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Lieing to kids

ponderingturtle

Orthogonal Vector
ponderingturtle
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Jul 11, 2006
Messages
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Is telling kids lies like santa and the tooth fairy and so on harmful or helpful in developing a skeptical world view?
 
All joking aside. It's neither. Myths and fantasies are harmless fun. Not teaching them to discover truths about myths and fantasies is harmful. Teaching them to think critically once they are able is helpful.
 
Personally I wouldn't tell them such stories as though they are true. I'd tell them as stories, play pretend, but there's no need to convince them it's reality. Kids are generally fine with a fun story even if they are aware it's just a story. Essentially, I'd treat it like Peter Pan.
 
I've said it on other threads, but I can repeat it here: My parents never lied to me about Santa. My parents are very honest people who have a hard time lying about anything -- a trait I inherited. (Seriously, I suck at lying.) They would label Christmas gifts as being from Santa and so on, but when I was fairly young, I asked my mother whether Santa was real. Her response was that Santa was an idea rather than a person, and they labeled gifts from Santa when they wanted to give something semi-anonymously. So, at that point, it became like a game -- I could be Santa just by writing his name on a gift.

They treated the Tooth Fairy the same way. They never said it was an actual fairy; it was just the name of the tradition where they replaced my tooth with a quarter.

Do I think this contributed to me being a critical thinker? In some ways, yes, but it has more to do with my parents' overall honesty than just these two traditions. My parents are both nerds in that they always want to be right; they'd rather admit not knowing the answer to a question than give an answer that later turns out to be wrong. So, if my sister or I asked a question they couldn't answer, they would become curious as to the real answer, too.

Now that I'm an adult and have seen how my parents interact with their own parents, I see that that's how they were raised, too. Both of them had a parent who was a teacher, and that might have had something to do with it.
 
Phil said:
All joking aside. It's neither. Myths and fantasies are harmless fun. Not teaching them to discover truths about myths and fantasies is harmful. Teaching them to think critically once they are able is helpful.
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The fact that kids grow out of such beliefs might be useful in helping them to understand the nature of superstition and the role of reason in advancing our world view. Perhaps, when a child no longer believes in Santa Claus we can use this as an opportunity to ask:

"OK, so why don't you believe in Santa any more?"

This could be a great way to introduce foundations of critical thinking to youngsters. I've thought often about how I will raise my 18 month old son. I don't simply want to tell him what to think but rather how to think. I was told what to think regarding religion and I had to learn how to think from teachers and writers whom I was, for lack of a better word, fortunate enough to encounter. Even if I tell my son that skepticism is what he should think I'm doing him no better service that I was done as a child.

Believing in Santa as a five year old may help a child to develop a sense of imagination and fantasy, important skills for any good thinker. But talking to him/her about why we know Santa doesn't exist later could open an interesting dialogue.

Steven
 
Forty-Two said:
Do I think this contributed to me being a critical thinker? In some ways, yes, but it has more to do with my parents' overall honesty than just these two traditions. My parents are both nerds in that they always want to be right; they'd rather admit not knowing the answer to a question than give an answer that later turns out to be wrong.
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These are two of the most important qualities of any great thinker. Your folks sound like great people. =0)

Steven
 
Yeah, they are, but there's also the side effect... Have you ever gotten in an argument with someone who hates to be wrong? ;)

I love them both very, very much, though.
 
Foster Zygote said:
Even if I tell my son that skepticism is what he should think I'm doing him no better service that I was done as a child.
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Steve, I really like this bit. Blue2 came with a whole package of religious training, some of which I find dreadful (Sai Baba! I ask you!). However, my telling her that she shouldn't hold those beliefs would be the same as my telling her she should be a Pastafarian. Both Mr.Blue and I have told her to believe what she wants, but to learn about as many religions and beliefs as she can. I think Sai Baba has dropped off the list, mostly due to my inability to control my repugnance, but we bought her some temple supplies for her to do her thing.
 
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