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My American Experience

chris epic

Perpetual Student
Joined
Mar 12, 2006
Messages
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I just wrote this for a small essay assignment in English. He wanted us to write on our "American Experience" and if we wanted a less ambiguous topic, he told us "tough" but I thought this was entertaining and brief enough to share. Enjoy.

Essay #1: “Defining Your American Experience”

YEEEAAAAAHHHH, what an experience! I have experienced the US for nearly twenty seven years. Born and bread, completely cultivated, and transmission-received from the culture, baby.

I recall my Humanities teacher at Grand Junction High School, Dr. Darryl Becker; perhaps the only Professor in public education a student has ever known. He said it best (but I must paraphrase), “Americans will damn this country, curse this country, and say how they wish they lived somewhere else. I’ve been to hundreds of countries dozens of times and of any place I could live in the world I would want to live right here.” Yup, he said it, and that changed the way I felt about America. I was challenged to look deeper and realized that even though we have a crack-pot retard hick in office, even though gas prices suck, and my social security benefits are in jeopardy, nobody has it as good as we do, nobody! But ask me if I’m a patriot?

I am not a patriot because I believe that most of us are blinded by the definition of liberty and the government’s daily illustration of liberty. We do not realize how misleading and false the first lines of the Declaration of Independence are. We are not born free and we are not born equal. I hate to say it but its true. We are not naturally born with rights. Try telling that to a Mexican immigrant that wonders why she can’t get the same kudos we do even though she works twice as hard for a fraction of the pay within the breadbasket of the world. Try telling a tornado or Hurricane Katrina that you have a “right to life,” because she won’t listen to you and that’s evident in the tragedy of the Gulf Coast. Finally, in this country, women can terminate their parental responsibility in numerous ways but men are forced to bare the burden regardless of their preparedness or desire. I firmly believe that the Constitution needs to be reevaluated and our children need to be educated about the truth of their so-called freedom, they need to be educated for future generations even about the basic falsehood that Law prevents crime or protects citizens because Law does not, It only punishes. But these are my basic woes for my America. I don’t want you to think I’m a cynic so now that I have gotten that out of the way, I will tell you about my positive American Experience.

I can be what ever I want. No, I’ve really figured this out. I used to think that people are born into certain brackets of society, almost stratified from being able to get an education or career. Here is how I know. America has, first, convinced me that I can because Her motto is “Success and Skies-the-Limit.” The blood of our country is green from money. And you can make it if you are aggressive enough. I want to be a teacher. I want to educate children. I have a criminal record. Don’t worry, no sex crimes, no felonies, but still a very colorful record. I was apprehensive at the idea of education when I realized this. However; if public education wont except me because they think I’m at risk I could probably teach at a private school. And still, if I don’t get that cigar, I can always OUT SOURCE myself and, again, America invented that, didn’t she? And finally, the thing that will make all of this possible, aside from personal tenacity, is that America is paying for me to go to school. I can’t go wrong with that. There were even countless restaurant dinners that America paid for last semester. Thus, Ms. America, my amber wave, I solute you and if you don’t let me teach your children then ship me off to CANADA, BABY!
 
It reminds me of "I am a patriot", originally by Jackson Browne, though Pearl Jam does a great live version of it from time to time.

But I'm kind of drunk.
(and listening to Pearl Jam)
 
I just wrote this for a small essay assignment in English. He wanted us to write on our "American Experience" and if we wanted a less ambiguous topic, he told us "tough" but I thought this was entertaining and brief enough to share. Enjoy.

Essay #1: “Defining Your American Experience”

YEEEAAAAAHHHH, what an experience! I have experienced the US for nearly twenty seven years. Born and bread...

Unless I'm missing an allusion, that should be "born and bred."

We do not realize how misleading and false the first lines of the Declaration of Independence are.

