Coming out of a different manner

I am probably about a 4, although it varies with context. Most of my siblings know. I never told my parents, I'm sure my mother in particular might not have been able to handle it, but they are both dead now. Any of my co-workers who have bothered to ask know. If it comes up in conversation, I will acknowledge it, but will usually not start such conversations.

When I visit my childhood turf in the Midwest, I may be a little more careful about what I say. I remember once the topic came up when I was talking to my aunt, and I told here I was an atheist. My high shcool-educated cousin was there, and he asked, "an atheist? does that mean you worship the devil?" That kind of ignorance could get me killed, and I would prefer not to deal with it.

I live in a job where religion is not an issue and open inquiry is valued. I live in a region where freedom of religion is valued, almost to the point of ridiculosity. This means I am free to be openly atheist here, but it also means that all the various cults have a presence as well.

BTW, I was raised Catholic and didn't become atheist until I was ~ 21, so all those childhood acquaintances are people I attended Catholic school (grades 1-12) with.
 
Thanks for the response. If you don't mind my questions, at what point did you actually start "outing" yourself, how did you do it and what was the reaction?
 
I'm a 4. In Australia, it doesn't seem to matter nearly as much; I can't recall anyone ever reacting in shock or horror on learning I'm an atheist.

Been that way since I was 12.
 
I didn't have to come out, I was never in. From my earlies recollections of being told bible stories (the Ark was perhaps the first), I always had the "this story makes no sense" attitude.

Pixy is quite correct about religion in Australia. Though I'd guess 80% of us tick one of the "Religion" boxes on the census form, very few of us go to church on anything approaching a regular basis. I'm only forced to attend if someone I know get married or dies.
 
A_Feeble_Mind said:
Thanks for the response. If you don't mind my questions, at what point did you actually start "outing" yourself, how did you do it and what was the reaction?
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I was in college at the time I became atheistic. It was the year I studied both biochemistry and new testament history. :rolleyes: I had discussions with friends about it. I remember shortly after making the final decision, telling a girlfriend and getting dumped for it.

Oh, and that conversation with my aunt? She told me that my grandmother was probably an atheist. That was very reassuring.
 
4-5, is changes over time.
I was raised as catholic, and for a short time I was 1.
I started having serious doubts around age 10, at age 13 I simply could believe it anymore.
One sunday, when my parents were preparing for going to the church, I "came out" and told my mother I didn't want to attend mass, as I as I did not believe in god.
I remenber clearly it's face, expressing a mix of deception, fear, angst... I regret doing that, because it was not necessary. My parents forced me to continue attending mass, but over the years my brothers started searching excuses to avoid sunday's masses. Slowly, my parents had to acknowledge no one of us (seven brothers) was going to be a practisin christian.
I still attend mass ocasionally for funerals, weddings, etc...I don't know what my mothers thinks about my religious views, or my brothers ones. I think she prefer to ignore it...
BTW, my grandfather does not know about our disbelief. We do our best to keep him ignoring our opinions; he would probably be utterly disgusted, and it would be bad for his health. With 96 years over his back, I think myself doing some imposture is ok...
 
I must have been 10 or 11 when I started the process. My mother insisted that I go to religion classes (RC) after school. The day was fine, unusual for a Vancouver spring, and I told her, "Nope, I'm going to play football instead." She still insisted but I held firm. I showed up for supper with grass stains on my knees and my Mom, being unusually psychic, determined that I hadn't been praying.

Guilt and fear are funny things. My poor mother was so ashamed of me and so afraid of what the priest would say, that she actually came at me with a wooden spoon. She got in one lick, I grabbed it, and she took off. We were both in tears. She had never before attempted to strike me. Never did again.

Many years later, my Mom also left the church for good when the priest told her he had looked at her records and found she wasn't donating enough money.
 
I was never in, either, even though I was a Baptist for 2 weeks when I was twelve.

I am definitely a 5.
 
Peskanov
I remenber clearly it's face,
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It's "her face." Referring to your mother's face as "it's face" is a sign of a deeply disturbed individual who needs immediate psychiatric care.

Or a sign of a non-native English speaker. I was most relieved to see your location as "Spain."

:D
 
Any advice on a good way to do this? I figure I should probably start with my spouse, but I do have a friend who I know is agnostic and was wondering if he might be a better place to start?
 
