Well, it sounds like she's given up to me. This morning she told me, "filling my body with chemicals that produce side effects that need more chemicals that produce side effects that need even more chemicals, is just not working for me anymore, I tried the doctors ways, now its between me and Gd, and a healthier way."
I really don't feel qualified -- either medically or emotionally -- to give her any advice in this situation, but at the same time I feel terrible that she might be giving up on the only chance to keep things in check for any length of time.
I'm sorry that she feels in the position. I know people who have been there, and made the choices they feel suit them best. She needs to know that it is her decision - its her body and she is in control. That's fine - but whatever choice she makes must be an informed one. often it isn't a question of either/or - it is often possible to carry on taking some conventional meds when it becomes absolutely necessary. It may be that she feels so bad from the side effects that a break from treatment will make her feel better - but this honeymoon period is likely to be short-lived.
Try to fully support her and encourage her as much as possible, but also make sure she has information about the other options, and the possible consequenses of her actions. Have you tried to look for HIV/AIDS support groups in her area? Talking through her situation with others who have been there will help.
HIV is a funny disease - the final mode of death and its timing can be quite unpredictable. It differs in this respect from say cancer, where people sometimes reject the option of toxic chemo in order to enjoy their last few months of life, knowing roughly when and how the end will come. Is she religious? Does she feel she is placing matters in god's hands and that he will somehow help her survive, or help her have an uncomplicated end to her life? I'm afraid god is a capricious little bastard at the best of times, particularly so with HIV, and I wouldn't count on his medical help.
Finally, even though she has AIDS, this does not necesarily mean she will necessarily get ill or die soon. Without meds, the average survival from AIDS diagnosis is around 2 years. With meds, I have seen people alive and well up to 20 years later. If your friend has suffered complicated side effects, tried most of the meds on offer and has failed to respond to them adequately, then there may be a case for stopping. But if she has a reasonably high CD4 count, and she has some untried drug options left, then she should consider her decision very carefully.
By way of anecdote, one patient I know had tried everything, even though he developed intolerable side effects to some meds and had to stop them. He had multiresistant HIV, and even the meds he tolerated did not work well. But he hung in there, and when new therapies came along for resistant HIV, he took them and has done brilliantly. The new meds mean he has to inject himself rather like a diabetic, but he is enjoying a new lease of life he thought he would never get back. If he had thrown in the towel and trusted to god a 2 or 3 years ago, he would be dead.
