I got a religion and philosophy for ya!

c4ts

Philosopher
C
Joined
Jul 17, 2002
Messages
8,420
Made it up myself. Don't worry, it's woo woo on purpose.

1. The year is 4089 a.d. I exist as a hallucinating brain in a jar. The entire world is one big hallucination.

2. I am part of a science experiment. The purpose of the experiment is to keep me hallucinating. If I ever stop hallucinating and awaken, the experiment is over, and I am terminated.

3. All chemical reactions that affect my brain are real and can really damage me, except for the tightly controlled default hallucinogen which constitutes "reality." However, the introduction of these chemicals is controlled by a computer which can read my thoughts, and brooks no interference from the scientists recording my reactions. If the computer were to be shut off, I would stop hallucinating and therefore die.

4. The hallucinogens are extremely well designed and psychoresponsive. After all, it's the year 4089. This is so I can't hallucinate anything unusual through the default drug. If I did, then I would wake up and be terminated. That means no paranormal.

5. If I "die" while hallucinating, then I awaken. If I awaken, I am terminated. Therefore hallucinatory death is real death.

6. Finding out the purpose of the experiment will not result in awakening, as long as it does not turn the hallucination into a lucid dreamlike state. A lucid state would negate the effects of the drugs, causing me to wake up and die. Sorry, no Matrix.

7. Everybody else is either another brain in a similar situation as part of the experiment or just a p-zombie. They just don't know it because they're p-zombies.

Okay, that concludes the philosophical part. Now for the religious part:

1. There is only one way to remain in the experiment and have lucid dream powers over other brains and p-zombies. That way is through me.

2. That way is through me, since I am a half-computer, half-human cyber-entity designed to better communicate with the scientists in control and you guys. I can bargain with them.

3. The easiest way to start this lucid state is to rid yourself of your material posessions. Prefferably if you give them to me, because I can turn them into guns and weapons and stuff for fighting the guys who want to end the grand experiment.

4. If you can't see me doing anything unsusual even though I really am, it is because you cannot reach my state of consciousness and have to learn to overcome your body's crude demands.

5. Wait. Why does turning this into a religion become my bid for world domination?

6. Xenu has to fit into this somehow. Hmmm... on second thought, I'll just scrap the whole thing and go with Logical Deism.

7. I'm sane. Really.
 
Ok... sure... why not?

Only one question. Where are the Gravitons in all this?
 
Obviously Xenu is the ignorant janitor who watches over the jar. He is falling toward the jar, proppeled by he godess's gravitons. We're all doomed.

Unless you read Chick tracs of course, and do away with all immoral sex and that sort of thing.

Or you shoot yourself in the knee and sacrifice thirty two brain MONKEES.
 
RonSceptic said:


Not easy.
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Agreed. I rarely walk out on movies and I didn't on The Matrix - but I can assure you that I was pretty darn close when it became evident that we humans are in fact nothing but batteries!!! If anyone hasn't seen the movie and I just spoiled it - well, frankly my dear I don't give a solipsistic rat's behind. Take if from me (normally an adherent of the Sci Fi genre) - you are better off not watching that junk.

A question for c4ts - you have "got a religion and philosophy" what for us?
 
Gee, and to think I worry about how people react when I tell them I'm a unicorn...

Thanks, c4ts, for making me seem normal!
 
Since Teller uses it, I'm not ashamed to admit I remember it too

There were green alligators, and long necked geese,
Some humpty-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as your born,
The loveliest of all was the Unicorn.
 
whitefork said:
Since Teller uses it, I'm not ashamed to admit I remember it too

There were green alligators, and long necked geese,
Some humpty-back camels and some chimpanzees,
Some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as your born,
The loveliest of all was the Unicorn.
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And since we seem to be in the Chieftain's territory...

Any and all suggestions that unicorns missed the Ark and therefore drowned (hence their alleged extinction) are completely untrue. Unicorns are intelligent and resourceful creatures who needed no help from some old guy and his leaky, smelly boat.

Got questions about unicorns? Ask me... I've wasted considerable time and scholarship on the subject!
 
Can they be captured only by virgins?

How accurate is the depiction on the tapestries hanging in the Cloisters?

Does the spiral on the horn go clockwise or anticlockwise?

Species and genus?
 
whitefork said:
Can they be captured only by virgins?
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The whole virgin-capture story was a Chuch of Rome whitewash, concocted to hijack and figuratively emasculate a rather bawdy folktale. All the business about "purtiy" and "innocence" comes from sex-phobic priests; the actuality is that unicorns usually prefer more-experienced partners (those poor little virgins are always so SCARED), and also, they're not terribly picky about species or gender.
Setting a virgin in a clearing is a poor way to catch a unicorn, but a great way to lose a virgin.


How accurate is the depiction on the tapestries hanging in the Cloisters?
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It's pretty close, but the unicorn (ostensibly a stallion) is shown as possessing no primary sexual characteristics (this happens a LOT, really). Go find a horse to stare at; you'll soon understand the magnitude of this omission.
There's a wonderful book (out of print, alas) on those tapestries, titled "The Oak King, the Holly King, and the Unicorn", by a fellow named Williamson. It's a great dissection of the symbolism involved.
Oh- I should mention: unicorns aren't always white.


Does the spiral on the horn go clockwise or anticlockwise?
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That depends on which hemisphere you're in.


Species and genus?
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Mine? "Unicornis americansis vulgaris"! :p
 
Here's one that has bugged me:

Sometimes unicorns are depicted with cloven hoves. Do unicorns in fact have cloven hoves? If so, it would suggest affinities to the artidactolates (spelling terrible), but if in fact they have single hoves, or hoves of odd number, it would suggest a far more sensible relation to perisodactylates (spelling once again), ie. horses.
 
neutrino_cannon said:
Here's one that has bugged me:

Sometimes unicorns are depicted with cloven hoves. Do unicorns in fact have cloven hoves? If so, it would suggest affinities to the artidactolates (spelling terrible), but if in fact they have single hoves, or hoves of odd number, it would suggest a far more sensible relation to perisodactylates (spelling once again), ie. horses.
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Although unicorns are morphologically similar to the perissodactylates, they in fact have cloven hooves. MUCH more useful for handling beer bottles, cigarettes, and roach clips, you see.
 
Hello everyone. I am c4ts' son, from the future. 1012.3 years in the future to be exact. I come with sad news. In my time, all those who have not gained a lucid state were terminated. If you want to know whether or not you will successfully gain your lucid dream state, all you need to do is give me some more of your material possesions. I will use these possesions to find a resonance with your brain and determine if you have achieved the lucid state by my time. If you have not, don't despair. I can help you change history, since for you it's still the future, and ensure that you will gain the lucid state before your plug is pulled. All you have to do is follow me.
 
This is great stuff.

Now, I know that not all the equines can be ridden - zebras, for instance are completely hopeless - can the unicorn be ridden?
 
I would at this time like to apologize for hijacking this thread. It wasn't intentional; it just sort of spun out of control.
 
whitefork said:
This is great stuff.
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And just BEGGING to be BorBed!


Now, I know that not all the equines can be ridden - zebras, for instance are completely hopeless - can the unicorn be ridden?
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Yes, but have some class: at the very least, treat her to a romantic dinner and a movie first.
 
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