March Stundie Award Finals (2013 edition)

Vote for the best Stundie of March

  • 1) Lemur rape + humans = sasquatch

    Votes: 17 17.0%
  • 2) I must deny gays before I become one

    Votes: 34 34.0%
  • 3) You wanna take my legs?

    Votes: 18 18.0%
  • 4) "We don't know" means we did it

    Votes: 19 19.0%
  • 5) A mute point

    Votes: 4 4.0%
  • 6) Auschwitz, with a roof!

    Votes: 33 33.0%
  • 7) Hair dryer evidence

    Votes: 26 26.0%
  • 8) No evidence of no evidence

    Votes: 33 33.0%
  • 9) Crazy drunk LBJ and his nukes

    Votes: 19 19.0%
  • 10) Rockets with valves, who knew?

    Votes: 27 27.0%
  • 11) Obama, now with Cleopatra genes

    Votes: 31 31.0%
  • 12) Comets and Popes Oh My!

    Votes: 7 7.0%
  • 13) Pop can silencers

    Votes: 17 17.0%
  • 14) Bacteria embryos

    Votes: 10 10.0%
  • 15) Bioshock pregnant gay men

    Votes: 15 15.0%
  • 16) Orbits, how do they work?

    Votes: 27 27.0%
  • 17) Earth, in need of more CO2

    Votes: 11 11.0%
  • 18) Must. Check. Watch.

    Votes: 9 9.0%
  • 19) Objects must destroy themselves

    Votes: 21 21.0%
  • 20) President classmate

    Votes: 33 33.0%

  • Total voters
    100
  • Poll closed .

Travis

Misanthrope of the Mountains
Joined
Mar 31, 2007
Messages
24,133
Our February winner:

No-one will be surprised how full-on I am.
I believe in hitting the issue head-on & at high speed.

I have protested at the Royal Society where Darwin announced gravity.


