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Bible monsters

plindboe

Graduate Poster
plindboe
Joined
Apr 4, 2003
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I love some of the monsters in the Bible. They are hilariously absurd, and I think mentioning them more frequently can give attention to the silliness of christian fundamentalism. Some favorites are:

Ezekiel 1:5-1:10
1:5 Also out of the midst thereof came the likeness of four living creatures. And this was their appearance; they had the likeness of a man.
1:6 And every one had four faces, and every one had four wings.
1:7 And their feet were straight feet; and the sole of their feet was like the sole of a calf's foot: and they sparkled like the colour of burnished brass.
1:8 And they had the hands of a man under their wings on their four sides; and they four had their faces and their wings.
1:9 Their wings were joined one to another; they turned not when they went; they went every one straight forward.
1:10 As for the likeness of their faces, they four had the face of a man, and the face of a lion, on the right side: and they four had the face of an ox on the left side; they four also had the face of an eagle.
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Revelation 9:3-9:10
9:3 And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power.
9:4 And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads.
9:5 And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.
9:6 And in those days shall men seek death, and shall not find it; and shall desire to die, and death shall flee from them.
9:7 And the shapes of the locusts were like unto horses prepared unto battle; and on their heads were as it were crowns like gold, and their faces were as the faces of men.
9:8 And they had hair as the hair of women, and their teeth were as the teeth of lions.
9:9 And they had breastplates, as it were breastplates of iron; and the sound of their wings was as the sound of chariots of many horses running to battle.
9:10 And they had tails like unto scorpions, and there were stings in their tails: and their power was to hurt men five months.
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Revelation 13:1-13:2
13:1 And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.
13:2 And the beast which I saw was like unto a leopard, and his feet were as the feet of a bear, and his mouth as the mouth of a lion: and the dragon gave him his power, and his seat, and great authority.
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:D

Any other fun monsters I've missed?
 
I don't the "Thing from Planet Ezekial' would ever have gotten off the ground :D
 
Ah yes. The dude did like his interesting mushrooms, didn't he?


ETA: Revelations...St Paul, I think.....
 
I have a wonderful book on world mythology with lots of pictures. The bad guys and monsters in religious myths are as creative as the gods.

I guess there isn't much of a story unless there is a bad guy or monster for the good guy to battle.

Most Christians (other than Mormons) insist there is one God, then proceed to believe in angels, devils, monsters, spirits and other assorted supernatural figures that are no less than demigods.

I personally like monsters with reptile qualities. There's nothing like a talking snake to make a good story.
 
Job 41 (King James Version)




Job 41
1Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down?

2Canst thou put an hook into his nose? or bore his jaw through with a thorn?

3Will he make many supplications unto thee? will he speak soft words unto thee?

4Will he make a covenant with thee? wilt thou take him for a servant for ever?

5Wilt thou play with him as with a bird? or wilt thou bind him for thy maidens?

6Shall the companions make a banquet of him? shall they part him among the merchants?

7Canst thou fill his skin with barbed irons? or his head with fish spears?

8Lay thine hand upon him, remember the battle, do no more.

9Behold, the hope of him is in vain: shall not one be cast down even at the sight of him?

10None is so fierce that dare stir him up: who then is able to stand before me?

11Who hath prevented me, that I should repay him? whatsoever is under the whole heaven is mine.

12I will not conceal his parts, nor his power, nor his comely proportion.

13Who can discover the face of his garment? or who can come to him with his double bridle?

14Who can open the doors of his face? his teeth are terrible round about.

15His scales are his pride, shut up together as with a close seal.

16One is so near to another, that no air can come between them.

17They are joined one to another, they stick together, that they cannot be sundered.

18By his neesings a light doth shine, and his eyes are like the eyelids of the morning.

19Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out.

20Out of his nostrils goeth smoke, as out of a seething pot or caldron.

21His breath kindleth coals, and a flame goeth out of his mouth.

22In his neck remaineth strength, and sorrow is turned into joy before him.

23The flakes of his flesh are joined together: they are firm in themselves; they cannot be moved.

24His heart is as firm as a stone; yea, as hard as a piece of the nether millstone.

25When he raiseth up himself, the mighty are afraid: by reason of breakings they purify themselves.

26The sword of him that layeth at him cannot hold: the spear, the dart, nor the habergeon.

27He esteemeth iron as straw, and brass as rotten wood.

28The arrow cannot make him flee: slingstones are turned with him into stubble.

29Darts are counted as stubble: he laugheth at the shaking of a spear.

30Sharp stones are under him: he spreadeth sharp pointed things upon the mire.

31He maketh the deep to boil like a pot: he maketh the sea like a pot of ointment.

32He maketh a path to shine after him; one would think the deep to be hoary.

33Upon earth there is not his like, who is made without fear.

34He beholdeth all high things: he is a king over all the children of pride.
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Leviathan is pretty much the exact description as a dragon. Sounds a lot like Smaug, in fact.
 
Bah, the real monsters are middle-aged ladies, plumbers, and ordinary boys that all want to kill you and stop you from reaching Sunday School!!!




I guess those not familiar with the terrible concept of Christian video games should take a look at Sunday Funday to see what I mean. After all, if it's in a Christian video game, it must be true!
 
Tricky said:
19Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out.

20Out of his nostrils goeth smoke, as out of a seething pot or caldron.

21His breath kindleth coals, and a flame goeth out of his mouth.

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Man, one time I answer the door before brushing my teeth, and the big guy's held it against me ever since.
 
Matthew 27:
50 And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.

51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split. 52 The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53 They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.
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ZOMBIES!!!! :re:
 
MormonKnockKnock.jpg
 
Tricky said:
19Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out.

20Out of his nostrils goeth smoke, as out of a seething pot or caldron.

21His breath kindleth coals, and a flame goeth out of his mouth. [/B]
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A Dungeons and Dragons nerd might be promped to shout out, "Oh no, Tiamat!" until they realize that Tiamat was one of the gods floating around in proto-Judaism, which is where the D&D authors got the name in the first place.
 
I don't think those Ezekiel monsters can be drawn; they're impossible to visualize. Too much symbolism ruins imagery!
 
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