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Daily newspaper horoscope "accuracy"

gruk

Thinker
G
Joined
Sep 1, 2005
Messages
159
I've been amusing myself lately, by going through the horoscopes in Metro (a fere daily newspaper here in London) and counting how many of the 12 "readings" seem appropriate each day.

So far, I have been getting between 6 and 11 "hits" each day (if half or more of a specific sign is appropriate, I count that sign as a hit, so I would expect to see about 9 hits per day).
 
Randi used to do a bit where he would set himself up as a "radio astrologer". Folks would call in for their readings, and the shows would always get a lot of positive comment on the accuracy of the information.

Randi said he would just buy a couple of newspapers and cut the astrology readings out and throw 'em in a hat. When someone called in, he'd just grab one at random.
 
For what it's worth, I've noticed that the biggest critics of the newspaper astrology column lately are the serious astrologers themselves.

Of course, their criticism is always of the type like "How can they make a blanket prediction like that, without even taking into account the person's birth time and geographic location, etc., etc." That is, it fails because it doesn't take into account all the things that they provide services for.

Me, I prefer the Onion's horoscope column.
 
Oh, what that heck. Lets check Yahooz.
  • Aries: ambitious plans... friends and family will help you get there.
    Well, I am remodelling the kitchen with the wife. Lets say HIT.
  • Leo: Give up on the project and move on.
    But... we were almost done! And the installers are doing the last bit... better call them and tell them to cancel. MISS
  • Sagittarius: The stars are in a tricky mood [...] don't make any sudden moves.
    Uh... installers? UH... Cancelling is sudden, so I won't do it. This is vague, even for a horoscope. HIT, but I'm protesting it.
  • Taurus: There's not much you can do today to make things different, so just let it go. Wait... that's what Sag said! Hey, repeat scope! repeat scope! MISS
  • Virgo: Keep going and things will happen. Organize schedules
    Uh. Ok. I better call the installers to make sure they're coming on Friday. Pretty vague, but I'll call it a HIT
  • CapricornBig decisions in store, be patient Are they really all this terribly vague? Yeah, the kitchen is a biggie, but so were the braces, the laundry room, moving last year, having kids, getting married.... *sigh* Hit.
  • Gemini:Something big finishes today! Get a broad perspective UH... no. Nothing big happening today, although I suppose I should check that email from my boss. :rolleyes: MISS
  • Libra: Pay attention, micromanage, you'll have free time No, not likely. Busy and whatnot, given the kitchen and work. Sooooo MISS
  • Aquarium Starting a new project, you'll spot things first Well, I suppose there's new projects at work, although nothing huge and shiny. I have several projects at home to start... Weeeeeak, but I'll say HIT
  • CancerOngoing project, End in sight, take credit mmm. Lots of projects, some do have the end in sight. I'll probably get credit for something... whatever HIT.
  • ScopioOnce in a lifetime opportunity. Say yes Wow, that's pretty specific. And wrong. I mean ... what, kids? marriage? A tattoo? A new job? Nononono. Sorry, miss.
  • PiscesMoney opportunity, plant a seed Uh... no. Not that I'm aware of, anyway. MISS

So, what have we learned?
  • gruk has more patience than I do. Not doing this again.
  • As expected, insanely vague ... except for Scopio.
  • Final score: 6/12 exactly 50%
  • I know how to abuse the LIST tag now ;)
  • You can only put 10 smilies in a post. I had smilies for hits and mads for misses, and the post thing complained.
 
Tirdun said:
Oh, what that heck. Lets check Yahooz.
So, what have we learned?
  • gruk has more patience than I do. Not doing this again.
  • As expected, insanely vague ... except for Scopio.
  • ...
Click to expand...

More patience? Debatable, it's on printed matter and it's close to the last thing I do before returning the paper for recycling. I simply read through them and mark them with a pen (the pen has previously been used to solve su doku, on the same page, even). This means the marginal effort is fairly small and it's only a few more minutes before I can then tuck the paper away and grab a book out of my backpack.
 
It's a well-known fact that everything is more accurate if you throw some modern technology and a few buzzwords at it. With this in mind:

http://www.bbspot.com/toys/horoscopes

Scorpio - Grizelda in Human Resources is still bitter about you beating her in bridge. She's been recouping her losses from your paychecks.

Gemini - The planets align perfectly for you this week, unfortunately you can't figure out why until it's too late. Don't worry it will happen again in 768 years.

Capricorn - You've got a nasty habit of using style sheets to prevent hyperlinks from appearing as underlined text. I find it really annoying. Knock it off.

Taurus - People just don't need to rent Zambonis in Hawaii. Give up the dream.

If you're not happy with your Geek Horoscope you can always [try again]

Taurus - The world is big. Go out there and explore. No, I don't mean the world in Everquest.

[try again]

Taurus - Don't fear the reaper. Fear that thing he uses to chop off your head.
Click to expand...

Ah. Now that one seems valid to me.
 
I always like it when the horrorscope says something like, "Libra plays a role today." Hmmm. There are only 12 signs in astrology. If you encounter just 12 people today it's a safe bet one of them is a Libra. And what about all the other people who played a role?

Steve S.
 
High score!

Today, as far as I could tell, 12 out of twelve looked half-way applicable (or more).
 
Lothian said:
A mate of mine was working the Express 10 years ago. While he was there the resident astrologer was off sick for a couple of months. Rather than admit the fact they recycled some horoscopes from the late 60’s. Not one complaint was received !
Click to expand...

I'm not in the least surprised. I wrote some template-filling code to generate horoscopes in the style common in Swedish newspapers and it was about as accurate, using just a PRNG and a fairly simple template (that I provided all teh data for).
 
Aquarius
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus
You are the tru Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say

Aries
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus
You will never find tru happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

Gemini
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest

Cancer
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test

Leo
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik

Virgo
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely
that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have
a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you,
but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions
are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have
to be some kind of moron not to reaize that every single one of the is absolutely true.

Where was I?

Libra
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week

Scorpio
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you call screaming from an open window
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak

Sagittarius
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den

Capricorn
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying
If I were you, I's lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today

That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)
That's your horoscope for today


- "Weird" Al Yankovic, Your Horoscope for Today
 
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