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The finalists for March:

~~~1~~~
And now we know how a hippopotamus came to be: a rhinoceros raped a pig.
Can male lemurs breed with humans? According to Ketchum, a 400-500 pound lemur may have bred with a human female to create a hybrid species. This hybridization took place about 15,000 years ago and the theory is that a human female mated with one of the "hairy giants" and gave birth to a new lineage of hominins, a mitochondrial "Eve" for what we now call the Sasquatch.
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~~~2~~~
How could I ever agree with a woman being a woman? That would make me a woman!
And I am a straight male so why should I ever agree with another male being gay? That would make me gay
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~~~3~~~
Now, like what if aliens abducted Ray Charles and took his eyes in exchange for a gift of music then wiped his mind and now suppose he gets those memories back....while in the middle of Warehouse 13!?!
What if Pistorious had formerly been an able bodied athlete who was chosen as a teenager by the Powers That Be to undergo amputation, and be trained to be a great Paralympian as a PR stunt? He would have also undergone mind control, and would have been paired with a glamour model so they could be promoted as a power couple, like Posh and Becks by the msm.
Then what if his programming started to break down?
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~~~4~~~
So, does this mean humans also created dark matter?
When I hear somebody claim "we can't figure out what caused it" I know it means somebody caused it. There are few mysteries in medicine at our level of technology. When a new disease or condition or malady pops up out of thin air, unlike anything known in the history of medicine, you can be sure it a human caused disease.

The conspiracy is the absolute insistence that it is a mystery. Like some new virus or bacteria just pops up like magic, for the first time in human history.

That is bullcraps of the highest order. The big conspiracy seems to be that we are so primitive we can't figure out the cause of something new.
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~~~5~~~
For all intensive purposes this was almost a case of homophonery deceit of malapropriated proportions.
Quite the contrary ... I'd hate to claim "intellectual superiority" but this is a mute point as it appears that certain people here already claimed a complete monopoly on that a long time ago. If that is my tone it's simply a direct result of mirroring the attitude of others
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~~~6~~~
Hey guys, maybe I'm just looking at the bright side of things again but even with all the mass killings and torture going on here at least we don't get rained on when we sleep!
If I had said Auschwitz period than this particular fellow Belgian poster (and some others) would have played the "in Auschwitz they systematically gassed inmates and in American camps for German POWs they at least didn't" card, as if that somehow invalidates the argument that in least in Auschwitz with all the malnourishment they at least had a roof over their head.
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~~~7~~~
This post has convinced me that hurricanes may not be real as I sneeze all the time and never does my door fly off the hinges.
2.Take a hairdryer, put it in full power, put on the table, and walk 5 meters away from it and place some object comparable to a human bone there. Does the hair dryers airpressure move that object? No. You can barely feel the airpressure after few meters.

So one puff of air does not move objects and neither does it have any effect after few meters. We can see this with the towers - nothing solid flies from the impact floors and the puff of smoke travels only few meters.
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~~~8~~~
And it just so happens there is no evidence that I and and Princess Marie are not the same person....make of that what you will.
What evidence do you have to prove there is no evidence? None!!! You got nuthin!!!!
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~~~9~~~
Presidents today just aren't strong like they used to be. Nor as drunk.
Journalists on the campaign trail saw (Lyndon B.) Johnson drunkenly board a plane armed with nuclear weapons and then accidentally drop them on the United States. Luckily, by the grace of God, they did not go off. None of this was reported, while newspapers editors worked in overdrive to portray Goldwater as eager to push the button.
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~~~10~~~
Darn, if only someone would invent a rocket with a valve that could hold back volatiles that would ignite upon mixing with each other.
First, the vacuum of space is a perfect insulator; no sparks are possible. Until 2 electrodes touch in the vacuum of space, no current can pass between them and, when they do touch, they merely close the circuit without a spark. For those skeptics out there, look up the details of a mercury switch and find out why it doesn't spark!

2nd, liquid oxygen and liquid hydrogen cannot exist in the vacuum of space. Thanks to the permanently open hole of the combustion chamber, they immediately become gases that expand to fill the infinity of space (Boyle's law). So, even if a spark were possible, the gases would escape the chamber without ever igniting.
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~~~11~~~
Hey, we have all this DNA from Cleopatra, what should we do with it? Stick it in some girl from Iowa who is shacked up with a Kenyan? Are you sure? Because that was where we stashed the Rockefeller sperm.
BHO was likely born of the seed of Michael Rockefeller and DNA extracted from the sarcophagus of Cleopatra, former two-time Queen of Egypt. There is overwhelming evidence that the technologies to create such a creature existed in Austria as far back as 1926, and was accomplished by 1952. Rockefeller’s faked disappearance in 1961, the alleged year that BHO was born, itself, a sequence of implausible events and cover ups, was designed to prevent anyone from ever learning the truth about available technologies and how those technologies were being used.
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~~~12~~~
Yes, let us plan to have this coincide with something that means absolutely nothing. That'll show 'em!
Yeah the comet plus this [new pope] is just incredibly coincidental and seemingly planned.
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~~~13~~~
And yet when I start shooting a gun with a pop can silencer people are tackling me immediately. If only I could get those Hollywood sound editors to work with me!
sure you can detonate an explosive quietly. What kind of trash is that? Firing a gun touches off an explosive and you can use a pop can to silence it LOL
