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Another XKCD FTW

Someone really should create an official geek response script to the official support query script. Something with all the right answers and buzzwords to get you as far as possible as quickly as possible through the phone tree.
 
I always want to say "Look, I know you have your script, but can we just skip the part where I restart my computer? Because that was the first thing I tried."
 
Lisa Simpson said:
I always want to say "Look, I know you have your script, but can we just skip the part where I restart my computer? Because that was the first thing I tried."
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Once upon a time, my cable company gave me an incorrect password. To get my password, I had to deal with a "tier two" tech support person who refused to tell me the correct password until she had walked me through her entire script for Outlook Express.

I wasn't using Outlook Express, and it wasn't even installed on my machine, but that was the only script she had. Eventually I gave up trying to explain to her that I didn't have Outlook Express, and let her walk me through her script, pretending to do everything she told me to do and saying okay after each pretended step of the process. Eventually she got to the step in which she told me to type in my password. I asked her what it was. She told me.

Thank you. No, you can finish going through your script after I hang up. Have a nice day.

For the full story (of which that is only a small excerpt), see
http://www.cesura17.net/~will/Ephemera/cablemodem.html
 
I used to have a job doing that. It's tempting to go off script when you know what it is and want to skip to the resolution but the bosses would call in every now and then pretending to be a customer with a common problem just to make sure you weren't.
 
The funny thing is, working tech support, the number of people who say they've already rebooted their computer or modem, and it didn't fix the issue.
And then... when I have them reboot, it works.
 
I actually dealt with a tech that told me my IP of "192.168.2.146" meant I was connected to the internet.
 
I used to work tech support in colllege as a side job. I couldn't follow scripts, so I had to get many A++ customer reviews to offset the 'FAILED' when I got 'script-tested' It took a couple of months before my supervisors got along. I kept that job 2-3 years until new management made it a hell with new stupid rules and I quit pretty soon after.
 
BTW, my cable internet provider has the best customer service I have ever encountered.

My initial install went badly... Worked for a while, then stopped. Then worked for a while... etc...

They were out three consecutive days, including Sunday, to get it fixed. Finally they found where a squirrel had eaten ALMOST through the wire in a place you couldn't see the damage.

Of course, when they were out and took signal levels the first two times, they got a crappy signal and started replacing things, and then the signal was fine and they thought they had fixed it.

But they never once made me go through script hell. The guy I talked to ran his remote diagnostics and said "Yes, you have a problem!"
 
I understand requiring customers to reboot even if they told you they already did--you get too many liars.

But I do not see the benefit of hiring experts but not allowing them to use their expertise.
 
gnome said:
I understand requiring customers to reboot even if they told you they already did--you get too many liars.
But I do not see the benefit of hiring experts but not allowing them to use their expertise.
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I was tech support for Charter Cable. I couldn't tell you how many times I asked if their converter was plugged in and they assure me it is. I then ask them to follow the power cord from the back of the box all the way to the outlet to make sure "there are no breaks in it." They agree, there's an awkward silence and then they say the problem seems to have resolved itself. I ran into the same thing with the TV not being on channel 3. They would insist it was so I would tell them to turn it to channel 5 and then back to channel 3. Awkward silence and then they would tell me the problem seems to have resolved itself.
 
Open questions is the answer... don't ask them a question they can just say "yes" to.

"Press the 'info' button on your TV. What station does it say you're on?"
"What have you done since you discovered the problem?"
"Tell me which lights are on the router."
"Type your password into 'notepad'. Does it appear correctly?" (nobody wants to consider if they left their caps or num lock on)
 
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Mister Earl said:
*facepalm*

"Can you ping 127.0.0.1? You can? Good, you should be fine, now."
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Actually, he also insisted that that was the only IP I could possibly have offline. The real kicker was that the whole problem was the ISP had changed their login without telling anyone.
 
Travis said:
I was tech support for Charter Cable. I couldn't tell you how many times I asked if their converter was plugged in and they assure me it is. I then ask them to follow the power cord from the back of the box all the way to the outlet to make sure "there are no breaks in it." They agree, there's an awkward silence and then they say the problem seems to have resolved itself. I ran into the same thing with the TV not being on channel 3. They would insist it was so I would tell them to turn it to channel 5 and then back to channel 3. Awkward silence and then they would tell me the problem seems to have resolved itself.
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I think everyone has had that moment where they go to the troubleshooting part of the product's manual and the first thing it says is "Is the product plugged in?"

99% of the time it is plugged in, but once or twice the answer is "Well of COURSE its plugged...oh."
 
Travis said:
I was tech support for Charter Cable. I couldn't tell you how many times I asked if their converter was plugged in and they assure me it is. I then ask them to follow the power cord from the back of the box all the way to the outlet to make sure "there are no breaks in it." They agree, there's an awkward silence and then they say the problem seems to have resolved itself. I ran into the same thing with the TV not being on channel 3. They would insist it was so I would tell them to turn it to channel 5 and then back to channel 3. Awkward silence and then they would tell me the problem seems to have resolved itself.
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There seem to be two groups of people out there:

1) Those who do not know how it works, and call customer support for each and every problem they have.

2) Those who do know how it works, have checked 99% of the simple support script already, and call customer support only when everything else fails.

I can understand why companies stick to a script that will only accommodate group 1, since they probably make 90% of all service calls. The frustrating thing for us in group 2 is that there's nearly never a shortcut to skip through the script.

Which can be done. Apple does it, at least for the few service calls I did with them. The last one was in regards to a movie I bought from iTunes which would play in iTunes and Quicktime 7, but not in the current Quicktime X. The service call quickly deviated from the script, and was actually a dialog with a very competent person that had no idea what could cause this problem, and thanked me for letting them know.

One thing that Apple does is actually NOT providing a phone number to openly, which is the standard corporate way in the USA (much more than in Europe). At first I found this frustrating, but I realized that Apple actually had moved the simple script to a web/email fork. Instead of frustrating holds and frustrating script dialogs, I just shot off an email and had to wait.
 
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