Does interest in sex wear out?

[Iamme]

Have any of you followed Ann Landers (now departed) or Dear Abbey , through the years? If you have, you would have noticed that they both agree that there is something wrong with people who no longer have/enjoy sex into their 70's. For couples where interest has wained, they should see a councelor. Really!

I was discussing this matter one day with someone I talk to who works at a local shop in town. He said HE isn't really interested too much anymore. At least not with his wife. He is in his mid 40's. He told me that the way it is now with him, he feels like when he sees his wife naked, that he may as well be looking at his sister or something.

And isn't it really the 'novelty' of nudity/the sex act...which is the real cause of the 'turn-on'? Or, do you believe it is mostly biological? *I* think it is more the former, myself. If it were biological, you should be able to perform, with your same sex partner. But as it is, many married couples cheat, so that they can try out something new. Something novel, if you will.

Personally, I can't fathom how anyone could be interested, from a sexual standpoint, in the same partner, say for 20, 30, or 50 years. I think I would be as sexually interested as I would be if I were to look at my own self, naked, in the mirror. (This fear, is one of the reasons I am still single. I would not want to hurt anybody's feelings. And, if you aren't turned-on...you aren't turned-on. What can you do?

Care to share?

 

[triadboy]

My wife fulfills my inner fantasies. And that's what a mate must do for longevity. If not then you are friends and not sexual partners.

 

[Yahweh]

Does interest in sex wear out?

According to Mrs. Yahweh, "The more a couple has sex, the more they will want to have sex".

Hee hee hee, Mrs. Yahweh has dirty thoughts... not that I mind at all...

 

[toddjh]

And isn't it really the 'novelty' of nudity/the sex act...which is the real cause of the 'turn-on'? Or, do you believe it is mostly biological? *I* think it is more the former, myself. If it were biological, you should be able to perform, with your same sex partner. But as it is, many married couples cheat, so that they can try out something new. Something novel, if you will.

I think it's a combination of both. If both partners are willing to work to keep things going, I don't think it necessarily has to change.

That said, there's also a lot to the novelty factor. Personally, I think the de facto standard that long-term relationships should be permanently monogamous is unrealistic and cruel. If it works as a monogamous relationship, that's great, but the statistics show that the majority of people just aren't capable of keeping their eye on a single person. Insisting on forcing it to stay that way permanently is a recipe for disaster: it will result in an affair, an unpleasant break-up (of the kind you want to avoid), or a lot of sexual frustration and resentment.

If both people are capable of dealing with it, I think an open relationship is the way to go. I can say from experience that that kind of arrangement doesn't necessarily decrease your interest in your partner; on the contrary, after ten years, I find my interest in other people starting to wane (though not completely of course ).

Personally, I can't fathom how anyone could be interested, from a sexual standpoint, in the same partner, say for 20, 30, or 50 years.

Some people aren't, it's true. I don't know if there's an easy answer. Some people's sex drive disappears altogether as they get older, but also some people do get bored with their partners.

However, there's also a lot to be said for having 20 or 30 years to get to know someone's responses and kinks. There's also a certain amount of conditioning. When I see my wife naked, my body knows something good is going to happen. And people change over time, too. My wife is a completely different person, sexually, than she was when I met her. So there's still the possibility for novelty even with one person.

I also don't know if there's a problem with a long-term relationship losing its sexual component, as long as people are willing to be fair. It takes a certain kind of person to make it work, but I know a few married couples who primarily have sex with other people, and they seem relatively happy with the arrangement. So who knows.

What I'll never understand are relationships where one or both partners have lost interest in the other, but don't want them to get their sex elsewhere, either. I can't think of any explanation for that except sadism.

Like so much about relationships, I think most of it boils down to honesty and a fair amount of blind luck. For every relationship which is successful on an emotional level but stagnates sexually, there's another where people have sexual chemistry but just don't get along. I think the latter is worse, myself.

Jeremy

 

[Prospero]

Sex Drives With Expiration Dates

Well, considering sex drives, just like everything else that seems "instinctual", are more or less genetically pre-determined, I don't think there's any objective answer to this question. It's been my observation that sex is used as a motivator between people and is almost like a glue in a relationship. Two people that are attracted to each other physically will spend more time with each other, inadvertantly developing an emotional attachment which will hold them for when their sex drives either wane or physical attractiveness isn't even a consideration any more. It serves a biological function that people choose to interpret in Romantic ways that increase the significance of their relationship. Once it has served its purpose in securing a mate, its usefulness declines and is no longer necessary.

 

[UnrepentantSinner]

As someone who hasn't had a relationship last beyond a year (save unrequited ones - which don't apply contextually to this thread) I can't really comment on the old adage, "show me a guy banging {insert hot chick of the moment here} and I'll show you someone tired of banging her." To be honest, I've never banged anyone that would be referenced in that adage.

I will say from a purely evolutionary standpoint I can understand the desire for "strange," but from a purely social standpoint I can understand desiring the one you love until death do you part.