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Michelle Bachmann Chews Out Stephen Hawking

Crow T R0bot

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Crow T R0bot
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Jun 14, 2013
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So apparently Stephen Hawking admitting he was wrong about black holes means all scientists are full of crap, according to Michelle Bachmann.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Dr. Stephen Hawking’s recent statement that the black holes he famously described do not actually exist underscores “the danger inherent in listening to scientists,” Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minnesota) said today.

Rep. Bachmann unleashed a blistering attack on Dr. Hawking, who earlier referred to his mistake on black holes as his “biggest blunder.”

“Actually, Dr. Hawking, our biggest blunder as a society was ever listening to people like you,” said Rep. Bachmann. “If black holes don’t exist, then other things you scientists have been trying to foist on us probably don’t either, like climate change and evolution.”

Rep. Bachmann added that all the students who were forced to learn about black holes in college should now sue Dr. Hawking for a full refund. “Fortunately for me, I did not take any science classes in college,” she said.

Bachmann’s anti-Hawking comments seemed to be gaining traction on Capitol Hill, as seen from the statement by Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Texas), Chairman of the House Science Committee, who said, “Going forward, members of the House Science Committee will do our best to avoid listening to scientists.”
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EDIT: And Dear God I'm thick, apparently the Borowitz Report is a satirical thing. -_-
 
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I had to hover over the link to make sure it wasn't an Onion article. Now I feel sad.
 
For the first three paragraphs I might have believed it wasn't satire.

The Borowitz Report is satire, for those wondering.
 
Why do people pay attention to that creature? Vote her out of office and never speak of her again.
 
Pretty sure Hawking did not say black holes don't exist. What he said was that the event horizon may not be the smooth spherical surface around the hole as previously thought. He suggests that a more chaotic surface could resolve the discrepancies between QM and Relativity.
 
Here's some more of Borowitz's columns...

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/

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Christie Urges Media to Focus on Weight

Polar Vortex Causes Hundreds of Injuries as People Making Snide Remarks About Climate Change Are Punched in Face


Steve S
 
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Yeah, just found out that the Borowitz Report is satirical. Please excuse me, does anyone have any recommended soap for washing egg off my face?
 
Molinaro said:
Pretty sure Hawking did not say black holes don't exist. What he said was that the event horizon may not be the smooth spherical surface around the hole as previously thought. He suggests that a more chaotic surface could resolve the discrepancies between QM and Relativity.
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What? You mean the mainstream media reported a complex scientific problem inaccurately, by pulling a single soundbite out of context and using that to incorrectly characterise something a scientist said? I don't beleive it.
 
Crow T R0bot said:
Yeah, just found out that the Borowitz Report is satirical. Please excuse me, does anyone have any recommended soap for washing egg off my face?
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No problem. I think many of us have been caught that way. I know I have been. What needs soap is when someone continues posting nonsense, is told about it, and never owns up to it.

Remember Poe's Law:

Without a winking smiley or other blatant display of humor, it is impossible to create a parody of Fundamentalism that SOMEONE won't mistake for the real thing.
 
Molinaro said:
Pretty sure Hawking did not say black holes don't exist.
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No he did begin his recent article saying just that. However, it was a little bit of a troll - Hawking is somewhat known for occasional provocative opening statements and titles like that in articles that he authors - and upon reading, it becomes clear that he still very much agrees that black holes exist, merely with the changes you outline above.
 
Molinaro said:
Pretty sure Hawking did not say black holes don't exist. What he said was that the event horizon may not be the smooth spherical surface around the hole as previously thought. He suggests that a more chaotic surface could resolve the discrepancies between QM and Relativity.
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Correct - but they know that we know that so they are having her respond as she would had she the brains and actual vocabulary.
 
Checkmite said:
No he did begin his recent article saying just that. However, it was a little bit of a troll - Hawking is somewhat known for occasional provocative opening statements and titles like that in articles that he authors - and upon reading, it becomes clear that he still very much agrees that black holes exist, merely with the changes you outline above.
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You'd think he'd learn what invariably happens when he does that.
 
arthwollipot said:
What? You mean the mainstream media reported a complex scientific problem inaccurately, by pulling a single soundbite out of context and using that to incorrectly characterise something a scientist said? I don't beleive it.
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This.

Bachmann's distrust is justified, but her proper target is the media, not scientists.
 
I must give credit here to Borowitz. Normally his satire is so terribly transparent and uninteresting that nobody would fall for it. Guess he's getting better at his craft. Only one way to go, I suppose.
 
“Actually, Dr. Hawking, our biggest blunder as a society was ever listening to people like you,” said Rep. Bachmann. “If black holes don’t exist, then other things you scientists have been trying to foist on us probably don’t either, like climate change and evolution.”
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Or gravity. She should jump off a very large building and show us all how gravity is BS.
 
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