• Quick note - the problem with Youtube videos not embedding on the forum appears to have been fixed, thanks to ZiprHead. If you do still see problems let me know.

Children's Bible Stories

As this is janice1234's first post I think we should assume English is not her first language and give her some straightforward answers. The meaning of the query is clear.
 
ChristineR said:
As this is janice1234's first post I think we should assume English is not her first language and give her some straightforward answers. The meaning of the query is clear.
Click to expand...

Um,..... if It's clear to you, then I would appreciate it if you would rephrase it into something more intelligible. It may just be a case of "too much blood in my caffiene-stream," but I couldn't decipher it . There's at least one content word -- "my children's WHAT?" -- that I find both crucial and absent.
 
ChristineR said:
Are you worried about your children reading books of Bible stories?
Click to expand...

Ah, thank you.

No, I'm not particularly worried, any more than I'm worried about them reading a lot of other stuff. I think the morality presented in many of the BIble stories is rather questionable (for example, the sexism inherent in the Creation story, or the anti-Semitism of the Passion), but it's no worse than the sexism present in Peter Pan or the anti-Semitism of much of Grimm's Fairy Tales.
 
Jeff Corey said:
The Witch in the forest was jewish? She didn't keep kosher.
Click to expand...

Don't be ridiculous. Not only are gentile children kosher, they're practically the main ingredient in Passover matzohs. (See "libel, Blood.")
 
There was a Big Book of Children's Bible Stories in the waiting room of my doctor's office when I was a kid. My "favorite" story was one of a boy, in the hospital for a tonsillectomy or something similarly minor, who was placed in the same hospital room as a boy who had been in a car accident and critically injured. Car accident boy is dying and scared. Tonsillectomy boy tells car accident boy that if he raises his hand, Jesus will know he's ready to go to heaven and Jesus will take him. But car accident boy is too injured to raise his hand by himself, so tonsillectomy boy uses a pillow to prop up car accident boy's arm. In the morning, when tonsillectomy boy wakes up, car accident boy is dead, dead, dead.

I spent many a night sleeping with my arms clenched to my sides, afraid that Grim Reaper Jesus would kill me in the night.
 
Lisa Simpson said:
There was a Big Book of Children's Bible Stories in the waiting room of my doctor's office when I was a kid. My "favorite" story was one of a boy, in the hospital for a tonsillectomy or something similarly minor, who was placed in the same hospital room as a boy who had been in a car accident and critically injured. Car accident boy is dying and scared. Tonsillectomy boy tells car accident boy that if he raises his hand, Jesus will know he's ready to go to heaven and Jesus will take him. But car accident boy is too injured to raise his hand by himself, so tonsillectomy boy uses a pillow to prop up car accident boy's arm. In the morning, when tonsillectomy boy wakes up, car accident boy is dead, dead, dead.

I spent many a night sleeping with my arms clenched to my sides, afraid that Grim Reaper Jesus would kill me in the night.
Click to expand...
My god, that's the most horrific story I've heard.
that's like way scarier than the
"Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the lights"
or the "the hitchhiker's briefcase had a rope, razer blades and ducktape." Campfire stories.

it gives me the jibblies.
 
Lisa Simpson said:
There was a Big Book of Children's Bible Stories in the waiting room of my doctor's office when I was a kid. My "favorite" story was one of a boy, in the hospital for a tonsillectomy or something similarly minor, who was placed in the same hospital room as a boy who had been in a car accident and critically injured. Car accident boy is dying and scared. Tonsillectomy boy tells car accident boy that if he raises his hand, Jesus will know he's ready to go to heaven and Jesus will take him. But car accident boy is too injured to raise his hand by himself, so tonsillectomy boy uses a pillow to prop up car accident boy's arm. In the morning, when tonsillectomy boy wakes up, car accident boy is dead, dead, dead.
.
Click to expand...

So tonsillectomy boy killed him and got away with it?
:eek:
 
grayman said:
So tonsillectomy boy killed him and got away with it?
:eek:
Click to expand...

Then Tonsillectomy Boy pulled the water fixture out of the floor and threw it through the bars on the window, freeing him to run toward the horizon...

Steven
 
drkitten said:
Don't be ridiculous. Not only are gentile children kosher, they're practically the main ingredient in Passover matzohs. (See "libel, Blood.")
Click to expand...
Bubbala, so they didn't have the cloven hooves, they weren't shellfish, still, she didn't have a kosher bosher slaughter and bleed them correctly.
Tref! I say tref!
 
joobz said:
My god, that's the most horrific story I've heard.
that's like way scarier than the
"Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the lights"
or the "the hitchhiker's briefcase had a rope, razer blades and ducktape." Campfire stories.

it gives me the jibblies.
Click to expand...

Have you read the selfish giant?
http://www.oscarwildecollection.com/

I had nightmares that Jesus was coming for me for a long time after someone read me that when I was about 5.


The last lines still give me the heebie jeebuses reading now.
Downstairs ran the Giant in great joy, and out into the garden. He hastened across the grass, and came near to the child. And when he came quite close his face grew red with anger, and he said, "Who hath dared to wound thee?" For on the palms of the child's hands were the prints of two nails, and the prints of two nails were on the little feet.

"Who hath dared to wound thee?" cried the Giant; "tell me, that I may take my big sword and slay him."

"Nay!" answered the child; "but these are the wounds of Love."

"Who art thou?" said the Giant, and a strange awe fell on him, and he knelt before the little child.

And the child smiled on the Giant, and said to him, "You let me play once in your garden, today you shall come with me to my garden, which is Paradise."

And when the children ran in that afternoon, they found the Giant lying dead under the tree, all covered with white blossoms.
 
See, Hindu children stories just aren't like the scary Jesus ones.

A little boy is told by his mother that Krishna is his big brother, and not to be scared walking in the woods on his way to school. The little boy gets scared on his way to school and calls for his big brother. Krishna shows up and walks him to school.

Why would you want to love a scary, grim reaper god?
 
So you don't even have to volunteer to be taken by grim reaper jesus? Damn, maybe I should start sleeping with a "Not ready yet, god, please don't kill me in my sleep" sign.
 
bluess said:
See, Hindu children stories just aren't like the scary Jesus ones.

A little boy is told by his mother that Krishna is his big brother, and not to be scared walking in the woods on his way to school. The little boy gets scared on his way to school and calls for his big brother.
Click to expand...

I really expected the punch line to be "..and was eaten by a wolf."
 
Foster Zygote said:
Then Tonsillectomy Boy pulled the water fixture out of the floor and threw it through the bars on the window, freeing him to run toward the horizon...

Steven
Click to expand...

Can you ever trust anyone with a name like Ratchet?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top Bottom