EMF Balancing and Universal Calibration Lattice

[poeatszeitgeist]

I decided to surf through some woo this evening for entertainment, when I came up on this:

An EMF Balancing Technique® session is an experience of one's own electromagnetic energy field (EMF stands for electromagnetic field) and the patterns within it.

Each session lasts about an hour. The recipient is on a massage table while the practitioner carries out a series of graceful Tai chi-like movements. Most of the movements involve the passing of the practitioner's hands through the portions of the Universal Calibration Lattice of the client that completely surround the body to a distance of 2 feet all around. During some parts of the session the practitioner will gently place their hands on the body to facilitate the flow of energy.

Each session results in a strengthening of the UCL, allowing it to permanently carry a greater electrical charge. While the procedure for each session is the same every time, the calibration (or strengthening) is unique to each person receiving the session. The calibration is determined by their inner wisdom, an expression of their personal electromagnetic configuration

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http://www.emfbalancingtechnique.com/

Anyone ever heard of this stuff? I found it linked on a Sedona site (not surprising).

 

[Tumblehome]

Looking at the site (and even watching a video!), I noticed that "EMF Balancing Technique" and "Universal Calibration Lattice" are both registered trademarks, and that their "discoverer" is hawking a DVD for $22. I wouldn't jump to any disparaging conclusions, but the thought did cross my mind--just briefly--that this is a slimy scam worthy of someone who'd sell your children into slavery in one beat of her black heart.

One hidden truth that she graciously reveals free of charge is that "wholeness" sounds a lot like "holiness". You wouldn't get mind-blowing insights like that from a sleazy con artist, now would you?

 

[poeatszeitgeist]

One hidden truth that she graciously reveals free of charge is that "wholeness" sounds a lot like "holiness". You wouldn't get mind-blowing insights like that from a sleazy con artist, now would you?

*Mind has been blown*

 

[Hokulele]

And "lattice" sounds a lot like "lettuce". Could this also be a sandwich ingredient?

 

[Brainache]

Each session lasts about an hour. The recipient is on a massage table while the practitioner carries out a series of graceful Tai chi-like movements. Most of the movements involve the passing of the practitioner's hands through the portions of the Universal Calibration Lattice of the client that completely surround the body to a distance of 2 feet all around. During some parts of the session the practitioner will gently place their hands on the body to facilitate the flow of energy.

I'm wondering if this technique results in an eventual release of ...erm... energy?

 

[Akhenaten]

An EMF Balancing Technique® session is an experience of one's own electromagnetic energy field (EMF stands for electromagnetic field) and the patterns within it.

It looks like we'll need a new acronym for the Electro-Motive Force too, now that EMF has been redefined for us.

 

[Tumblehome]

And "lattice" sounds a lot like "lettuce". Could this also be a sandwich ingredient?

Two all-beef patties, special sauce, universal calibration lettuce, pickles, onions on a seseame seed bun.

A wholesome ingredient, indeed. Or is that holisome? I'm confused now.

I'm wondering if this technique results in an eventual release of ...erm... energy?

There does seem to be a hint of sex just under the surface. Clever of her. I wonder why Sylvia Browne never thought of th--Oh, what am I thinking!?!