The Declaration kind of takes that reality into account. It's premise is that governments are constituted for the benefit of the people - not the other way around. If the government does not aspire to that principle, they become obsolete and should be replaced. The lowly immigrant and the king himself, according to the Enlightenment ideal, are born with the same set of natural rights - though this in no way guarantees equality of outcome.
 
However; if public education wont except me because they think I’m at risk I could probably teach at a private school.

His instructor was not wont for accepting the wrong words. However, I found this in a fortune cookie, "You will have good luck and overcome many hardships." Next!
 
Got news for folks: I happen to know at least a handful of bright, brave new teachers of English who can't spell or construct a decent sentence to save their lives; people who spell much worse than ChrisEpic.

How do I know? I'm the one who corrected their papers for them so they could pass.
 
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Oh dear.

Why do Americans, rather than seek to improve their own country, take off and inflict themselves on us? I often think that Americans come here with two goals:

1. Smoke pot
2. Complain about George Bush.

Do people honestly believe that Canada is like it's portrayed in Michael Moore films (er, sorry, I meant "documentaries")?
Try telling that to a Mexican immigrant that wonders why she can’t get the same kudos we do even though she works twice as hard for a fraction of the pay within the breadbasket of the world.

I really don't think that she's wondering about that. I think she recognises the opportunities which being in America affords her children, otherwise, she would have stayed in Mexico. People generally try not to move to a sh**tier country.

I'm not saying that working as a chambermaid or whatever, doesn't suck, but it's a decision that someone who immigrated to the States made.

I do, however, agree with your point on females being allowed to terminate parental responsibilities. However, I don't think that that's a situation unique to America.
 
He was bred in Canada, but he's just a crumb down here.

Curly: "She was bred in ol' Kentucky, but she's just a crumb down here. She's knock kneeded and double jointed, with a cauliflower ear. If times get tough, and money becomes dear, we'll just cut off a piece, of her cauliflower ear...."

From "An Ache in Every Stake", IIRC.
 
Curly: "She was bred in ol' Kentucky, but she's just a crumb down here. She's knock kneeded and double jointed, with a cauliflower ear. If times get tough, and money becomes dear, we'll just cut off a piece, of her cauliflower ear...."

From "An Ache in Every Stake", IIRC.

Aahh, the classics...

Michael
 
We are not naturally born with rights. Try telling that to a Mexican immigrant that wonders why she can’t get the same kudos we do even though she works twice as hard for a fraction of the pay within the breadbasket of the world.

Unfair as this may be, I'm not aware that getting paid a certain salary for a certain amount of "hard work" is a right. I think you've got some of your fundamental concepts of what the word "right" actually means a little confused.

Try telling a tornado or Hurricane Katrina that you have a “right to life,” because she won’t listen to you and that’s evident in the tragedy of the Gulf Coast.

Particularly in regards to the Declaration of Independence, the "right" to something means that government cannot take that thing away from you. That does not insulate you from the vaguaries of life, nor was it ever previously understood to mean that. You have misunderstood what was clear to everyone at the time the Declaration of Independence was writen and signed.
 
Oh dear.

Why do Americans, rather than seek to improve their own country, take off and inflict themselves on us? I often think that Americans come here with two goals:

1. Smoke pot
2. Complain about George Bush.

Whereas people like me show up to do the former but not the latter.
 
We do not realize how misleading and false the first lines of the Declaration of Independence are. We are not born free and we are not born equal. I hate to say it but its true. We are not naturally born with rights. Try telling that to a Mexican immigrant that wonders why she can’t get the same kudos we do even though she works twice as hard for a fraction of the pay within the breadbasket of the world.

Not to pick on you, but I get sick of seeing this stereotype of Mexican immigrant being portrayed over and over. My dental hygenist is a Mexican immigrant, for instance, and she does well, is highly professional and well educated, and pays to put her two boys through college herself. Furthermore, I have several recent Mexican immigrants as business clients, and they are all business owners. Four of them own four related restaurants in this metro area and are very successful. They have dozens of employees, nearly all of whom are also Mexican immigrants, and whom they pay well enough to live very decent lives. I also have a Mexican immigrant client who owns a very successful brick mason business, and he employs dozens of workers and pays them well, and he makes a lot of money, far more than most persons with professional degrees. He saves most of it, or sends it home to Mexico to relatives. He lives very modestly by American standards.

