YouBelieveWHAT?
Muse
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2004
- Messages
- 975
In the light of the current interest in a small place called Dover, I think I should like to release a document that recently came into my possession anonymously.
It reads like this:
**** Start of Document *****
Intelligent Design.
Restricted Access – please note that this document must NEVER fall into the hands of the evilutionists. It can only be issued to persons who understand correct Biology – e.g. Lawyers, Reverends, etc.
The past.
We all remember that once upon a time there was something called “Creationism”. As we all know, this states that “God dunnit – yup, God dunnit all” Back then, of course, everything was sweetness and light. However, along came this disciple of Satan called Charles Darwin who invented some lies called “Evilution”. Countless numbers of Scientists immediately declared that this was the truth – however, we all know the reason for this: the main purpose of science is to deny God.
However, we did not falter, much. We then renamed Creationism to “Creation Science”. After all, call something “Science”, and it must by definition be scientific. Now this should have been enough to convince all of these evil scientists, but, alas no. They continued with their heresy.
The Present & Future.
So – we’ve had a think, and come up with the most brilliant idea ever!!!!!
Warning – the following paragraph may contain information that may be shocking you to you, and cause panic attacks. Please don’t worry – as you read further, the sheer brilliance of the plan will convince you of the correctness of the approach. However, it may prove better if you could sit quietly and think calming thoughts for ten minutes before proceeding.
This Brilliant Idea ™ is called – Intelligent Design!!! Now with reduced God!!!
(Please read on quickly before the panic kicks in) Please don’t be alarmed at this statement, as we will clarify it now. What we now state is that everything was created by an “Intelligent Designer”. Now just between us, this really means God, so you see there’s really no need to panic. However, obviously, the ignorant evilutionists won’t be able to make the connection, so we will now be able to giggle at their incomprehension, and amazement at our new Scientific Truth ™.
We will, of course, continue with the tried & tested methods:
Misuse of the word “Theory”.
Continually complain about the fossil record with demands that they produce the missing links. Then state loudly that any gaps, of course, invalidate the whole of Darwinism.
Consistently misquote and quote out of context famous evilutionists, so that they appear to be supporting our cause.
Use complicated scientific sounding words – e.g. “Irreducible Complexity” that our followers will believe because they don’t understand.
Ensure that only old texts are used, in spite of them having been debunked and replaced by more recent studies.
Make sure that we never, ever read analyses by non-Creationist scientists, especially where they claim that we’re wrong, as they’re doing the Devil’s work.
Only use the term “Intelligent Designer” – “nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!”
So – Rejoice!!! there you have it – a plan for establishing ID in Dover, closely to be followed by the complete take-over of Biology in the US. Next – Astronomy and other pseudo-sciences that deny God, and later the godless wasteland of Europe!!!
With such towering intellects as George Dubya Bush on our side, how can we fail!!!
**** end of document ****
Well, there you have it, and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it – do you think I ought to add a disclaimer for fundies named Bubba to the effect that “by the way, this meant to be a parody”? Perhaps I should also add a definition of parody?
But what do you think?
YBW
It reads like this:
**** Start of Document *****
Intelligent Design.
Restricted Access – please note that this document must NEVER fall into the hands of the evilutionists. It can only be issued to persons who understand correct Biology – e.g. Lawyers, Reverends, etc.
The past.
We all remember that once upon a time there was something called “Creationism”. As we all know, this states that “God dunnit – yup, God dunnit all” Back then, of course, everything was sweetness and light. However, along came this disciple of Satan called Charles Darwin who invented some lies called “Evilution”. Countless numbers of Scientists immediately declared that this was the truth – however, we all know the reason for this: the main purpose of science is to deny God.
However, we did not falter, much. We then renamed Creationism to “Creation Science”. After all, call something “Science”, and it must by definition be scientific. Now this should have been enough to convince all of these evil scientists, but, alas no. They continued with their heresy.
The Present & Future.
So – we’ve had a think, and come up with the most brilliant idea ever!!!!!
Warning – the following paragraph may contain information that may be shocking you to you, and cause panic attacks. Please don’t worry – as you read further, the sheer brilliance of the plan will convince you of the correctness of the approach. However, it may prove better if you could sit quietly and think calming thoughts for ten minutes before proceeding.
This Brilliant Idea ™ is called – Intelligent Design!!! Now with reduced God!!!
(Please read on quickly before the panic kicks in) Please don’t be alarmed at this statement, as we will clarify it now. What we now state is that everything was created by an “Intelligent Designer”. Now just between us, this really means God, so you see there’s really no need to panic. However, obviously, the ignorant evilutionists won’t be able to make the connection, so we will now be able to giggle at their incomprehension, and amazement at our new Scientific Truth ™.
We will, of course, continue with the tried & tested methods:
Misuse of the word “Theory”.
Continually complain about the fossil record with demands that they produce the missing links. Then state loudly that any gaps, of course, invalidate the whole of Darwinism.
Consistently misquote and quote out of context famous evilutionists, so that they appear to be supporting our cause.
Use complicated scientific sounding words – e.g. “Irreducible Complexity” that our followers will believe because they don’t understand.
Ensure that only old texts are used, in spite of them having been debunked and replaced by more recent studies.
Make sure that we never, ever read analyses by non-Creationist scientists, especially where they claim that we’re wrong, as they’re doing the Devil’s work.
Only use the term “Intelligent Designer” – “nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more!”
So – Rejoice!!! there you have it – a plan for establishing ID in Dover, closely to be followed by the complete take-over of Biology in the US. Next – Astronomy and other pseudo-sciences that deny God, and later the godless wasteland of Europe!!!
With such towering intellects as George Dubya Bush on our side, how can we fail!!!
**** end of document ****
Well, there you have it, and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it – do you think I ought to add a disclaimer for fundies named Bubba to the effect that “by the way, this meant to be a parody”? Perhaps I should also add a definition of parody?
But what do you think?
YBW
