Are you qualified to be an exorcist?

maddog

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Full story:
New interest in exorcism rites comes to Baltimore
Clergy take lessons on demonic possession, exorcism

Particularly striking is this section:
The Baltimore gathering was divided into three parts. The first explored the scriptural background on demonic possession. The New Testament includes several accounts of Jesus Christ casting out demons.

The second part, which Paprocki said took up most of the time, was devoted to the work of screening people who ask for an exorcism. Paprocki and others describe this as the sort of interview a counselor might conduct, exploring all possible natural causes for the person's experience: are they drinking or taking drugs? What is their family history? Have they been sexually abused?

"The exorcist has to be the ultimate skeptic," said the Rev. Gary Thomas, the exorcist for the Diocese of San Jose, Calif., who attended the Baltimore event. "My role is to really discern … what is this about? I'm not there to dispute their experience, but to get at the root cause."
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I would hate to think that a Catholic priest qualifies as "the ultimate skeptic".

Comments?
 
I think that most Catholics probably never really think about "demonic possession" or exorcism and all that. It's kind of on the lunatic fringe. I suspect it was on the lunatic fringe even back in the first century.

There was another priest quoted in the article that was generally opposed to the topic, because when you say someone is possessed by a demon, then the demon is responsible for the sins, and the person is not held responsible for his own actions. Particularly since the Pope has blamed demons for the church clergy pedophile problems, that priest wanted to make sure that the perpetrators are accountable.

Also, I wonder how many of the priests went to that seminar with the curiosity of watching a freak show - like, I've got to go see just how screwed up this is.
 
Are you qualified to be an exorcist?

Hmmm, well...

I can swing a smoking thurible with the best of 'em.

I know which end of the cross to apply to the forehead.

I've learned the hard way that the preferred method of applying Holy Water is from a small vial, shaken briskly, rather than by the bucketful.

I've watched The Exorcist.

My son can play Tubular Bells on an electric keyboard.

A tonsure isn't required.

Split pea soup should never be fed to the afflicted prior to the ritual.

Pigs and elderly priests make decent transference hosts, but make sure there's a sufficiently high cliff (or staircase) nearby for adequate disposal. And a barbecue pit for the celebratory picnic after.

Black attire is impressive and slimming.

Bibles are for reading aloud from, not for thumping over the afflicted's head.

It is considered poor taste to peek up the afflicted's nightgown as she levitates off her bed.

Demons usually sound like Sylvia Browne with a bad case of chronic bronchitis.



Yeah. I'd say I'm well qualified.
 
maddog said:
I think that most Catholics probably never really think about "demonic possession" or exorcism and all that. It's kind of on the lunatic fringe. I suspect it was on the lunatic fringe even back in the first century.
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Yeah, I don't know any Christians that take the whole "possession" thing seriously. They generally just believe the "possessed" person is nuts.
 
maddog said:
I think that most Catholics probably never really think about "demonic possession" or exorcism and all that. It's kind of on the lunatic fringe. I suspect it was on the lunatic fringe even back in the first century.

There was another priest quoted in the article that was generally opposed to the topic, because when you say someone is possessed by a demon, then the demon is responsible for the sins, and the person is not held responsible for his own actions. Particularly since the Pope has blamed demons for the church clergy pedophile problems, that priest wanted to make sure that the perpetrators are accountable.

Also, I wonder how many of the priests went to that seminar with the curiosity of watching a freak show - like, I've got to go see just how screwed up this is.
Click to expand...

We learned about exorcism in Confirmation class.
 
aggle-rithm said:
We learned about exorcism in Confirmation class.
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I don't remember hearing anything about exorcism in my Confirmation class, but then again I was spacing most of the time anyways. At any rate, I'm not certain how much most of those who profess the belief in demon possession really believe it, just as I'm not certain how much most of those who profess the belief that they are consuming human flesh at communion really believe it. I think most of those who profess either belief mere express the sentiment because it seems like the right thing to say, especially to other Catholics, Christians, etc.
 
If an exorcist is someone who takes demons out of people, what do you call the opposite, someone who puts demons into people? I'm updating my resume.
 
slingblade said:
Are you qualified to be an exorcist?

Hmmm, well...

I can swing a smoking thurible with the best of 'em.

I know which end of the cross to apply to the forehead.

I've learned the hard way that the preferred method of applying Holy Water is from a small vial, shaken briskly, rather than by the bucketful.

I've watched The Exorcist.

My son can play Tubular Bells on an electric keyboard.

A tonsure isn't required.

Split pea soup should never be fed to the afflicted prior to the ritual.

Pigs and elderly priests make decent transference hosts, but make sure there's a sufficiently high cliff (or staircase) nearby for adequate disposal. And a barbecue pit for the celebratory picnic after.

Black attire is impressive and slimming.

Bibles are for reading aloud from, not for thumping over the afflicted's head.

It is considered poor taste to peek up the afflicted's nightgown as she levitates off her bed.

Demons usually sound like Sylvia Browne with a bad case of chronic bronchitis.



Yeah. I'd say I'm well qualified.
Click to expand...

You = funny. :D
 
slingblade said:
Are you qualified to be an exorcist?

Hmmm, well...
Click to expand...

Umm, no. More like, are you prepared to have no qualms to kill people in a horrible way, in the name of exorcising demons?

Hate to be the one to say it, but most symptoms of demon possession in any culture happen to coincide with what happens when you kill a person by their preferred method of exorcism. E.g., the European kind tended to involve hissing and wheezing and foaming at the mouth, because that's what happens when you suffocate someone to death by pressing. (The increased respiratory acidosis and blood pressure causes pulmonary edema, which, you guessed, kinda comes out as froth.) E.g., in cultures where an exorcism involved boiling someone alive, wouldn't you know it, the symptoms of being really possessed were screaming and struggling when put in boiling water.

So, yes, are you able to kill people horribly while assuring everyone that their dying symptoms are signs of demonic possession? That's the only qualification you need. It's called psychopathy IIRC.
 
slingblade said:
Are you qualified to be an exorcist?

Hmmm, well...

I can swing a smoking thurible with the best of 'em.

I know which end of the cross to apply to the forehead.

I've learned the hard way that the preferred method of applying Holy Water is from a small vial, shaken briskly, rather than by the bucketful.

I've watched The Exorcist.

My son can play Tubular Bells on an electric keyboard.

A tonsure isn't required.

Split pea soup should never be fed to the afflicted prior to the ritual.

Pigs and elderly priests make decent transference hosts, but make sure there's a sufficiently high cliff (or staircase) nearby for adequate disposal. And a barbecue pit for the celebratory picnic after.

Black attire is impressive and slimming.

Bibles are for reading aloud from, not for thumping over the afflicted's head.

It is considered poor taste to peek up the afflicted's nightgown as she levitates off her bed.

Demons usually sound like Sylvia Browne with a bad case of chronic bronchitis.



Yeah. I'd say I'm well qualified.
Click to expand...

Id agree with you, with teh exception of the sylvia browne commentary. I have yet to hear a demon that sounds that horrible.
 
I challenge you to find somebody who is more skilled at exorcising demons than I am.
 
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