Vixen
Penultimate Amazing
What a remarkably mindless and obscene act of gross vandalism in cutting down this beautiful tree. Having said that, might I be allowed a little chuckle at the two guys in the dock, Graham and Carruthers? They could almost be a very British version of Laurel and Hardy.
They have come out with some classic whoppers, thinking - erroneously - that it helps their case. Let's call them the Criminals Logical Fallacies. Or what about, 'The Tree Fellers' Fallacies', or even 'The Two Fellows Fallacies'?
Graham claims he has a whole fleet of vehicles including Range Rovers and stuff but that he never keeps a log of who uses them - 'Honest, Guv!' - so he has no idea why his Range Rover would have been identified by police forensic experts and the culprit vehicle could have been driven by anybody. 'Anybody who needs a vehicle can use it, I keep no record.'
Graham thinks this is the rebuttal of rebuttals and puts him in an innocent light.
In addition, he claims Carruthers was the tree felling expert. He himself has no idea how to fell a tree. Carruthers has all of the necessary equipment, plus - wait for it: - Carruthers once took a piece of string, wrapped it around the said Sycamore, and told him, Graham, exactly how wide it was, as, 'M'Lud, Carruthers was obsessed with that tree!'
Then we have his chum, Carruthers, who comes out with the hilarious classic: the alibi which is not an alibi, as it never happened. The alibi is this. Police wanted to know how come he was identified travelling to within the tree's location just the afternoon before, when strong winds were expected and even storms. His answer? Nothing to do with the freaking tree, mate, I was taking my wife and young baby out for a meal at the next town, Metro. [= the 'alibi']. But wait for it, he never actually arrived at the Metro, as the baby was sick, M'Lud, at that spot so we had to turn around and come back home. <phew> that establishes my whereabouts, he thinks, when it does quite the reverse and makes him look like an idiot! Even funnier still, when asked why he didn't dine in town much nearer to home, given the weather forecast, he came out with, ah, the class of restaurant around here is not quite up to that of the Metro!
Carruthers claims Graham rang him up to ask him to take the blame for the chopping of the tree, When asked why he excitedly spread social media stuff about the felling the next day, again we have the futile alibi that defeats itself. As far I was concerned, M'Lud, it was a non-story, the tree meant nuffink to me <fx whistles nonchalantly in the air> . I couldn't understand what the fuss was about as to me it was just a sundry tree. Never heard of it. I was obsessed with the news of the tree because I couldn't understand public interest in it. Phew, so that bloody well exonerates me!!!

It's Del Boy and Rodney: when art meets life. "Alright, Dave?"
.
They have come out with some classic whoppers, thinking - erroneously - that it helps their case. Let's call them the Criminals Logical Fallacies. Or what about, 'The Tree Fellers' Fallacies', or even 'The Two Fellows Fallacies'?
Graham claims he has a whole fleet of vehicles including Range Rovers and stuff but that he never keeps a log of who uses them - 'Honest, Guv!' - so he has no idea why his Range Rover would have been identified by police forensic experts and the culprit vehicle could have been driven by anybody. 'Anybody who needs a vehicle can use it, I keep no record.'
Graham thinks this is the rebuttal of rebuttals and puts him in an innocent light.
In addition, he claims Carruthers was the tree felling expert. He himself has no idea how to fell a tree. Carruthers has all of the necessary equipment, plus - wait for it: - Carruthers once took a piece of string, wrapped it around the said Sycamore, and told him, Graham, exactly how wide it was, as, 'M'Lud, Carruthers was obsessed with that tree!'
Then we have his chum, Carruthers, who comes out with the hilarious classic: the alibi which is not an alibi, as it never happened. The alibi is this. Police wanted to know how come he was identified travelling to within the tree's location just the afternoon before, when strong winds were expected and even storms. His answer? Nothing to do with the freaking tree, mate, I was taking my wife and young baby out for a meal at the next town, Metro. [= the 'alibi']. But wait for it, he never actually arrived at the Metro, as the baby was sick, M'Lud, at that spot so we had to turn around and come back home. <phew> that establishes my whereabouts, he thinks, when it does quite the reverse and makes him look like an idiot! Even funnier still, when asked why he didn't dine in town much nearer to home, given the weather forecast, he came out with, ah, the class of restaurant around here is not quite up to that of the Metro!

Carruthers claims Graham rang him up to ask him to take the blame for the chopping of the tree, When asked why he excitedly spread social media stuff about the felling the next day, again we have the futile alibi that defeats itself. As far I was concerned, M'Lud, it was a non-story, the tree meant nuffink to me <fx whistles nonchalantly in the air> . I couldn't understand what the fuss was about as to me it was just a sundry tree. Never heard of it. I was obsessed with the news of the tree because I couldn't understand public interest in it. Phew, so that bloody well exonerates me!!!

It's Del Boy and Rodney: when art meets life. "Alright, Dave?"
.