Grief and the Side-Effects Construed to be Paranormal (Personal Observations).

[Axxman300]

My mother died in late March after a long decline from dementia. It's been rough on every level. I'm alone having to deal with hospitals, coroner's office, and unscrupulous mortuaries. Took a while but things are straightened out. And while the end was inevitable the truth is you're never ready to get that phone call, I don't care who you are.

To the point:

This kind of grief is new to me. It can be overwhelming at times, and it hangs with you like a bad odor from clothes you can't remove. I'm aware that in that first two-week span I was half consciously present, and half deep in my head. The result of this has been a handful of incidents that someone without my background as a paranormal investigator would deem "Contact from the Other Side". Twice I've heard my name called. One was male voice during the day time. I suspect it came from outside the house (homes are close together here), and was likely a coincidence. The second time was my mother's voice, but it was around 06:00, and I was in twilight sleep. The past four years I've been hardwired for light sleeping to respond to my mother's calls for assistance. I suspect this was nothing more than a dream.

The idea that grief rips a hole into that part of the brain where vivid memories are stored which allows things to involuntarily bubble up unannounced makes sense. In the non-weird parts of this event those memories flood my head as I clean out mom's stuff from the dresser, and shelves. I'm not a doctor, and have no education in psychology or psychiatry, so these are just my observations as an experienced, now skeptical ghost hunter. In my head I heard both voices clear as day, but each source was different with the second being generated by my mind.

And I'll end with a funny note. After mom died I canceled the satellite TV service, and unplugged the TV set to save on the electric bill. For a while I'd occasionally hear the TV on, and I'd check to find it still unplugged. Turns out that since I'm now the only one in the house, and without the TV things are much quieter than before. This means I am hearing new sounds which were once drowned out by the TV noise. In this specific case the sound of the TV was actually my digestive system at work, and this still makes me smile.

Just think this might be useful to someone else.

 

[novaphile]

My sincere condolences, hang in there, you'll get through this.

The little I've read, and experienced, about auditory hallucinations, suggests that sounds you've heard often, are more available to be played back by the brain.

I still occasionally hear and remember my father saying: "Brush your teeth", typically late in the evening, just before I go to bed.

I asked him about it, when I was in my twenties, and he said something like: "You should remember that, I said it every night for the first ten years of your life."



These days, it's more common for me to hear a 'message received' alert from my phone, when one hasn't been received.

This is probably because I'm on alert (especially in the wee small hours) for a message generated by a neighbour's personal alarm in case she falls or gets stuck somewhere.

I would like to respectfully suggest, that you'll be in that 'alert status' expecting calls from your mother for quite some time, and your brain helpfully interpreting some other sound as being from your mother, just in case.

It's been a long time since my mother died, and I still have the impulse to remember things, because 'Mum would like to hear about that' and I'm making a note to tell her, later in the day, when she calls...

I'm guessing that will stop one day.

 

[PitPat]

My mother died in late March after a long decline from dementia. It's been rough on every level. I'm alone having to deal with hospitals, coroner's office, and unscrupulous mortuaries. Took a while but things are straightened out. And while the end was inevitable the truth is you're never ready to get that phone call, I don't care who you are.

To the point:

This kind of grief is new to me. It can be overwhelming at times, and it hangs with you like a bad odor from clothes you can't remove. I'm aware that in that first two-week span I was half consciously present, and half deep in my head. The result of this has been a handful of incidents that someone without my background as a paranormal investigator would deem "Contact from the Other Side". Twice I've heard my name called. One was male voice during the day time. I suspect it came from outside the house (homes are close together here), and was likely a coincidence. The second time was my mother's voice, but it was around 06:00, and I was in twilight sleep. The past four years I've been hardwired for light sleeping to respond to my mother's calls for assistance. I suspect this was nothing more than a dream.

The idea that grief rips a hole into that part of the brain where vivid memories are stored which allows things to involuntarily bubble up unannounced makes sense. In the non-weird parts of this event those memories flood my head as I clean out mom's stuff from the dresser, and shelves. I'm not a doctor, and have no education in psychology or psychiatry, so these are just my observations as an experienced, now skeptical ghost hunter. In my head I heard both voices clear as day, but each source was different with the second being generated by my mind.

