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Darwin got it WRONG!!! Here's the PROOF!!!

shemp

a flimsy character...perfidious and despised
shemp
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It must be true! The Weekly World News says so!

Humans evolved from pigs!

Charles Darwin was wrong -- humans evolved from pigs, not apes. And that explains the Biblical prohibition against consuming the flesh of our oinking relatives, according to a startling new theory.

"It's hard to believe, but you and Porky Pig are kissing cousins," says genetic scientist Dr. Basil Hainwright of London.
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"It turns out humans and pigs shared a common ancestor just 64 million years ago -- a blink of the eye in evolutionary terms," Dr. Hainwright says.

"My research suggests that this creature looked far more like a pig than an ape. It walked on all fours, had an upturned snout and a small, curly tail.

"If you saw it today, you would definitely identify it as a pig."
Click to expand...
 
All mammals evolved from a common ancestor. Haven't read the article,

but don't we share more dna in common with chimps? They ARE primates afterall, unlike piggies.

Hmph, stupid star mag like material...ha ha. Will anybody "spread the news" like there might be something to the story?

I wonder if the religious folks who already ban pork will try to be smug? Or maybe that's where the guy who is telling the story got the idea from?

Bah. I'm trying to find the humor here, but bah.
 
I liked the good ole days of WWN before they had Photoshop... in those days, you could often see tape along with the cut lines in all their doctored photos...
 
Eos of the Eons said:
[...]I wonder if the religious folks who already ban pork will try to be smug? Or maybe that's where the guy who is telling the story got the idea from?

Bah. I'm trying to find the humor here, but bah.
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Imagine a SuperPig juggling balls of fire to entertain swine. The swine take serious offense. Should SuperPig juggle balls of fire all night long on the Fourth of July and yet not even get some BBQ pork to munch on after the performance?

[Credit to Frank O'Connor.]
 
Humans and pigs shared a common ancestor, and the 64 million year timeframe sounds pretty close. That's when dinosaurs had first died out, and the little furry creatures started to branch out and take over the upper end of the food chain. So everything except the sentence "Charles Darwin got it wrong" is technically correct. Oh, and that stuff about the reason the Bible prohibits eating them.
 
I remember WWN's 8-legged human (nicknamed Spiderman) once again demonstrating Darwin's Theory being blown out of the water!
 
So when they say 'longpig', they're not kidding! ;)

Really, though, they are actually wrong in that we are more recently descended from hominids and the like.

And all life on earth is related, coming from a common ancestor, as opposed to just mammals. I believe we saw it in an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Looked like brown-green muck.

Remember him? Great (x10^9) Grandpa Brown-Green Muck? What a character!
 
In my independent taste-tests, I find very little difference between "long pig" and the other kind.

A bit of garlic, some applesauce on the side...quite palatable.

"As for cannibalism in Her Majesty's Navy, we've pretty well got rid of that."
 
Charles Darwin was wrong -- humans evolved from pigs, not apes.
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"It turns out humans and pigs shared a common ancestor just 64 million years ago -- a blink of the eye in evolutionary terms," Dr. Hainwright says.
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*sigh*

Yes, humans and pigs shared a common ancestor 64 million years ago. But humans and apes shared a common ancestor only 5 million years ago.

To say that humans are therefore descended from pigs, but not descended from apes, is to turn the whole branching tree of evolution upside-down.



Besides, as all readers of the Weekly World News know, humans evolved from Bat Boy.
 
Wait a second.

How is this anything we didn't know already?

64 million years ago, in the paleocene, the placental mammals were only just begining to branch out and diversify. All currently existing groups of mammals have fossil remains by the eocene.

Prior to that, all placentals, heck, all mammals were animals essentially like rats. There was almost no diversification of mammals before 64 million years, for this and related reasons . We branched from the ancestors of whales, elephants and llamas at 64 million years. Big deal.

Actually, there is one thing that this could tell us. Remains from the cretaceous had been tentatively described as primates. Perhaps they were not.
 
Years ago there was a movie about Atlantis (which may have been the source for another thread hereabouts regarding pyramids, E/W hemispheres) starring Edward Platt and some other forgettables. Anyway, they showed people devolving into pigs. Sounds like good supporting proof to me.
 
Originally posted by pupdog
Years ago there was a movie about Atlantis (which may have been the source for another thread hereabouts regarding pyramids, E/W hemispheres) starring Edward Platt and some other forgettables. Anyway, they showed people devolving into pigs. Sounds like good supporting proof to me.
Click to expand...
Hey, I saw that movie. It was the one where Atlantis was destroyed because of a big crystal in the center of the island which they used as a weapon against the Greek invaders.
 
exarch said:
Hey, I saw that movie. It was the one where Atlantis was destroyed because of a big crystal in the center of the island which they used as a weapon against the Greek invaders.
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So it was a documentary?
 
Surely, you wouldn't ban the Healing Crystals along with the Island-Sinking Crystals, would you?
 
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