Listen up, Abebe, because I'm going to give you something far more valuable than "78 cents a day." It's a lesson that consists of two simple elements: Hard work and personal responsibility. That's it. You think it was easy being born into a rich country? You just try. Oh wait, you did try and failed miserably. Perhaps you deserve a miserable fate. Or I dunno, maybe God chose me. Why did you have to piss off God, Abebe? Whatever the case, it's all your own fault and don't for a second to transfer blame on to others for your own mistakes. Besides, you have no idea the crap us rich people have to tolerate on a daily basis. Other rich people, though not quite as rich, get really jealous. *Really* jealous. Then the ususal demogogues incite class warfare and I'm liable to get distracted from the Monday night's game. Don't get me wrong, I'm elated that I don't have to physically push away your money grubbing hands (which are probably in dire need of a manicure), but dealing with the prying paws of govmit' is chore of unfathomable-proportions. I could continue on blah blah blah, but who are we kidding? You'll probably be dead in two years anyway. Trust me, I don't want that to happen (and I'm glad I won't see it happen). Seeing an actual person actually die could really spoil my evening. The only reason why I took a break from the "Friends" marathon on TBS (that Chandler cracks me up every time! Plus Rachel is smokin' hot!) was to help you escape poverty. I'm a giver. Remember the formula for success: hard work plus personal responsibility = unlimited riches.
Your unconscionably wealthy friend,