And I'll end with a funny note. After mom died I canceled the satellite TV service, and unplugged the TV set to save on the electric bill. For a while I'd occasionally hear the TV on, and I'd check to find it still unplugged. Turns out that since I'm now the only one in the house, and without the TV things are much quieter than before. This means I am hearing new sounds which were once drowned out by the TV noise. In this specific case the sound of the TV was actually my digestive system at work, and this still makes me smile.

Just think this might be useful to someone else.

I hear you brother and you have my sympathies. My dad suffered from dementia for about two years before he was unable to breathe by himself. My mom called me at work to take him to the hospital (not sure why not 911). He was slumping over the kitchen table trying to eat a banana.

It's hard to see your dad in that state. I took care of him a lot when my mom needed some respite. We watched Sonics games together - which he took me to a lot as a kid - and he seemed to enjoy watching them with me but often went off on incoherent tangents.

At the hospital, they put him on a respirator and said there's really not a good chance of surviving. My mom and I went to the the parking lot and discussed - I had quit smoking at the time but asked for a cigarette since she still did. We decided it was time and allowed them to pull the plug, or so to speak.

He had tried to write down a note for me on a scrap of paper that said, barely legibly, "You're a good kid MIke." I still have it. And asked to take my mom out to dinner. He was scared and in some agony. At least we were both holding holding his hands as he flatlined. Not sure it it makes it any better, but I like to think it did.

Glad you can find some humor in tragic circumstances.

 

[Orphia Nay]

The past four years I've been hardwired for light sleeping to respond to my mother's calls for assistance. I suspect this was nothing more than a dream.

Sympathies and condolences to you. Poor sleep can cause mild to severe symptoms such as hearing voices. Was your sleep also worse during her final days? Has your sleep been improving at all since your mother died?

 

[PitPat]

I have had some auditory hallucinations in the past; they've gone silent now. It was mostly chatter of a lot of people talking in a background but nothing I could really make out.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, unless they're telling you to do something.

 

[Vixen]

Many commiserations, Axxman300. Hang on in there. Go with the flow. If you think you heard your mother's voice or the television, relax and let it pass.

 

[Axxman300]

Sympathies and condolences to you. Poor sleep can cause mild to severe symptoms such as hearing voices. Was your sleep also worse during her final days? Has your sleep been improving at all since your mother died?

No, my sleep in the weeks before she passed was better as she was in the hospital.

I suspect that the nature of grief is complex psychologically as you go about your daily routine with part of your mind being somewhere else. Things get better with time. I haven't had any more experiences, although I am waiting for that one dream most people have where it's so real you don't know it's a dream until it ends. I had one long ago a few weeks after my grandfather passed away where I heard him - as saw him - walk into my bedroom to check on me before bedtime. The only reason I knew it was a dream was I cannot see my bedroom door from my bed as the view is blocked by a bookcase.

I'm doing okay. Thanks for the kind words, everyone.

 

[P.J. Denyer]

My condolences. Minor hallucinations are absolutely normal and in the newly quiet environment you're likely to notice them more. One morning recently I was lying in bed, half asleep with my hand out from under the covers and I distinctly felt my dog lick my hand (as is his habit on his way back to his bed after waking my wife to make his breakfast). He wasn't there though, he came up about ten minutes later. Bert's going strong and hopefully will continue to do so for a long time yet, but had we lost him it would certainly have felt like he'd come back to visit, even realising it wasn't 'real' it would be heartbreaking.

I have no prayers, but my thoughts are with you at this difficult time.

 

[Darat]

I’ve always said this is one of the reasons people “see” ghosts.

And it is very easy to attribute coincidence to agency. My mother died last Saturday at home in her bed. (Her body had been picked up.) That evening I went into her room and for more light switched on her bedside lamp and the bulb blew. We all laughed and said it was obviously a sign. No we don’t think it was any kind of sign but if you were that way inclined it would be easy to enfold that into some story of spirits and the like.

