All dogs DON'T go to heaven

shalomsteph

Critical Thinker
shalomsteph
Joined
Dec 25, 2005
Messages
363
I got this in an email...thought I would share. :)

Dear Pastor,

I am 8-years old and I am so sad now cause my dog, Scruffy is awfully sick. The pet doctor told my mom that Scruffy has only a few weeks to live because he has a bunch of cancers everwhere. The doctor told my mom that I am gonna see Scruffy when I get to heaven, but she told me that my doctor is not saved, so that I will write to you and ask you the real answer about Scruffy because you know.

Pastor, I love Scruffy so much! I have been trying so much every day not to cry, but when I look at his eyes, he is so sad! My poor dog is in so much pain with his cancers. Is Scruffy going to go to Heaven, Pastor? Will I get to see him again?

Timothy Galvin - Age 8
Freehold, Iowa



Dear Timmy,

It always breaks my heart when I have to answer a question like this. I understand your concern, but I won't lie to you. According to the Bible, there will be no animals in heaven except for horses. And those horses, the book of Revelation tells us, will be used solely as a means of transportation. Scripture tells us that horses will sprout wings and will be able to fly at high speeds. We'll fly too, Timmy - but the horses will probably fly faster, which is why Jesus is going to keep them around.

As True Christians™ we can only speculate why God doesn't find it necessary to populate heaven with dogs, cats, cows, chickens and other creatures. Most likely it is because we won't need food when we get to Heaven. Using Bible logic, we have to assume that there are going to be a whole mess of folks in Hell and most of them will be Chinese, since they never had the luxury of hearing about Jesus. People in hell will need food to sustain them through an eternity of torture at the hands of the loving God they rejected. As we understand it, Chinese folks love to eat dogs. I'm sorry, Timmy - it is a hard sight to take in, but in a few weeks little Scruffy will be savagely ripped to shreds, as will countless other pooches, at the blood-stained hands of starving, godless Chinamen as they are beaten and sodomized by demons on the desolate shores of the Lake of Fire. My guess is that those shores will be piled high with the rotting bone-picked carcasses of every household pet there ever was.

I hope this helps.

Your friend and Pastor,

Deacon Fred
 
It's a good thing my dog went of to live on a farm when he got sick. He's all better now, but I can't go to see him because he lives a long way away and he helps the farmer out with all kinds of stuff, so he's very busy.
 
You read one of these Landover Baptist parodys,laugh a little,....and think "well--even the christian fundies aren't really this vicious".

Try reading one of the "Do children go to heaven?" threads over at Rapture Ready. (Any one will do---they all seem to go the same way.)

Some fundie mom with kids gets nervous about the rapture coming since there was an earthquake half-way around the globe and decides she needs some internet reassurance that little Samuel & Rachel will be joining them when jesus calls them home.

Inevitably--some ****off with hellfire blowing out his nose will reply (with the usual formidable array of bible quotes backing his stance) that no---they may in fact NOT be raptured if all the "T's" aren't properly crossed and all the "i's" dotted.

These self-righteous arseholes seem to take absolute delight in letting some poor scared parents know that the God of "Gotcha's" really loves you---but he's not letting a small child off the hook just because he's a child.






These
 
Ralph said:
You read one of these Landover Baptist parodys,laugh a little,....and think "well--even the christian fundies aren't really this vicious".

Try reading one of the "Do children go to heaven?" threads over at Rapture Ready. (Any one will do---they all seem to go the same way.)

Some fundie mom with kids gets nervous about the rapture coming since there was an earthquake half-way around the globe and decides she needs some internet reassurance that little Samuel & Rachel will be joining them when jesus calls them home.

Inevitably--some ****off with hellfire blowing out his nose will reply (with the usual formidable array of bible quotes backing his stance) that no---they may in fact NOT be raptured if all the "T's" aren't properly crossed and all the "i's" dotted.

These self-righteous arseholes seem to take absolute delight in letting some poor scared parents know that the God of "Gotcha's" really loves you---but he's not letting a small child off the hook just because he's a child.






These
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(Spewing Pepsi) Is-this-site-supposed-to-be-serious??? I am afraid. Very afraid...if this is real, these people need medication and fast. And if there were a just God, he would have stopped them from breeding...
 
shalomsteph said:
(Spewing Pepsi) Is-this-site-supposed-to-be-serious??? I am afraid. Very afraid...if this is real, these people need medication and fast. And if there were a just God, he would have stopped them from breeding...
Click to expand...


Landover Baptist is a parody.

Rapture Ready is not.

It can be hard to tell the difference at times.
 
Interesting Ian said:
He's as likely to see Scruffy as anyone else he loves. Dogs are just as likely or unlikely to go to Heaven as human beings. I know of no argument which indicates otherwise.
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The Bible silly.

More seriously, people like to separate themselves from animals. We try to see ourselves as more alive and more amazing than the world around us. I mean if you let dogs into heaven, what about lobsters? Ants? Bacteria? Viruses? Prions? Rocks? Individual atoms? Neutrons? Quarks?

You have to draw the line somewhere, right? They choose to draw it at our species.
 
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I`ve told my kids that all animals, from elephants to germs, go to their own special heaven when they die, where they frolick around all day long doing the things they liked to to best when they were alive. This has led to some sticky questions from my daughter however i.e `what about vampire bats?
What about the mice for the cats in cat heaven? do plants go to heaven as well?` I don`t know do I? I made the whole thing up!
I think dog heaven must be a lot of parks and rubbish dumps, with plenty of lamp posts and Postmen. Perhaps they are naughty Postmen.
I wonder what amputated limb heaven would look like?
 
Interesting Ian said:
He's as likely to see Scruffy as anyone else he loves. Dogs are just as likely or unlikely to go to Heaven as human beings. I know of no argument which indicates otherwise.
Click to expand...

Y'know what? I actually agree. There is just as much evidence that dogs go to heaven as there is that humans go to heaven.

None.

Claims that can be made without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.
 
Wow for moment I thought the posting was real I getting sick to my stomach :eek: I've seen the sight before nice satire.

AND ALL DOGS DO GO TO HEAVEN YOU EVIL PEOPLE!!! :wink:
 
Tony Blair hates fags too.
And Jack McConnell.*

ie *Both hate fags. Though I acknowledge the ambiguity.

Must say it's nice to be able to get drunk without getting lung cancer.
 
Soapy Sam said:
Tony Blair hates fags too.
And Jack McConnell.*

ie *Both hate fags. Though I acknowledge the ambiguity.

Must say it's nice to be able to get drunk without getting lung cancer.
Click to expand...

I disagree. I think you should be allowed to have a fag in a pub if you want to, a drink without a fag is like an egg without salt, or a fish without a bicycle, depending on your gender. I hope this has confused our American cousins suitably.
Passive smokers are just jealous because they havent got the guts to go all the way, so they stand around in pubs looking dissapproving and stealing our nicotine.
 
Morris Cod said:
errr... slight derail here....the God hates fags website....That IS a parody...right???
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No, it's not. At least, those who frequent the site don't seem to think so- i.e angry Christian homophobes with "God Hates Fags" bumper stickers.

Anyway, don't religious people generally consider non-human animals to not even have souls? Isn't that the reason why eating them isn't breaking the 'thou shalt not kill' commandment?
Why would anybody, especially bible bashing types, think that dogs could get into heaven?
 
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