if not outright absurd) arguments; and name-calling. D'Amato did them all. (The Congressional Record, as I later checked, cleaned up some but not all of his remarks.)

At issue was the interest rates being charged by credit card companies. D'Amato came to the Senate floor to make a show of his opposition to the high rates, using visual aids that either made no sense (e.g., a "MasterCard" logo with a red circle-dash through it), or that did not contribute to the discussion. After all, it was generally agreed that the issue was not all that pressing and was in the process of working itself out without Senate involvement. (Which is eventually what did happen.)

D'Amato devoted a portion of his "presentation" to the recent characterization of himself as a "wacko." He then proceeded to speak in a way that he himself acknowledged would result in other "wacko" charges being leveled. He was very animated. He was putting on a show, and reminded me of Mel Brooks's blustery (but do-nothing) speech in "Blazing Saddles": "We've got to protect our phony baloney jobs, gentlemen! Harumph!"

After D'Amato was through, Jake Garn spoke, and the contrast between the two men could not have been more stark. Garn spoke evenly and reasonably. He also bemoaned the fact that so many senators (he didn't name names) seem to run around with their fingers in the air, following the short-lived political winds. "Is that all that moves this body anymore?" Garn asked. It was a great moment.

How sad that Bismarck got it right over a century ago - you never want to watch laws and sausages being made. I am saddened when I think how much Congress could do if it dedicated itself to purposes more noble than showboating, pork barrelling, and attacking the other side.

 

[punchdrunk]

The Leader of the Free World looked like he was about to puke.

Did he look like this?:

"An ashen-faced George Bush Senior, after vomiting in Japan in 1992"

A few years of college and that disheveled expression of relief should look familiar to anyone....