 

[P.J. Denyer]

I’ve always said this is one of the reasons people “see” ghosts.

And it is very easy to attribute coincidence to agency. My mother died last Saturday at home in her bed. (Her body had been picked up.) That evening I went into her room and for more light switched on her bedside lamp and the bulb blew. We all laughed and said it was obviously a sign. No we don’t think it was any kind of sign but if you were that way inclined it would be easy to enfold that into some story of spirits and the like.

My sympathies to you as well.

 

[Darat]

Thanks.

 

[Orphia Nay]

I’ve always said this is one of the reasons people “see” ghosts.

And it is very easy to attribute coincidence to agency. My mother died last Saturday at home in her bed. (Her body had been picked up.) That evening I went into her room and for more light switched on her bedside lamp and the bulb blew. We all laughed and said it was obviously a sign. No we don’t think it was any kind of sign but if you were that way inclined it would be easy to enfold that into some story of spirits and the like.

My sympathies to you, dear Darat.

 

[PitPat]

I’ve always said this is one of the reasons people “see” ghosts.

And it is very easy to attribute coincidence to agency. My mother died last Saturday at home in her bed. (Her body had been picked up.) That evening I went into her room and for more light switched on her bedside lamp and the bulb blew. We all laughed and said it was obviously a sign. No we don’t think it was any kind of sign but if you were that way inclined it would be easy to enfold that into some story of spirits and the like.

Damn dude, my sympathies as well. I was with my mom when she passed in home hospice (lung cancer). She had hallucinations about many of the the things that were going on her head she was talking about, which was mostly about people she grew up with. I had to cut up the bags of drip fentanyl she was on as I was her home caregiver at the time - put them in the garbage disposal, My sister was an opioid addict and she was kind of pissed at me for getting rid of it.

I was vegetarian at the time and went out to get Arby's for my sister and her two best friends after it was final. First time I ate meat in about 5 years and it was delicious.

Maybe not a great story, eating Arby's about three feet from your dead mom before funeral home employees arrived to take her away, but that's what happened.

 

[novaphile]

Damn dude, my sympathies as well. I was with my mom when she passed in home hospice (lung cancer). She had hallucinations about many of the the things that were going on her head she was talking about, which was mostly about people she grew up with. I had to cut up the bags of drip fentanyl she was on as I was her home caregiver at the time - put them in the garbage disposal, My sister was an opioid addict and she was kind of pissed at me for getting rid of it.

I was vegetarian at the time and went out to get Arby's for my sister and her two best friends after it was final. First time I ate meat in about 5 years and it was delicious.

Maybe not a great story, eating Arby's about three feet from your dead mom before funeral home employees arrived to take her away, but that's what happened.

My father went through that stuff towards the end too.

Lots of visits from dead relatives, people walking through the walls, etc.

One of the staff from the hospice told me that they believed that this was the brain getting ready for death, perhaps telling itself comforting stories.

That coupled with the tendency for early memories becoming richer and more accessible as we age.

 

[8enotto]

I was told before my father died he had fairly bad dementia, as did his parents.

But a notable change was he stopped caring only about his religion and ultimately his salvation. He started to talk more of friends and family as he imagined them..
Even long divorced mom said he was a far more pleasant person at the end.

 

[Vixen]

I’ve always said this is one of the reasons people “see” ghosts.

And it is very easy to attribute coincidence to agency. My mother died last Saturday at home in her bed. (Her body had been picked up.) That evening I went into her room and for more light switched on her bedside lamp and the bulb blew. We all laughed and said it was obviously a sign. No we don’t think it was any kind of sign but if you were that way inclined it would be easy to enfold that into some story of spirits and the like.

My condolences in your time of sorrow.

 

[Vixen]

My 'paranormal' post death 'ghost' story is as follows.

