Somewhat sidebar:
I hate to see kids being identified/labelled as having a psychological or medical problem when they simply are one standard deviation into the "annoying to parents" curve. I truly believe that we are expecting our kids to behave in a way that is historically and biologically inappropriate. Even compared to my childhood, less than 50 years ago, the amount of physical activity expected of kids is less, and the amount of stimulation without physical motion (TV and video games) is almost immeasurably higher.
I wholeheartedly agree with you.
You really hit a hot button on me with that comment. I have thought for years that ADHD/ADD diagnosis was being overdone in this country, and I believe the same thing is now true for "Autism Spectrum Disorders". Sadly, as long as there are programs to provide medication, "respite care" for exhausted parents, behavioral therapy for the kids, and special assistance at school, there is an enormous incentive for the family to try to get that diagnosis--since having a "difficult child" gets you bupkus.
Just my thoughts, MK
I wholeheartedly agree with you.
In my own defense, though, my husband and I are not among those parents who fall into that category. That is a hot button for us. Our son is an extremely low functioning autistic who began to display symptoms when he was 2-2 1/2. We thought, at the time, that he was just a "late talker" - it was during a routine immunization that his nurse noticed certain other signs, and initiated testing. He was diagnosed, formally, when he was 4, and we were devastated. We would have done anything to avoid that diagnosis, but it was inescapable. Prior to the official diagnosis, we searched out every kind of test possible in the hope of ruling out autism. He did not begin verbally communicating until he was 9, and, even today, his communication is extremely limited-aside from his musical savantism. When it came to the behavioral therapies, we've done everything we can to educate ourselves on as many techniques as possible, in order to take on the larger part of the responsibility of employing those therapies, instead of relying on teachers and aides to do so. We have never used respite care-he's never even had a babysitter for even one day in 14 years-and, although he has always been in special needs classes by necessity, I have always been his school aide, instead of relying on the school to provide one. He turned 15 today, and we've gladly been responsible for the lion's share of every aspect of his care and development every step of the way.
When it came to the ADHD, again, we did all we could to avoid that diagnosis, and managed with the behavioral therapies for nearly five years after he first began displaying symptoms of hyperactivity. Again, we attempted every test possible to rule out ADHD, instead of running towards that diagnosis. I was very strongly opposed to the idea of putting him on the amphetamine medication-the thought of giving my child amphetamine was repugnant. In the end, though, the hyperactivity reached the point where he became physically violent, and he could not concentrate on anything for more than a few seconds. It so hampered his progress that it left me with little choice but to seek additional treatment. As well, at 6'0 and 165 pounds, it was becoming increasingly difficult to restrain him when he had a violent outburst-and we have a smaller child that that posed a danger to. Today, I don't regret the decision to put him on medication - it has made a significant difference for him - but we still do whatever we can so he can maintain on a low dosage, and avoid the 'zombie' state.
Believe me, we did everything we could to avoid both diagnoses, and taking advantage of the 'system' for the perks and pluses was not an incentive for us. He does receive SSDI and he is on Medicaid, but it has only been in the last year that we signed up for that, because the cost of the medication was so prohibitively expensive. (I avoided SSDI for a long time - it still feels like a 'handout' to me, and I hate that, but getting him into the 'system' was important, in the interest of the long term care he will need.)
We would both give anything for it all to be very different, and for our boy to be 'normal'. We love him devotedly, he is our angel, but it still wrenches our hearts to think of the things he will never do or have because of the limitations of his autism. In working at the schools, I do meet a lot of parents like us, where the autism and the ADHD are legitimate problems, and not a means to avoid coping with a 'difficult' child.
I also meet parents of the other type-which is why I wholeheartedly agree with you. Many 'legitimate' parents get lumped into that category, so I'm presenting 'our' point of view.