Yahzi;

----
It's "her face." Referring to your mother's face as "it's face" is a sign of a deeply disturbed individual who needs immediate psychiatric care.

Or a sign of a non-native English speaker. I was most relieved to see your location as "Spain."
----

Why not both, disturbed and non-native? :D
Well, I find flattering that you had to check the location... This means my english is improving!


A_Feeble_Mind:
I don't know how to answer you...We have not much details about your life. Just having a different opinion is confrontational in some spheres.
I believe you should think about what do you expect from the people that shares your life. Do you want them to be less strict with their beliefs? Do you want them to change their beliefs?
If you find, as I did, that some are not able to revise their beliefs, why bother?
Let the youth do the task; they are here to be confrontational! Let them get the duty! :D
 
A_Feeble_Mind said:
Any advice on a good way to do this? I figure I should probably start with my spouse, but I do have a friend who I know is agnostic and was wondering if he might be a better place to start?
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What is your purpose? Letting your agnostic friend know might give you someone to talk things over with, but if your eventual purpose is to tell your spouse, other contacts are irrelevant.

Perhaps start with specific issues, such as this article on Biblical sentencing, http://www.randi.org/vbulletin/showthread.php?threadid=20209, or the frequent apparition of the Virgin Mary in fence posts and such. We have no idea what your spouse believes or how he/she will react.
 
A_Feeble_Mind said:
Any advice on a good way to do this? I figure I should probably start with my spouse, but I do have a friend who I know is agnostic and was wondering if he might be a better place to start?
Click to expand...

Is your spouse open-minded or eaten up with Jeebus?
 
A_Feeble_Mind said:
Any advice on a good way to do this? I figure I should probably start with my spouse, but I do have a friend who I know is agnostic and was wondering if he might be a better place to start?
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So, you're Degree 1, which according to the article means:

"Completely closeted. Not even your spouse knows. You tell everyone you're a believer, and you may even attend church services to convince those around you. You're living a lie, terrified that someone may learn the truth.

If you fit into this category something must change in the near term. Your spouse, who loves and trusts you for who you are, needs and has the right to know."

Are you seriously saying that your spouse (that's like a wife, right?), the person you are theoretically soulmates with, doesn't know that you have no religious leanings? Frankly, I find that to be pretty disturbing, and as the article says, you're living a lie. My advice is simply to stop lying to the person you're supposed to be in love with.
 
heh. I am 4.5 -- totally open about atheism, but don't make a point to inform people about it unless the subject comes up. i do have an "Evolve" fish on my car (the fish with legs and a wrench).

My most disturbing experience with xianity was when my mother came home from a new church she joined, and declared that I must be possessed by the devil, because I refused to convert. Bleargh. that was outrigtht disgusting.
 
A_Feeble_Mind

The Secular Web has in it's forums 10 pages of coming out stories from atheists.

Personally, I fall into category 4; I'm open about my atheism, but I don't tell people I barely know unless the subject comes up.

I was raised a Methodist, and my deconversion was slow and quiet, involving a lot of research online. I told my parents about a year ago that I'm a atheist, and they took it fairly well, saying that they didn't care as long as I was a good person. Recently I've been able to tell that my lack of belief bothers my dad, because he tends to drop small hints around the house.
 
I'd say I'm about 4.5 also. I tell people whenever religion comes up, but I'm not 'in their face about it'. I prefer that no one preached religion, and everyone was free to make their own choice like I was.(my parents raised me as a non-theist, and religion only came up once or twice). What really makes me mad is when people attack each other for belief. I've even defended a JW once in my class when she was being attacked for her beliefs.
 
I'm a 3-4. Some people know, most don't. My mom does, my dad doesn't, then again I hardly ever talk to him about anything. My best friend does, but he's an athiest too. As for telling others, I never volunteer that info. If it comes up I'll size up who it is to determine if it's "safe" to go ahead and tell them. But I rarely do unless I have some sort of comfort level with the person. Sometimes I will say something though if I'm feeling argumentative.
 
I don't announce it, but I love to debate xians about their faith. (Is this sick?) My wife was an atheist before me. (Thank God!) I ignored religion before I saw the light. I couldn't imagine being married to a theist.
 
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