• Quick note - the problem with Youtube videos not embedding on the forum appears to have been fixed, thanks to ZiprHead. If you do still see problems let me know.

Jesus the Undead Zombie

shemp said:
What if, when he was resurrected, Jesus was a Zombie, and walks the Earth even unto this very day, cracking open people's skulls and sucking the brains out? Maybe this would explain Bigfoot?
Click to expand...

That would kick ass!
 
Why would he need to be physically on earth to suck out brains? He does that already, and he's not even around. Now that's talent. I find that so much more impressive than all that amateur, water-to-wine and bread n' fishes stuff. Must have still been a newbie then.
 
Kashyapa said:
Why would he need to be physically on earth to suck out brains? He does that already, and he's not even around. Now that's talent. I find that so much more impressive than all that amateur, water-to-wine and bread n' fishes stuff. Must have still been a newbie then.
Click to expand...

Well, the difference would be you could fight back with a chainsaw and a shotgun, intead of fighting for him. And there's a good reason he'd come back- to end the world, and maybe find the Necronomicon.
 
He wouldn't need to find it, The Necronomicon. He could just order it from Amazon.
;)
 
Kashyapa said:
Why would he need to be physically on earth to suck out brains? He does that already, and he's not even around. Now that's talent. I find that so much more impressive than all that amateur, water-to-wine and bread n' fishes stuff. Must have still been a newbie then.
Click to expand...

Jesus is still around doing the ol' water to wine trick. I have proof!
Stan: I read in the Bible that you did miracles, too. If you could go in front of these people and do your miracles, then, they'll all see that David Blaine isn't so special.

Jesus: The miracle I'm most famous for is turning water into wine.

Stan: Can you do it agian?

Jesus: Very well. I shall perform the miracle. Behold. Here you can see ordinary water, clear, clean. Okay now, turn around. [Stan looks at Jesus quizzically. Jesus is now holding the pitcher] Er, nuh, tur- turn around. [Stan turns away and Jesus quickly switches pitchers] Uh, okay now, turn back. [Stan turns back] It is now wine!

Stan: That's it? That's how you did that trick?

Jesus: Wuh well, yeah.

Stan: That trick sucks, Jesus.

Jesus: Oh. Well, I guess it worked a little better on people 2000 years ago.
Click to expand...
 
Can't you see it now? In bloody letters dripping down the screen:
ATTACK OF THE UNDEAD KILLER MESSIAH!

With a fanged zombie in a robe and sandals below? Maybe the subtitle, "We got your second coming right here, baby!"

c4ts said:


Well, the difference would be you could fight back with a chainsaw and a shotgun, intead of fighting for him. And there's a good reason he'd come back- to end the world, and maybe find the Necronomicon.
Click to expand...
 
That's what you think....oops, did I just type that?
Come to think of it, the last pair of evangelists who came to my door did have a certain pallor to them...maybe I should keep the chainsaw handy.

"Hello, sir, can we have a few minutes of your time? We're from the Jehova's Witnesses"
RRRRrrrrr! RRRRRRRrrrr! "Get back undead fiends!!!!!"

Clearly I'm having far too much fun with this thread. However, tell me that isn't a great mental image.

fishbob said:
It would sure explain televangelists. Too bad you can't fight them with a chainsaw and a shotgun.
Click to expand...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top Bottom