Here is one part of the stereotype I will help perpetuate with my own anecdotal observations, however. As a group, recent Mexican immigrants in my area seem to be some of the hardest working people I have ever encountered. Their work ethic is amazing, and I never hear any of them complain. This includes the Mexican immigrant some friends and relatives employ from time to time for odd landscaping and household jobs. They say you have to go out each day (after nightfall usually) and tell him to stop working and go home for the day. He always responds with a big, cheerful smile.

AS
 
I really don't think that she's wondering about that. I think she recognises the opportunities which being in America affords her children, otherwise, she would have stayed in Mexico. People generally try not to move to a sh**tier country.

I'm not saying that working as a chambermaid or whatever, doesn't suck, but it's a decision that someone who immigrated to the States made.
A few years ago, we had a sewer line break in our back yard, and had to hire a plumber to repair it. They couldn't get a backhoe in the yard, so the plumber had to hire what he called "some amigos."

These guys dug down to the busted sewer line. This was in June. June in Virginia gets hot. And humid. One day, I looked out at the "amigos," one at the bottom of a trench ten feet deep (a trench without shoring, let it be said), filling a bucket full of a combination of dirt and human waste, while another "amigo" pulled the bucket up with a rope and dumped it.

It struck me. These guys were digging s#!t in a trench in the summer heat thousands of miles from home, in a country where they didn't speak the language. And presumably, they had concluded they would rather do this than be back home.
 
It struck me. These guys were digging s#!t in a trench in the summer heat thousands of miles from home, in a country where they didn't speak the language. And presumably, they had concluded they would rather do this than be back home.

Did you bring them some lemonade?
 
I'm not saying that working as a chambermaid or whatever, doesn't suck, but it's a decision that someone who immigrated to the States made.

Some of the most interesting films I've seen on Cinimax involve a chambermaid and the mistress of the house commanding her.
 
Some of the most interesting films I've seen on Cinimax involve a chambermaid and the mistress of the house commanding her.

That DOES sound interesting.

Were they both wearing thigh highs? I assume that the chamber maid had on the typical French Maid outfit, but what was the mistress wearing? What type of shoes? Shoes are very important tools in establishing authority.
 
Yup, he said it, and that changed the way I felt about America.

I was living in the Netherlands while GWI was going on. I was in line in a supermarket once, and the old guy in front of me heard me speaking English. In difficult English, he asked me if I was English. "No, I'm American."

"Oh, you are American! We appreciate you more than you know!"

This guy remembered because he was there when the Nazis stormed through. He knows what the true **** is in this world, unlike the feigned crap that outrages softened, functionally ivory-towered citizens when they're not playing their Nintendo DSes.
 
That DOES sound interesting.

Were they both wearing thigh highs? I assume that the chamber maid had on the typical French Maid outfit, but what was the mistress wearing? What type of shoes? Shoes are very important tools in establishing authority.

Well, the mistress was wearing a loose bathrobe, and the maid, of Asian descent (but very curvy in the hippal region) stood there looking uncomfortable while her mistress removed her maid dress. With the maid standing there topless in sheer-to-waist black pantyhose, the mistress slid her hands along the widest parts of the creamy hips, down inside the pantyhose, with the authority of ownership. Shortly thereafter, the maid's melting occured.

I want my money back on this life. I find it hard to believe I saw the form and checked this box:


In this upcoming life, you want to be (check only one):

[ ] Gorgeous, wealthy socialite female who abuses her power over maids for sexual gratification

[ ] Gorgeous maid who has her sexuality explored by her mistress against her will...initially

[x] Fat dude with heart disease and frustration
 
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