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~~~14~~~
Wait, "Doctor" we also need to know about virus eggs and fungi pupa!
When Dr Karsch examined the gargled milk-white oil under a microscope with 600 magnification, he saw live organisms swimming in it. It’s poisonous, so never swallow it, he warns. These poisons are bacteria-embryos, which, if not eliminated, cause diseases. Apparently, Dr Karsach cured his own chronic blood disease and 15-year-old arthritis.
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~~~15~~~
So it is the desire of lesbians to have semen in them?
If you want to be gay... be gay. You want to be married... sure, its just a piece of paper. But NO! they want to be considered normal and have normal families. So I don't think it will end there. Next it will be same sex addoption, then same sex gene splicing, and then some new technology that allows men to carry eggs and women have semen. Its a slippery slope, one that could end in bio-shock
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~~~16~~~
If this is what paying attention in your school led to I say that school needs to be burnt down.
Centrifugal force does not come into it, i.e. the fixed orbit around Earth? Only Earth gravity acts on Hubble in fixed orbit! But then it would drop down to Earth at once! Or does Hubble speed away to avoid gravity?
What did you learn at school? Gardening? Cooking? Did you pass?
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~~~17~~~
Strange that the biggest trees, ever, are alive right now in our poor CO2 depleted atmosphere.
You do realise right, that the co2 concentration was thousands of times higher in the dino days than it is today, hence their plants being as big as houses, as co2 is plant food, thats why farmers ad it to tyeir greenhouses, it makes plants grow better. We barely have enough in the atmosohere for plants to conduct photosynthesis right now, we need much more of it.
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~~~18~~~
"Holy crap, is that man flying through the air like Superman? Everyone look at their watch so we all know just when we saw this!"
The technology of today is different than the technology of 2001. And if you recall, the Secretary of Defense had a notes-taker taking hand-written notes on the day of 9/11, so the point of it's "outdated" apparently wasn't memo'ed out in 2001. Besides, I never said that NORAD was infallible. They showed their fallibleness on 9/11. But the point I'm driving home is that 'getting the right timeline' shouldn't and wouldn't be a problem for them, or any military organization. When something happens, people look at their watches.
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~~~19~~~
It's too bad that sport called baseball was never meant to be with all those balls just disintegrating when they hit the bat. Similarly what might have been with soccer if only each kick didn't destroy both foot and ball.
Idea of collision? Like when two object accelerate, hit each other and in;
A) debunker logic turn into dust but keep on accelerating in same direction as they did earlier
Or
B) real life, their motion stops, and all their kinetic energy is used in breaking up their structure...
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~~~20~~~
Yeah, how could those students at Columbia have missed that time traveler from the future that kept telling them the quiet black kid would grow up to be president? What idiots.
You know full well - even if you were retarded - you would still have re-call of the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES HAVING BEEN ONE OF YOUR CLASSMATES - RIGHT?
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I usually try to only vote for three options, but this month, I can't get it to less than five : 4, 6, 7, 10, 16.
 
1, 3, and 11

Because if your theory requires that many leaps of logic/faith/etc. then you may wish to revisit it for something a little simpler with fewer moving parts.
 
Wow. We've had some good months for Stundies, but I think this one just might take the cake, at least within my tenure here. Even the ones I didn't wind up voting for were still pretty good.
 
The amount of concentrated stupid in this months stundies is breath taking.

I usually try to limit my votes to no more than five but this month I had to vote for seven!
2,4,7,11,14,16,20

I do think #2 is in a class by itself.
 
Freaking valves... how do they work?

You have to wonder if that genius has ever taken a shower or flushed his toilet. Probably not.
 
Freaking valves... how do they work?

You have to wonder if that genius has ever taken a shower or flushed his toilet. Probably not.



Yeah, I think that one is ultimately my favorite. There are lots of hard to understand concepts in science and engineering, but valves? Come on, anyone who, as a kid, ever played with snow melt runoff or rain drainage should be able to figure out how valves work!
 
Yeah, I think that one is ultimately my favorite. There are lots of hard to understand concepts in science and engineering, but valves? Come on, anyone who, as a kid, ever played with snow melt runoff or rain drainage should be able to figure out how valves work!

One wonders if these are the kinds of kids that weren't allowed to play outside.
 
With good reason, evidently...

I went with evens - 4, 6, 8, 10, 12, 14 - and then for variety 17, which as someone who deals with plants for a living just left me slackjawed. What with everything from bacteria-embryos to Sleep Away Camp Auschwitz to a perfect circle of circular reasoning in circles, it was quite a month for Stundies.
 
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Clearly this was a very impressive month for Stundies; usually after a relatively small number of voters, there is a clear winner, but not this month. It will be a close finish.
 
Clearly this was a very impressive month for Stundies; usually after a relatively small number of voters, there is a clear winner, but not this month. It will be a close finish.

There's definitely some quality in this month's stundies.
 
I only vote for one (sometimes it's a tough decision).

This month #2 hands down. There's nothing like simplicity when it comes to stupid. ;)
 
#9 could be a movie: Drunk president accidentally drops nukes. The government blackmails Snake Plissken's daughter, Sonora Sidewinder, to recover them.
 
Oh I bet Sonora Sidewinder has tattoos in all the right places.


How about the idea that we could make a baby from Rockefeller and Cleopatra and have it, somehow, look like Obama?
 
#2...wow

I voted for #1 and #2 and the auschwitz one....

the dumz, IT BURNS!!!!!!!!!!!
 
It took great discipline to limit myself to five choices when presented with such a potpourri of Stund. After narrowing the field by eliminating the 9/11-related choices (that's all I voted for in several previous Stundie polls) I went with 1, 2, 9, 11, 14.
 

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