When my mother died a few years ago, she was in her nineties and had been suffering from heart failure for a few years but was otherwise fit for her age and lived independently at home with my stepfather as her carer. She begin to stop eating and not taking her various tablets so it wasn't a big surprise when I got the phone call that she had died suddenly whilst at the health centre, having been rushed there by my stepfather. Nonetheless, I went into shock. As I raced down to the post office to take out some foreign currency for my immediate flight to Finland, I became conscious I was covered in a cold sweat. I arrived quite late at night as the whole thing was a ten-hour journey as they lived remotely in the countryside and I needed connecting flights. Event no. 1. As I walked towards the health centre next morning with my stepfather (they have a hospice and mortuary there) it was a bright crisp morning (late October) when suddenly two beautiful whooper swans flew immediately over our heads. I turned to my stepfather who was in sombre mood but he hadn't noticed. Okay, so such is the beauty of nature and the ability to lift one's spirits. But I saw it as a kind of message, crazy though that sounds.

Event no. 2 was after my stepfather's death a couple of years later of prostate cancer which he'd had for decades but turned into bone cancer and had been in a hospice. I came back after the funeral service a couple of weeks later to bury the ashes next to my mother, after which I returned to the now lonely summer cottage which they had begun living in full time, with fields on two sides, and forest at the back and on the other side. Long dirt track road of several kilometres. No street lights. But anyway, I put the front door on the latch at night, as per usual, even though there's really no-one around. The neighbours some distance away. I even got drunk on a bottle of champagne before retiring for the night (I am not really a drinker otherwise). Then, at about 6:00am I was awakened with a jolt by the front door slamming, as if someone had just come in or gone out. Being designed as a timber-framed Swiss-Alp style chalet, this shook the floor perceptibly as well. I was really shocked, being in the middle of nowhere, wondering whether I had forgotten to put the door on the latch but of course it was locked - as had been apparent from the noise the door made as it slammed shut. When not on the latch the door shutting doesn't make the same definitive noise. I wondered whether someone, perhaps a cousin or other visitor, had somehow come in and then left again on realising I was asleep in bed. But I never did find out who slammed the door shut so forcibly and it has perplexed me ever since!

If it was an auditory hallucination it was very real. The only other time I have had an auditory hallucination was when I was about eight or nine and home in bed with mumps. Everybody else was out at work or at school. I was staring at the wall paper bored stiff, lying in bed and then presently, I heard voices coming from downstairs. I assumed people had come home so, on making my way downstairs, was really really disconcerted to discover there was no-one there! I was home alone. But I was in a fever so I understood the trick of the mind on that occasion. Likewise, after a long flight across the Atlantic Ocean going from west to east back to London and feeling incredibly jet-lagged, as I met my boyfriend - later my husband - at the station and then going back to stay with him at his digs in Guildford, (where he was a student at Surrey uni), I distinctly saw a black cat go streaking by out of the periphery of my eye, in his room. Looking around, there was no cat anywhere, black or otherwise, so I began to realise it was an illusion caused by extreme tiredness and west - east travel against the clock, albeit very strange at the time.


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[Axxman300]

I’ve always said this is one of the reasons people “see” ghosts.

And it is very easy to attribute coincidence to agency. My mother died last Saturday at home in her bed. (Her body had been picked up.) That evening I went into her room and for more light switched on her bedside lamp and the bulb blew. We all laughed and said it was obviously a sign. No we don’t think it was any kind of sign but if you were that way inclined it would be easy to enfold that into some story of spirits and the like.

That's rough. I'm sorry for your loss.

And you're right about attributing coincidence to agency. This is primary factor I learned to listen for during the interview phase of an investigation. Grandma's sock drawer jammed so it must be a sign. Not wood swelling due to leaving the windows open to air out the room. And my opinion has always been that if this kind of thing brings someone peace over a lost loved one, I'm happy to let it go. and give them their ghost story. On the other hand, if they write a book, and start charging for lectures...

 

[wasapi]

After my partner, the Love of my life committed suicide 8yrs ago, these types of hallucinations started right away. Hearing my name. seeing him fleetingly, For the following 6 weeks after his death there were 3 knocks at the door, but no one there.
Yeah it is easy to 'go-there' while in deep grief.

 

[Ernie M]

Axxman300, my deep condolences on your mother's passing. Thank you for sharing what you are going through. My thoughts are with you.