Attended my nephew's commencement at American University in Washington, D.C., May 8. The speaker at the ceremonies for the School of Public Affairs and School of International Service was U.S. Senator Daniel Inouye of Hawaii. He began by saying that after all these years, he did not remember who spoke at his commencement address, nor what the speaker spoke about. Evidently, Inouye was determined to carry on that tradition for the AU Class of 2005.
He spoke of how Americans of Japanese descent were interned during World War II, how President Roosevelt announced that "'Americanism'" (is that a word?) "had nothing to do with race", and that therefore Nisei should be allowed to enlist in the armed forces, which Inouye did, how in 1988, "an apology was issued" to the Nisei,* how the "native Americans" were almost wiped off the face of the earth, and why filibusters are good. Oh, and best wishes for success in your careers. I listened intently for some common theme, some larger point he was going to make to link all this rambling together into a memorable charge to the newest Masters of the Universe as they head off to remake the world, but I listened in vain.
Oh, well, he's eighty years old (that was another point he made), and I guess at that age, you can get your honorary doctorate, say pretty much what you damned well please, then totter off to some pressing engagement without having to sit through the ordeal of hearing 1100 graduates' names read off ("Christina Susan Houck... Robert James McKenna...John Wilkes Booth...Heather Madison Bachmann..." Was I the only one who caught that?).
*Note how Inouye was careful to not mention that Democratic President Roosevelt ordered the internment of the Nisei, while Republican President Reagan was the one who apologized for what Roosevelt did.
Got a text message from my nephew (there were a lot of cell phone calls going back and forth between the bleachers and the cap-and-gown area) - after Inouye's address: "In other words, VOTE DEMOCRATIC!"
A better speech would have made the following points:
1) Beginning tomorrow, you will discover that when your parents told you, "Remember, not everyone loves you as much as we do," they were lying. Nobody loves you as much as they do.
2) Despite everything you heard from all the people in the long robes on the stage today, the sun does not shine out of your ass.
3) You are heading off to save the world. The world doesn't care about your opinions about how it can be saved. The world wants to know if you can get these reports photocopied by 10:30 and whether you can work Saturday.
4) You are headed into a world full of old men and women, many of them as much as twice your age, who are terrified of losing their jobs to someone with no experience but who will do it for half the pay. These people will pull every dirty trick they know - and they know a lot more than you do - to make sure that does not happen.
5) You will discover too late that the "guarantee" of Social Security is nothing of the kind, and about twenty years from now, around the age of 42, you will realize that that brand-new Mustang you bought on credit in 2007 when you were 24 is now rusting in a landfill, while you have nothing in the bank and if you start a serious savings plan and begin saving $1,000 a month, you will have to work until you're approximately age 87 to pay off your own kids' college and your daughters' weddings (pray for sons, who can help you bring in the crops ...)
6) Welcome! We, the older generation, await you with drawn knives.
He spoke of how Americans of Japanese descent were interned during World War II, how President Roosevelt announced that "'Americanism'" (is that a word?) "had nothing to do with race", and that therefore Nisei should be allowed to enlist in the armed forces, which Inouye did, how in 1988, "an apology was issued" to the Nisei,* how the "native Americans" were almost wiped off the face of the earth, and why filibusters are good. Oh, and best wishes for success in your careers. I listened intently for some common theme, some larger point he was going to make to link all this rambling together into a memorable charge to the newest Masters of the Universe as they head off to remake the world, but I listened in vain.
Oh, well, he's eighty years old (that was another point he made), and I guess at that age, you can get your honorary doctorate, say pretty much what you damned well please, then totter off to some pressing engagement without having to sit through the ordeal of hearing 1100 graduates' names read off ("Christina Susan Houck... Robert James McKenna...John Wilkes Booth...Heather Madison Bachmann..." Was I the only one who caught that?).
*Note how Inouye was careful to not mention that Democratic President Roosevelt ordered the internment of the Nisei, while Republican President Reagan was the one who apologized for what Roosevelt did.
Got a text message from my nephew (there were a lot of cell phone calls going back and forth between the bleachers and the cap-and-gown area) - after Inouye's address: "In other words, VOTE DEMOCRATIC!"
A better speech would have made the following points:
1) Beginning tomorrow, you will discover that when your parents told you, "Remember, not everyone loves you as much as we do," they were lying. Nobody loves you as much as they do.
2) Despite everything you heard from all the people in the long robes on the stage today, the sun does not shine out of your ass.
3) You are heading off to save the world. The world doesn't care about your opinions about how it can be saved. The world wants to know if you can get these reports photocopied by 10:30 and whether you can work Saturday.
4) You are headed into a world full of old men and women, many of them as much as twice your age, who are terrified of losing their jobs to someone with no experience but who will do it for half the pay. These people will pull every dirty trick they know - and they know a lot more than you do - to make sure that does not happen.
5) You will discover too late that the "guarantee" of Social Security is nothing of the kind, and about twenty years from now, around the age of 42, you will realize that that brand-new Mustang you bought on credit in 2007 when you were 24 is now rusting in a landfill, while you have nothing in the bank and if you start a serious savings plan and begin saving $1,000 a month, you will have to work until you're approximately age 87 to pay off your own kids' college and your daughters' weddings (pray for sons, who can help you bring in the crops ...)
6) Welcome! We, the older generation, await you with drawn knives.
