GLOBAL WARNING BLAMED FOR 'FREE WILLY' DEATH
JOSHLO, NORWAY (BS Newswire) - Global Warming activists say human beings' effect on the global climate is responsible for the death of Keiko, the famous orca whale of the "Free Willy" movies.
"It's just a tragedy," said Whatta Lødacrap, Senior Research Director for the Center for Science That Attracts Government Grants. "If the sea temperature hadn't been rising over the last century due to the careless actions of humans, then Keiko might still be alive.
The reason, explained Imjuss Makindisstuffup, marine biologist with the International Governmental Panel of Excuses To Sieze More Power, had to do with the incubation of pneumonia in warmer waters. "As the temperature increases, so does the reproduction rate of the bacteria responsible for pneumonia. Obviously, cooler oceans would mean a lower incubation rate. That just might have made the Keiko experiment successful. We need greater power from the UN and its member nations to stop this behavior before it's too late for other large cetaceans unwittingly made stars in blockbuster movies."
"It's just senseless," commented Lødacrap. "People, in their selfishness, are causing the occasional deaths of magnificent creatures like Keiko just so they can have cars, central heat and air, and life-saving medical technology. When will we learn?"
Lodacrap did acknowledge that the connection between Global Warming and Keiko's death was contraversial among climatologists and whale biologists alike. "There are those skeptics who have delivered refutations of this idea," he said, "but naturally, we're not listening."
Keiko was 27, and had enjoyed worldwide fame since his screen debut in 1993, which means that his career lasted longer than Tom Arnold's.