Has Jack Chick been raptured away?

[Upchurch]

Because I enjoy mindless stupidity as much as the next guy, I tend to frequent Jack Chick's website from time to time to catch the nutty fundy wackyness. For the last week or so, there has been a note promising a new tract on January 2nd. It's the second, so I thought I'd go see the new hate-filled zany-ness.

But, what do I see when I get there? Nothing! The site is down! There can only be one conclusion: The rapture has happened and not only has Jack Chick been taken away in the rapture, but so has his entire website!

He told us this time would come and we only mocked him. Now, please exuse me while I go check the "Yes, I want to be saved by Jesus" box and crawl around on the floor like an idiot to try to convince our loving lord Jesus (who oddly has no face) to not toss me in a lake of fire while quoting scripture at me.

 

[Keneke]

Perhaps his server was overloaded by the masses of fundies coming to see his new masterpiece?

 

[Upchurch]

Perhaps his server was overloaded by the masses of fundies coming to see his new masterpiece?

No, no, no. That doesn't fit with my rapture theory so it must be wrong. The masses of fundies who would have gone to see his masterpiece would agree with me, so I know I'm right.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Can you provide biblical support for your suggestion that the websites of the raptured will also be raptured?

Thanks.

 

[Upchurch]

Can you provide biblical support for your suggestion that the websites of the raptured will also be raptured?

No, but I've reasoned it out and it's logical so that must be what's happened. And I'm not lying so it's gotta be the truth.

 

[Keneke]

Can you provide biblical support for your suggestion that the websites of the raptured will also be raptured?

Thanks.

Californians (Paul's letter to Californians) Chapter 6

8 You shall know a man by his works, whether by plowing or coding, and the fruit of his labors shall be with him the rest of his days, even unto Heaven.

9 Even as God takes you into his arms, so shall your labors be taken, for if you throw a brick at the back of Shirley's head, does it not disappear from your sight as you die?

10 So I say: if a man's labor exists after his death, then he is not within my arms. Weep not for Elvis, but rather for the joyous tongues of those whose works have forever been erased from the earth and all knowledge. You shall know them again in heaven.

 

[Lord Emsworth]

But, what do I see when I get there? Nothing! The site is down! There can only be one conclusion: The rapture has happened and not only has Jack Chick been taken away in the rapture, but so has his entire website!

But the page is up again.

That leaves only two conclusions:

a) The EAC has taaken over the site and slightly modified it into a tool of satan

b) God moves in mysterious ways

 

[TruthSeeker]

Surely, my dear Keneke, you are aware that most serious biblical scholars (i.e. the ones I agree with) suggest that Californians was not in fact written by Paul. Furthermore, they have argued, quite convincingly, that later transcribers have made unauthorized insertions and deletions to the text. Most serious of these is the idea that one's works are an important part of salvation. Salvation is about Grace. And Grace alone. Don't tell me you're one of those demon-cursed papists????

Furthermore, are you really suggesting that when we are raptured all our work tools (tractors, plows, computers, scalpels) will be going with us? Where is there space for this in heaven? I ain't working in heaven so taking all those tools is wasteful. Are you suggesting the Lord is wasteful?

I believe the Good Brother Chick has been taken to the dark side and his website made unavailable by the devil. He's blocking the message, brother. It's his latest feeble attempt to stop the saving of souls!

Amen.

Praise Be.

And pass the donuts.

 

[Upchurch]

Re: Re: Has Jack Chick been raptured away?

But the page is up again.

Once I read this far, I stopped to go check this claim out for myself (skepticism and all that). Having confirmed that it is back up, I immedately jumped to the same conclusion that you did:

a) The EAC has taaken over the site and slightly modified it into a tool of satan

It is the only possible explination for it being January 2 and still there is no update. Why is there no update? Jack Chick has been raptured. Case closed.

edited to add:
Plus, you'll notice that it didn't come back online until after I had announced Jack's disappearance here on this board. Coincidence? I think not!

 

[Keneke]

Furthermore, are you really suggesting that when we are raptured all our work tools (tractors, plows, computers, scalpels) will be going with us? Where is there space for this in heaven? I ain't working in heaven so taking all those tools is wasteful. Are you suggesting the Lord is wasteful?

Yes. If a work you have done remains behind, I know you'll be burning in hell. In advance, I am very sorry, I am sure hell hurts, and your disbelief has been noted. I'll pray for you.

Do you know why the history of pop music is so sinful? Because all of the righteous music disappears upon the performer's death; it is wiped from our minds and memories. And yes, Handel's Messiah is a piece of idolatric trash.

 

[Upchurch]

Do you know why the history of pop music is so sinful? Because all of the righteous music disappears upon the performer's death; it is wiped from our minds and memories.

The only reason we still have most of the Beatles' stuff is because of Lennon's "Bigger than Jesus" crack. Ironically, he saved us his music while losing his soul.

 

[Andonyx]

Re: Re: Re: Has Jack Chick been raptured away?

edited to add:
Plus, you'll notice that it didn't come back online until after I had announced Jack's disappearance here on this board. Coincidence? I think not!

Obviously it was your act of conscious observation that made it so.

 

[Upchurch]

whew

edited to add:
Odd little underaged lesbian twist there at the end...

 

[Keneke]

The only reason we still have most of the Beatles' stuff is because of Lennon's "Bigger than Jesus" crack. Ironically, he saved us his music while losing his soul.

"Imagine no religion" - Lennon
"Imagine no Lennon" - God

 

[phildonnia]

Because I enjoy mindless stupidity as much as the next guy, I tend to frequent Jack Chick's website from time to time to catch the nutty fundy wackyness.

I wish I could remember the post, but someone on this forum has given a name to our pain: "Skepticomacochism".

 

[Lord Emsworth]

whew

edited to add:
Odd little underaged lesbian twist there at the end...

How subtle and clever of the EAC!

Substituting the Word Of God with a ridiculous Straw Man version that is virtually bound to drive all the unsaved deeper into their folly and, perhaps, causing righteous believers to stumble.

How vicious and evil!

 

[Marc]

Re: Re: Has Jack Chick been raptured away?

I wish I could remember the post, but someone on this forum has given a name to our pain: "Skepticomacochism".

Might have been one of mine. Not the origin of the term, but I have done my part in spreading it around here. A name for whatever that urge is that drives skeptics to visit the hights of stupidity when they know they will be disgusted by it.

 

[NightG1]

I wonder if it went "WHHHOOOOSSSHHHH!!!!!" like in his tracts. I always wondered what the sound of the rapture would be and now, thanks to Jack, I know.

 

[Upchurch]

I wonder if it went "WHHHOOOOSSSHHHH!!!!!" like in his tracts. I always wondered what the sound of the rapture would be and now, thanks to Jack, I know.

Well, assuming that one simply vanished rather than rising up into the heavens, wouldn't it be more of a popping sound as the air rushed in to occupy the space the "rapturee" formally occupied? Whooshing usually occurs when gas is pushed through a small oppening.

Not even Jack can get them all right, I suppose.

 

[Kopji]

Behold the new 2004 tract titled - Stealth Religion (Everything is a Religion)

Better gird up our loins.