Graphic Language/Situations in the Bible

Checkmite

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I sometimes think it is fun to apply those standards fundamentalist xians insist we adhere to, to the Bible. You can search through, and find material that, written elsewhere, would draw an outcry. For example, take this interesting little verse:

Isaiah 36:12
But Rabshakeh said, Hath my master sent me to thy master and to thee to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men that sit upon the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you?

Isn't that lovely?

How about some other examples?
 
Genesis 34, AKA 'The Pecker Chopper Massacre'. (My favorite.)
24 All the men who went out of the city gate agreed with Hamor and his son Shechem, and every male in the city was circumcised.

25 Three days later, while all of them were still in pain, two of Jacob's sons, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brothers, took their swords and attacked the unsuspecting city, killing every male. 26 They put Hamor and his son Shechem to the sword and took Dinah from Shechem's house and left. 27 The sons of Jacob came upon the dead bodies and looted the city where [d] their sister had been defiled. 28 They seized their flocks and herds and donkeys and everything else of theirs in the city and out in the fields. 29 They carried off all their wealth and all their women and children, taking as plunder everything in the houses.


1 Samuel 15
The LORD Rejects Saul as King
1 Samuel said to Saul, "I am the one the LORD sent to anoint you king over his people Israel; so listen now to the message from the LORD . 2 This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'I will punish the Amalekites for what they did to Israel when they waylaid them as they came up from Egypt. 3 Now go, attack the Amalekites and totally destroy [a] everything that belongs to them. Do not spare them; put to death men and women, children and infants, cattle and sheep, camels and donkeys.' "

(And then God gets ticked off that Saul allows some of the sheep and cattle to be spared....)


Psalm 137 contains this little ditty about vengeance...
O Daughter of Babylon, doomed to destruction,

happy is he who repays you

for what you have done to us-

9 he who seizes your infants

and dashes them against the rocks.


And then the prophetic version in Isaiah 13...

15 Whoever is captured will be thrust through;

all who are caught will fall by the sword.

16 Their infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes;

their houses will be looted and their wives ravished.


Infants are definitely not treated nicely in the Bible.
 
evildave said:

Infants are definitely not treated nicely in the Bible.

Well I can sort of see why...after all, babies are incredibly stupid. They cannot perform simple math functions, lack even the simplest of emergency survival skills, and don't even demonstrate a fight-or-flight response when placed in imminent danger.

But your passages are nothing. Check this out:

Ezekiel 23:17-21
17 And the Babylonians came to her into the bed of love, and they defiled her with their whoredom, and she was polluted with them, and her mind was alienated from them.

18 So she discovered her whoredoms, and discovered her nakedness: then my mind was alienated from her, like as my mind was alienated from her sister.

19 Yet she multiplied her whoredoms, in calling to remembrance the days of her youth, wherein she had played the harlot in the land of Egypt.

20 For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses.

21 Thus thou calledst to remembrance the lewdness of thy youth, in bruising thy teats by the Egyptians for the paps of thy youth.

Yes, teat-bruising and men hung like donkeys...and yet the Bible is considered a family-friendly book.
 
Joshua Korosi said:
Yes, teat-bruising and men hung like donkeys...and yet the Bible is considered a family-friendly book.

Quiet! You're going to multiply my whoredoms.
 
Joshua Korosi said:
...snip...

Yes, teat-bruising and men hung like donkeys...and yet the Bible is considered a family-friendly book.

Strange these don’t seem to appear in my "Children's Bible", looks like the inerrant word of God isn’t suitable for the kiddies.
 
Darat, you just have a pre-censored version ... so little time, so much to censor ...

B*W, M**** C********
 
evildave said:
(And then God gets ticked off that Saul allows some of the sheep and cattle to be spared....)
There's more to the story. Saul's plan was to spare the animals only temporarily, until they could be sacrificed to the Lord. Even so, the Lord was furious, because Saul had not killed the animals right away.

Saul also took the king, Agag, as captive. Once again, the Lord was furious. He had ordered total genocide, and Saul's sparing the life of Agag was a gross violation of the Almighty's order. The Lord rectified Saul's little slip-up by having Samuel take Agag--who was unarmed, and a fully subjugated prisoner of war, and the last survivor of his people--and hack Agag to bits with a sword.

In Sunday school, they tell children that the Lord was displeased with Saul because "Saul disobeyed God." But they never tell children the outrageous, morally abominable order that the Lord supposedly gave, and that Saul supposedly disobeyed. Nor do they tell children what Samuel did in response.
 
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Action figures based on the book sold separately. They're anatomically correct!
 
This is sweet. Lot was a hoot!

Genesis 19:8 Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as [is] good in your eyes.


and further into the story:

Gen 19:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters.

Gen 19:31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father [is] old, and [there is] not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:

Gen 19:32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

Gen 19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

Gen 19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, [and] lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

Gen 19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

Gen 19:36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

Gen 19:37 And the firstborn bare a son, and called his name Moab: the same [is] the father of the Moabites unto this day.

Gen 19:38 And the younger, she also bare a son, and called his name Benammi: the same [is] the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.


