Chris Haynes
Perfectly Poisonous Person
The following rant was prompted by this article (plus spending all morning on the phone trying to find out about our house refinance, grrrrr!!!):
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/16/health/policy/16CASE.html
Once in a while my brother and I will dabble in searching for our family roots. Since he is six years older than me he has a slightly better memory of visiting some relatives, while I have a bit more access to some data (like the library account in Ancestry.org). We really don't do anything much unless something comes along... and what we really have NOT done is ask much information from our dad.
The reason is that there has been lots of familial conflicts in the past. For years I was told my paternal grandfather was dead... only to find out he was alive and well and living near where my dad was buying his ritirement house. Apparently my grandparents had decided sometime before I was born to never ever speak to my mother... and the next contact with my father from them came about 6 years after my mother's death (through my dad's sister).
So... my brother and I were kind of going behind my dad's back.
BUT... just recently one of my kids has been diagnosed with a genetic heart disorder. So I called my dad and started asking questions... oh BOY!!
Hmmm... lets see: he decided to never have anything to do with his own mother after she took up with some other guy (who he attempted to shoot, except as an 8-year old he couldn't lift the gun).
The lady known as my paternal grandmother was my dad's step-mother (which I kind of knew, she had some stories about her husband's family, she figured that she would just roll with the loony bin... this was a woman who literally died laughing: she had a stroke during some kind of fun club function).
THEN... apparently the sister of my dad's mother (his aunt, my great aunt) had been murdered by her husband, and he got away with it. Though something about that does not look right according to the stuff I've checked, so now I have to check out the Yakima Herald from sometime in the 1940's.
BUT... the clincher: His grandfather (his mother's dad) left Yakima and moved to Georgia after his wife took up with her girlfriend. My dad took great delight in my reaction after telling me his grandmother was a lesbian.
I asked him why he never told us any of this before, and he said we never asked. I reminded him that my brother and I had asked several times, but the only response we got was "They're dead". Though I guess this isn't stuff you tell kids.
Of course now I have some information for my dad that he did not know. Apparently the story was that my mother's parents did not get married until they were almost 40 because of finances. BUT... I have a census sheet that shows them married in 1910, and my mother was not born until 1927. So I am suspecting that either they had several children die young (likely, perhaps from that genetic heart thing) or that my mother was adopted (more likely). So I'm sending him copies of the sheet, so he can discuss this with my step-mother (who was a neighbor of my mother growing up, yes, my dad married one of my mother's best friends about 6 months after she died... it was desperation thing because my mother's one cousin was going to sue for custody of us kids because she hated him).
Then there is my step-mother. She took a long time leaving her oldest brother's house (he was 20 years older, took her in after both their parents died, young... one from a genetic form of hypertension). When she did, she moved to a town in the next state over. Only to come back 2 years later pregnant... claiming to have been married and then divorced (she said her husband left her because she got pregnant).
So... my dear step-sister has been told this story. Only no one will tell her who her father is, if her parents had actually been married... or anything. And those who might have been willing to tell her have all died.
Aren't families fun? Like the "fun" in dysfunctional!
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/09/16/health/policy/16CASE.html
Once in a while my brother and I will dabble in searching for our family roots. Since he is six years older than me he has a slightly better memory of visiting some relatives, while I have a bit more access to some data (like the library account in Ancestry.org). We really don't do anything much unless something comes along... and what we really have NOT done is ask much information from our dad.
The reason is that there has been lots of familial conflicts in the past. For years I was told my paternal grandfather was dead... only to find out he was alive and well and living near where my dad was buying his ritirement house. Apparently my grandparents had decided sometime before I was born to never ever speak to my mother... and the next contact with my father from them came about 6 years after my mother's death (through my dad's sister).
So... my brother and I were kind of going behind my dad's back.
BUT... just recently one of my kids has been diagnosed with a genetic heart disorder. So I called my dad and started asking questions... oh BOY!!
Hmmm... lets see: he decided to never have anything to do with his own mother after she took up with some other guy (who he attempted to shoot, except as an 8-year old he couldn't lift the gun).
The lady known as my paternal grandmother was my dad's step-mother (which I kind of knew, she had some stories about her husband's family, she figured that she would just roll with the loony bin... this was a woman who literally died laughing: she had a stroke during some kind of fun club function).
THEN... apparently the sister of my dad's mother (his aunt, my great aunt) had been murdered by her husband, and he got away with it. Though something about that does not look right according to the stuff I've checked, so now I have to check out the Yakima Herald from sometime in the 1940's.
BUT... the clincher: His grandfather (his mother's dad) left Yakima and moved to Georgia after his wife took up with her girlfriend. My dad took great delight in my reaction after telling me his grandmother was a lesbian.
I asked him why he never told us any of this before, and he said we never asked. I reminded him that my brother and I had asked several times, but the only response we got was "They're dead". Though I guess this isn't stuff you tell kids.
Of course now I have some information for my dad that he did not know. Apparently the story was that my mother's parents did not get married until they were almost 40 because of finances. BUT... I have a census sheet that shows them married in 1910, and my mother was not born until 1927. So I am suspecting that either they had several children die young (likely, perhaps from that genetic heart thing) or that my mother was adopted (more likely). So I'm sending him copies of the sheet, so he can discuss this with my step-mother (who was a neighbor of my mother growing up, yes, my dad married one of my mother's best friends about 6 months after she died... it was desperation thing because my mother's one cousin was going to sue for custody of us kids because she hated him).
Then there is my step-mother. She took a long time leaving her oldest brother's house (he was 20 years older, took her in after both their parents died, young... one from a genetic form of hypertension). When she did, she moved to a town in the next state over. Only to come back 2 years later pregnant... claiming to have been married and then divorced (she said her husband left her because she got pregnant).
So... my dear step-sister has been told this story. Only no one will tell her who her father is, if her parents had actually been married... or anything. And those who might have been willing to tell her have all died.
Aren't families fun? Like the "fun" in dysfunctional!
What a story! I thought my family was messed up, but we can't hold a candle to this! How do you keep it all straight?