This book details the lineage of the Moabites and the Ammonites - their mortal enemies - as coming from an incestual relationship. Brilliant! This may be the first written Jewish comedy bit.
 
Another lovely bit the other 'Jerry Springer' posts reminded me of...

Genesis 38
Judah and Tamar

1 At that time, Judah left his brothers and went down to stay with a man of Adullam named Hirah. 2 There Judah met the daughter of a Canaanite man named Shua. He married her and lay with her; 3 she became pregnant and gave birth to a son, who was named Er. 4 She conceived again and gave birth to a son and named him Onan. 5 She gave birth to still another son and named him Shelah. It was at Kezib that she gave birth to him.

6 Judah got a wife for Er, his firstborn, and her name was Tamar. 7 But Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the LORD's sight; so the LORD put him to death.

8 Then Judah said to Onan, "Lie with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother." 9 But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. 10 What he did was wicked in the LORD's sight; so he put him to death also.

11 Judah then said to his daughter-in-law Tamar, "Live as a widow in your father's house until my son Shelah grows up." For he thought, "He may die too, just like his brothers." So Tamar went to live in her father's house.

12 After a long time Judah's wife, the daughter of Shua, died. When Judah had recovered from his grief, he went up to Timnah, to the men who were shearing his sheep, and his friend Hirah the Adullamite went with him.

13 When Tamar was told, "Your father-in-law is on his way to Timnah to shear his sheep," 14 she took off her widow's clothes, covered herself with a veil to disguise herself, and then sat down at the entrance to Enaim, which is on the road to Timnah. For she saw that, though Shelah had now grown up, she had not been given to him as his wife.

15 When Judah saw her, he thought she was a prostitute, for she had covered her face. 16 Not realizing that she was his daughter-in-law, he went over to her by the roadside and said, "Come now, let me sleep with you."

"And what will you give me to sleep with you?" she asked.

17 "I'll send you a young goat from my flock," he said.

"Will you give me something as a pledge until you send it?" she asked.

18 He said, "What pledge should I give you?"

"Your seal and its cord, and the staff in your hand," she answered. So he gave them to her and slept with her, and she became pregnant by him. 19 After she left, she took off her veil and put on her widow's clothes again.

20 Meanwhile Judah sent the young goat by his friend the Adullamite in order to get his pledge back from the woman, but he did not find her. 21 He asked the men who lived there, "Where is the shrine prostitute who was beside the road at Enaim?"

"There hasn't been any shrine prostitute here," they said.

22 So he went back to Judah and said, "I didn't find her. Besides, the men who lived there said, 'There hasn't been any shrine prostitute here.' "

23 Then Judah said, "Let her keep what she has, or we will become a laughingstock. After all, I did send her this young goat, but you didn't find her."

24 About three months later Judah was told, "Your daughter-in-law Tamar is guilty of prostitution, and as a result she is now pregnant."

Judah said, "Bring her out and have her burned to death!"

25 As she was being brought out, she sent a message to her father-in-law. "I am pregnant by the man who owns these," she said. And she added, "See if you recognize whose seal and cord and staff these are."

26 Judah recognized them and said, "She is more righteous than I, since I wouldn't give her to my son Shelah." And he did not sleep with her again.

27 When the time came for her to give birth, there were twin boys in her womb. 28 As she was giving birth, one of them put out his hand; so the midwife took a scarlet thread and tied it on his wrist and said, "This one came out first." 29 But when he drew back his hand, his brother came out, and she said, "So this is how you have broken out!" And he was named Perez. [a] 30 Then his brother, who had the scarlet thread on his wrist, came out and he was given the name Zerah.



Footnotes:

1. Genesis 38:29 Perez means breaking out .
2. Genesis 38:30 Zerah can mean scarlet or brightness .
 
And people use this book as their guidepost ... why?

I expect more consistency from the throwaway books I buy for long plane trips.
 
triadboy said:
This is sweet. Lot was a hoot!



and further into the story:

[/b]

This book details the lineage of the Moabites and the Ammonites - their mortal enemies - as coming from an incestual relationship. Brilliant! This may be the first written Jewish comedy bit. [/B]


Wasn't the final punchline something like..


" Hey dad, want some more of this wine tonight ... "

" No way. That stuff makes my balls hurt ! "
 
So anywhere in that story does the LORD get ticked off because the gals got their dad drunk and committed incest? Ain't that a no-no in the 10 Rules until I say otherwise?
 
Diogenes said:
Wasn't the final punchline something like..


" Hey dad, want some more of this wine tonight ... "

" No way. That stuff makes my balls hurt ! "


:D
 
bluess said:
So anywhere in that story does the LORD get ticked off because the gals got their dad drunk and committed incest?

Wife swapping, talking animals and incest are the lynchpins of the bible. Without them the logic falls apart.

Only through "wife swapping" did Abraham gain his riches from the Pharoah. (It was really more like prostitution)

Xianity depends on the talking snake. (Don't forget Balaam's talking ass....ewww)

Incestual marriage:
Gen 4:17 And Cain knew his wife; and she conceived, and bare Enoch.



Isn't the Bible a strange book to admire?
 

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